Don't pay attention to what the woman said to you about woman who trash their marriages. That is just blabber.

You do need to stop thinking about recovery and just focus on surrounding yourself with people who are interesting and kind and fun. Find them. Thinking about recovery is exhausting and doesn't effect your future chances of either recovering or not. It is pointless to obsess about it. Release control of the outcome.

Certainly there is recovery after divorce. Dr. Harley does discuss it occasionally. One thing he mentions is that people who remarry their original spouse actually can have wonderful outcomes.

You need to stop ruminating about the divorce and try to contain what love bank balance your ex still has in your love bank account for her and meanwhile reach out to your children as much as possible to let them know you do love them and that you are one heck of a father.

Financial stress and the fracturing of the family certainly doesn't help getting the momentum to move forward but with the medication you can hopefully see some possibilities you wouldn't otherwise see.

As far as I know, the account is empty and has been for years. There is no way of making any deposits until her fantasy life falls apart, which appears very unlikely.

I made a decision today. When I drop my girls off, I will not see them again. I have had to hear about the OM from my 4 year old for the last time. I hear about how nice he is, how much time he spends with them, all that. Since he spends more time with them than I do, he can be their father. They are young enough that the younger one won't remember me at all, and the 4 year old will have vague memories at best.

I came to this site so that I could figure out how to repair my marriage. It did not work. There is no alternate plan for me. Some of you can "deal with it" and "get over it" - I can't. I am not wired like that, I guess. I made vows that I intended to keep.

I put that extra copy of Surviving an Affair in my girls' bag so their selfish cheating whore mother might someday read it and figure out why I did what I did. For the next 10 or 20 years, I just don't think she'll get it. I just can't do this any more.

Cheers.

You are punishing your girls for being kids and prattling about their lives, not realising how this hurts you. You can't shut them up so you are punishing them this way. You are saying "if they like him so much they can have him". They don't deserve that.

He isn't and can never be their father. He will at best be a stepfather and as such, someone quite likely to harm them one day. You are putting your pain above their needs to have you in their lives.

How horrible.

How cruel for your kids.

Really..........get a grip on your self focused angst and

PUT YOUR KIDS FIRST.

Yes, you feel devalued and put aside BUT

your children did not do that. They are innocent people trying to make the best of their sad little lives with Mom who has OM involved in their lives.

You be a bigger guy than that.

Don't you dare threaten to abandon your children. You made them and they are YOURS.

She took them from me and they are hers. We just see things differently. I am a glorified babysitter, that's all.

By the way, if she wants to give me full custody and [censored] off, I would be okay with that. But she continues to steal all the time I should be spending with them when they are little. All that time is gone. I cannot wrap my head around that and accept it.

No, they are not hers.

They are hers and they are yours.

Both.

Glorified babysitter? Nope.

Father.

When you do spend time with them, just breathe calmly and cooly when they mention OM. Breathe and then hug them for being the best kids in the world. They are your children. You do get to see them. When you do, parent them by telling them how precious they are to you and how you love being with them.

Set the tone for a good relationship into the future with them.

Wow!!!

What you're doing to your girls is flat out wrong.

When they are older they will know yes their mother cheated.

Yes their father abandoned them.

She has to answer for her wrongs.

YOU HAVE TO ANSWER FOR YOUR WRONGS. WHAT A SHAME!!!!

It seems to me that not only are you accepting it, you are signing, sealing and approving it!

Any time I've tried to assert myself, I've been threatened with the police, I've still have a restraining order in effect. I cannot watch my kids grow up with someone else. Sorry. if you want to call it selfish or whatever, then so be it. I cannot get past it. I've tried, and I can't do it. I am the POS a-hole everyone thinks I am, so why dissappoint them?

This is another reason why you should have exposed the affair to your DD4 and others on OM's side.

This is New Mexico. This kind of behavior is normal here. It would have had zero effect, believe me. I hate this place with a passion. We had been talking about moving before all this, but yeah, kinda hard to do when you get your feet nailed down by a divorce. Besides, why would she want to leave now since she found her soulmate here.

Also, I have been isolated by EVERYONE as though I am the one who is at fault. My own family doesn't speak to me any more.

What has any of this to do with abandoning your kids?

What has any of THAT to do with abandoning your kids?

*moral courage*�is the ability to�act rightly in the face of popular opposition,�shame,�scandal, or discouragement.

BlindsidededNM, I encourage you to to not give up on yourself or your children. You have been given a raw deal and are emotionally defeated. You can give up or pull on your boots and keep going.

Okay, you got that out. I can't blame you, being hurt and frustrated. Let's talk about it again over the next few days. See if you are still in the same frame of mind. I don't think you will be. I don't get that impression from you. I just think you are hurt over...everything. The loss of your marriage, the innocent comments of your daughter. I'm sure you're hurt over the loss of what was, and having to deal with what is. I don't get the impression from your posts that you're going to toss away your children.

Take a breather tonight, friend, and talk to us again tomorrow.

I'm not hurt and frustrated. I am dead inside. I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up any more. I am not depressed - I've been through that and now I just don't care.

The whore ex cheater POS said something to me when I dropped the girls off. apparently my 4 year old blabbed something. I had told them that OM was their daddy and I wasn't going to be seeing them any more, which is the truth. They are better off. Everyone is better off when I am no longer a hindrance to their happiness.

NM, if you are sincere that you wish to relinquish your parental rights to your children, for God's sake do not share that information with them. Do that legally through the courts. You are setting them up for a lifetime of abandonment issues. You're treating them like possessions - "Here you go - they're yours since you don't want to be married to me."

No, I still believe you are hurt and are lashing out at your ex-WW for her terrible decisions. If you were dead inside, as you claim, you would have NO reaction to anything that your little girl so innocently said. No, I think you're pissed off and hurt.

Don't shoot yourself in the foot. And don't harm your girls.

Talk about this later. Not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow. CALM DOWN.

Do you attend church? I suggest you go to one and get involved. I get the feeling your doing all this for some attention from your ex-wife. You know its wrong but your throwing a pity party and hurting your kids while you do it. I get it life is hard you didn't get what you wanted, things are not going your way but to abandon your children is a little extreme.

I don't know if you read other stories here, you should it can be really therapeutic to see folks from all over going through the same stuff. Helps keep me grounded in a sense. People don't give children the credit they deserve. Here's an example: my DS5 had his tonsils removed I took off work to care for him. I cook, clean, helped him brush his teeth read stories, etc. It was alot of work and I got frustrated. Not at my son but I was powerless in the situation and in my WW's lack of care as she is still with POSOM and only called to ask how our son was doing.

I kept thinking if my family was together this would be easier. It's all WW's fault. Then I stopped and thought about some of the things I learned in anger managment, about how anger is a choice. I applied that and other motivational things. My favorite is the civil rights movement how people who had rights had them taken from them and how they fought to overcome. Anyways today my DS said this and made it all worth it. He said Daddy, your always taking care of me when I'm sick. Mom doesn't all she cares about is POSOM. I love you and your my best person in the universe.

That's why I say stay in your kids lives. Show them how you should act when things aren't going your way. Seems you didn't so a proper exposure, what's done is done. Everyone have regrets when they go through infidelity. Don't let yours be your children because of your brusied ego and pain. God bless and I will pray for you tomorrow at service.