Look up Jordan Rubin. He has Crohns disease. Currently he is living happy and pain free.

While I'm not facing what you are, I can tell you that if you stay in your girls lives, when they are older, they will be able to see the difference.

My ex-wife got primary custody because she was a stay at home mom.

Ten years later, my daughter has turned the parenting time on end, spending the vast majority with me.

Who cares if you win in the courts or not. The court that matters is in the hearts and minds of your daughters. Be the dad they need you to be and they will see it. It may not be today. But when they are 12-16 years old, if you have established a consistent pattern, and your ex-wife continues to be the selfish wayward, they will see it.

But it's slow. Many times I simply wanted to give up. Stay the course and you will prevail. Children see far more than we give them credit for seeing.

You can win where it matters, and that's in their hearts by being the father they need.

No problem you guys. Trust me when I say that you can't dole anything out that has been more cruel than my xW. I have a thick skin... with most things.

I'm not, and to be honest I am afraid of those. I dated a woman once who was on them and uh... let's just leave it at that, mkay?

Super day - I caught my 2 year old's snot factory back-to-school virus.

There are several good ones that won't make you so flighty that can help you get through this. You have been hit so hard for so long that I think you would really, really benefit from them. They would take the edge off your pain and help you make better decisions. One of the milder ones that Dr Harley recommends sometimes is Wellbutrin.

Can you look into that?

That makes two of us! Still ran 5 miles though felt like hammered dog manure. Instead on focusing on the bad in your day say something positive. You never answered my question. Are in a church at all?

Yes, I go to a large, non-denominational (southern baptist affiliated, tho), non-judgmental church that I like. My kids like it also. I didn't go yesterday, but I can watch the service online. I have not missed a message in well over a year.

Does your pastor know of your troubles? Did your WW attend this church as well? My church was instrumental in my lifestyle change in general.

They do, and they are too big to really do any one-on-one. I talked with an associate pastor and the couples pastor, but they kinda told me what Dr. Harley says - can't really do much when she is in an affair and unwilling to work toward reconciliation.

Is there anything I should be doing to expedite the failure of the affair? It has been going on for 2 years, we are divorced.. I don't know what to do here. The weeks and months are going by, my kids are growing up and I am not there to experience it, and nothing seems to be happening.

I'm not familiar with your thread but did you expose to all the people that are listed in Melodylane's exposure thread? Might be too late but what could it hurt? I would also suggest you sit down with your eldest child and explain what happened and why mommy has a boyfriend. Break down in kids terms and keep your cool.

My oldest daughter is 4, and she will actually argue with me about the OM. She likes him. I'm sure he's a nice guy on the surface, but he is a POS for tearing my family apart. I exposed to everyone I knew and she knew on Facebook, but on his side I did not expose because I didn't even know who he was until I hired a PI, and even then his FB account privacy levels are high. I still don't know who his family is, other than the names of his kids, and I am not going to drag them into this - I am not the same POS that he is.

I do know where he lives.

My ex wife's grandparents were married many years and it was an affairage.
A small number of affairs do last.
My ex wife is also going on a little more than 2 years in her affair.

You are NOT helping to kill the affair by maintaining cOntact with your ex wife.
As I recall Harley advised you to have No Contact with her.

In an affair, conflict arises and the wayward will begin to compare the OM to you.
She thinks that you are the father of her children, while OM will question why he's helping to raise her kids. He will get bored with her; if she can't pay her cellphone bill she probably can't afford to go out much.

During this time you need to make sure that you aren't causing love bank withdrawls through demands, disrespect, anger.

For starters I suggest you stop referring to her as a whore on this forum.
It would not help your struggle if she came her and read that description; instead refer to her as ww.

You really need to have No Contact with her.
However prior to doing that I suggest you do a 2 week plan A.
Can you do that?
The idea would be to build up love Bank deposits, then pull the rug out from under her feet with a Plan B letter

You need to go very dark and end all contact with her. Find a way to exchange the kids so you don't have to see her and the OM. By staying in her life, you prop up the affair because as long as the subject is BlindsidedNM aka satan incarnate, they don't have to look at EACH OTHER.

You need to also STOP focusing on her affair. It may never end. All you can do is remove yourself from the trauma. If you will do that, you will start feeling immensely better within a few weeks. You won't feel so traumatized and paralyzed with despair.

One of the things that is happening is the she has isolated herself from her family members who she knows are not on board with her actions. Her family (except her brother) are very Christian people who were completely surprised by her actions. She has not spoken to her father since last Christmas, I think. She didn't call him on his birthday, she has completely ignored him as well.

Her parents are driving through this Friday, and they are going to stop. He and I have been talking all along, and he says he is finally going to say something to her and remind her how she was raised and what the bible has to say about what she has done. Don't think that I have nuanced this relationship with her father to get him to side with me because he has chewed my butt plenty of times over things I've done also. But the bottom line is that he is against divorce, and her getting bored and having an affair is not a scriptural reason to end a marriage. Especially with 2 little kids involved.

Like I said, I did toss a copy of SaA in the girls' bag, so we'll see if she reads that or tosses it.

As for going dark, it is next to impossible because we have no common friends any more and no family around who would be willing to act as the nexus. We typically make the exchange at the business we built, and she used to hide in the back while I picked the girls up so I didn't have to see her. Nowadays she is more brazen and comes right out and makes sure I can see her and she often will park right next to me.

Are there other employees there who could take the kids in when you drop them off? I wouldn't give up so fast. Start really thinking this through and find a way to do this so you don't have to see her. For example, could the 4 year old bring the little one out to you and vice versa? Could an employee come out to the car and get your kids?

She could park in back, bring all their gear in and put it up front, then let the girls wave at me from the door. We used to do that at first and I'd never see her.

Some churches will offer child exchanges.
My grandmother used KMart parking lot for exchanges years ago.
As I recall OM works at the business so I would try to get away from any exchanges there.
I would ask your church if they could handle the exchange

My church (used to be ours, but she hasn't been to church in a long time I wonder why) is way out of the way. The OM does not work at the business. I have not seen him since Feb 28th - discovery day. He has managed to avoid me, which I think is a good idea.

It just gets better. I can a text from the xWW showing me a letter from some state agency threatening legal action for not paying child support. Keep in mind that I just started working, and I need to accumulate some money to get out of my parents' house. When I do get a place to live I probably won't be able to pay my own bills and pay child support at the same time. So I guess I get to live in a crappy studio in a bad part of town (or maybe in a jail cell) so that she can continue her charmed life with the cheater. Everything I did for her and our kids. This is how I get rewarded. You wonder why I feel like tapping out.