Hi everyone,

I was on the forum in 2010 and 2011, talked with Dr. Harley four or five times on his radio program(s), read LB as well as HS/HN, and went through Divorce Care. (Almost as good, I have been employed for a year and a half).

I have all but given up the hope of winning back my WW, who divorced our family two years ago. But I want to maintain Plan B to the fullest practical extent.

My problem is my WW insists on changing our daycare arrangements. I like the arrangement because I don't need to see WW; our DD's like the arrangement because they love the baby sitter and the kids in her care. But both of our daughters start school in the coming weeks. We will pick up the kids at a martial arts academy on Thursday. But what of Saturday evening? Here are my WW's options:

-- A: We alternate weekends at the home of the other parent.
-- B: Exchange the kids at a shopping center.
-- C: Exchange the kids at the new daycare provider (the martial arts academy) even though it is closed Saturday evening and Sunday evening.

I want to keep the arrangement with the babysitter. WW wrote she will take me to court to change it. The divorce settlement said, "The parties will continue their present transportation arrangements for pick up and drop off at the daycare provider until they make other arrangements."

I want to avoid consulting my otherwise wonder attorney, as she charges $200 an hour. Probably my WW doesn't want to pay her attorney either, but her lover might subsidize her.

What does everybody recommend?

What is her reason for wanting to change the daycare arrangements?

Not really sure; she did not give me the reason till four or five emails into our conversation.

In one email, she said she might be remarried in a year and will be able to stay with the kids at home; this has been her dream since we were married.

In the latest email, she said our daughters will develop better with older kids. This claim is plausible. The kids at daycare are younger, and almost all of them are boys. But DD6 is a sweet girl who dislikes aggression.

WW said she needs an answer from me by tomorrow night. She is ruthless, but I am ticked my ex-in laws accepted her lover and our two DD's at their home earlier this month.

What was your posting name before?

I would not agree with putting your DD's with older kids in another setting. Daycare kids are very competitive anyway so your girls would be far better off in their current environment. I would just let her know you prefer to leave them in the current environment. She sounds like a bully, so I would make her do all the work if she wants to try to place them in an unfamiliar setting that is probably not in their best interest.

MichaelJan was one; Michael2010 was another. Figuring out the system took me awhile.

Thanks for the advice. I should have added that DD6 has a best friend from the martial-arts academy/day care. But matches with other kids are not her forte.

One other thing, WW insists on me giving her my cellphone number. I told her no. She was undeterred.

And people in hell want ice water! Most bully WS's demand to be in touch with the BS so they can assert some measure of control. Believe me, you don't want that! If she pushes this, I would tell your lawyer that you are going to keep with a parallel parenting plan to avoid your bully wife. There is an excellent thread over in notable posts on parallel parenting.

Here.
Parallel Parenting

Thank you, BrainHurts and Melody Lane.

I agree with you completely about the phone number and appreciate your advice, which I will take.

Michael,
I'm a divorced dad and I'm also in Limited Contact with ex ww.
My ex also lives with her affair partner and has demanded that I text her, call her etc.
If you like you can post her emails her before you reply for feedback and suggested responses From an objective perspective

JediKnight,

Thank you for the offer. I will take you up on it.

My ex WW insists on talking with me on the phone tonight for 20 minutes maximum. She wants to discuss the pick up and drop off rules for DD4's new school. Will this take 10-20 minutes really? I don't think so. Yet she wrote the school "has a lot of procedure," she can't type it all up, and I will have questions.

I plan to tell her to give me the bare-bones minimum. What do you recommend saying to her?

to forward to your email the link from the 'school procedures' (what a bunch of BS)

or attach the pdf

no need to talk.

First you need to establish the rules.
In business you have a stated policy and them procedures to achieve or comply with that policy.
For example, I sent my ex wife a letter after divorce stating that I will
Only communicate with her via email from a designated email address.
When she sent me a text message and called my phone I had her blocked.
I would tell her what your boundary is;

Then reply: "Thank you, I will contact the school and review their procedures"

Tell her to give you the bare-bones minimum. Tell her you don't care to talk to her any longer than necessary. Tell her to text you instead of calling you.

You engaged in a twenty minute phone call with her because you CHOSE TO. Don't let that happen again.

I would not text or talk to her. I would give her a separate email account to communicate for things related to the children. Have her call your phone for emergency only.

These WS love to communicate and badger and argue. You need to shut her down.

Why can't you get this information from the school yourself? There is no need for a discussion between you two about this as far as I can tell.

I agree.

Maritalbliss,

Actually, I did NOT talk with her. WW sent me emails from the teacher. It worked out.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood. You said:
That sounded like she talked to you for 20 minutes. My apologies if I misread.