Well no, you have not tried. No one here EVER suggested you accuse her with no evidence. That is a complete waste of time. Stop accusing her with flimsy, circumstantial evidence and get some good solid evidence.

If you don't get to work here, the OM will be the step dad of your kids.

Hi, Sam, welcome back.

It has been about a month since you were here last. What have you done during that time? During that time, do you realize your wife's attachment to OM and detachment from you has grown?

Why are you reading His Needs, Her Needs? Did you view ANY of the material I suggested for you? The video about infidelity? The thread about exposure? If you had viewed the right material you would know how important it is to be engaged in ACTION now!

As others have said, WAKE UP!

Did you read this linked thread about exposure? Is it a waste of time for us to post to you?

Did you view this video on infidelity? Or are we wasting our time with suggestions? Are you intentionally picking material that won't tell you what you need to be doing?

You don't need to confront her with evidence - she already knows she is having an affair.

Winning an argument with her is not part of the success plan here.

If you want to get started changing this, you had better get started with the right steps.

If you simply must have a book, the book you should be reading is Surviving an Affair, not His Needs, Her Needs. The author of His Needs Her Needs will freely tell you that you can't save your marriage with that book alone - you need to fight the affair!

PLEASE take heed and follow the advice you've been given. I wish SO much that I had posted here back in 2007/2008 when I starting having issues with my husband and marriage.

I would've received the same advice you've been given - to snoop and expose and FIGHT the affair - and I would've saved myself years of heartache.

So I need to do the spying to expose the affair by figuring out where and when they meet and catch them red handed??? Or do I sit her down and say hey, I had this recorder in your car and this is what I heard???? I'm confused on this aspect.

Go do the spying, get concrete evidence of the affair, and then come back here. We will give you next steps.

You never reveal how you got the intel, ever!!!

You have been given the advice already.
Are you too scared to act, or do you just not read the posts to you?
Step up and be a man!

Does she communicate with him on her cellphone? If so, get spyware on her phone. I would also put a VAR in her car along with a GPS.

Once you have evidence, DON'T talk to her. There is no "confront her with evidence of her affair" step in this plan. She already knows she is having an affair.

By the way, don't take another one month sabbatical from here. You can't afford it.

Have you read the exposure 101 link that I keep posting, or not?

If you haven't read it, it might explain why you are still confused on some points.

Did you not read the post in which I gave you the Survival Kit?
Did you not read the information in the link in Mel's sign-off?
Are you going to take this seriously or just waste your life (and more importantly, our time) as your marriage dribbles away like sand in a stream?

Gather evidence without confronting.

Once evidence is obtained do not confront and never ever reveal how you found out.

Bring the evidence here and the experts here will guide you through the confronting and exposure.

I'm going to have to go the var and gps route. She hardly ever uses her laptop and her phone is like another appendage. She actually once had her phone plugged in by our bed but needed to go check on the kids. So she unplugged her phone and took it with her and then upon returning to bed, plugged it back in. So a keylogger or spyware is going to be very difficult.

Any suggestions for a good VAR and GPS. The lower the cost, the better and more unnoticeable it will be.

When a spouse suddenly treats a cell phone like it part of their body, it is a positive sign of hiding something that is destructive.
In a marriage - Privacy is what you want when you use the toliet, secrecy is what you want when you are doing something wrong.
Got my VAR at BestBuy about $50 i think, i velcroed it into the channel of the sun roof of ex's car and in the spare bedroom. Put another one wherever she goes to do phone stuff.

BE PREPARED FOR WHAT YOU WILL HEAR, it will crush you if you are not ready. You might want to enlist a trusted friend to listen to it first.

I am going to do it. I think that I am scared to death to find out that she is. It's kind of an ignorance is bliss thing. But at the same time, I notice things and see things in people extremely well as well as have a really good ability to remember things and put them together. So being ignorant is hard for me in this case. So I will force myself to do it and I will come back when I have the info I need.

So I did do some digging on the steaming heap of dung that is the OM (I'm sorry, a man would not do the things that he does so he is the other boy or OB) and am pretty sure that he has a history of doing this to other families.

I see two women (other than my wife) that like to shower him with affection on his facebook page. Woman A is currently married, but I don't know for how long. She has posted how he is the "perfect man". I wasn't able to find very much info on her though.

Woman B was married in late 2010 with her husband filing for divorce in August of 2011. Woman B became facebook friends with the OB in 2011. I am only guessing, but dues to the sexual innuendos of their facebook posts to each other, I am suspecting that he had something to do with the breakup of their marriage.

I have the thought of finding her ex husband and asking him if she had an affair (seems logical due to the fact that he was the one that filed) and if so was it with the OB. And then if I'm correct, I could use that in my exposure too. But, I don't know if that would be right or not because it could just drudge up bad memories for him. What do you all think???