I also think I might have a similar problem as splitting, in that I can't seem to put together the bad with the good and realize that she isn't for me. She was my god too, and somehow I'm holding on to that. Even though she has more than proven who she is. I just don't understand myself.

I have to say I agree that you've had a lucky escape. Honestly, this girl sounds very immature, and like she was potentially just using you for a place to live. You are 11 years older than her, and I don't think you should think about her as having really truly been marriage material since she seems really immature.

I don't think what you did could be considered cheating, since you are not married. You should have been honest with this girl, but since you didn't really fall in love with her at the beginning, but were instead her knight in shining armour saving her from her financial troubles with her mother, I don't think staying in touch with an ex would constitute cheating in your situation. Did you both promise each other exclusivity when she moved in? If so then maybe yes, but if not, then communication with the ex IMO is not "cheating".

Once you fell in love with her you decided to cut off the contact with the ex and wanted to get more exclusive with the new GF. That all makes sense. She used it as an excuse to leave the relationship though, so that tells me that she wasn't that invested.

To be honest, at your age, you should be looking for a more mature woman. I'm a female in my 30s, and have TONS of female friends who just want to settle down with a good man and have a family. They have jobs, and know what they are looking for, and seriously want that more than ANYTHING. They would be very devoted wives. Your 24 yr old GF is not wanting to do that! She's off on a boat kissing another dude, so you need to let her go! She *might* be doing it to make you jealous, but regardless, that is a very immature way to get someone's attention.

Go out and try to find a woman in her 30s, who is a good match for you and READY to settle down and get married. Then, once you meet her, treat her well, don't live together, and propose once you fall in love. Short engagement and get married. I know so many lovely 30-something women who are just dying to meet a good man with a job who doesn't have kids/marriages in his background.

You are a good catch, so go out and find yourself a mature lady you can build a family with!

btw: you saying she is the only girl you ever wanted to have kids with just tells me that maybe you were never "in love" before... It can happen again. Good luck!

I also think you need to TOTALLY discontinue contact with her, for a month or two. If you do that your feelings of "love" with totally dissipate and you won't really feel all that much for her anymore.

You really need some time away. I've seen it happen before, the "love fog" or whatever, and the first few months will be awful. But if you truly don't contact her you WILL be over her before you know it, and can then be available to the other women out there on the market!

Abandonment issues!

Emotional abuse!
Partners in a relationship do not dictate things, nor do they get mad when negotiating their relationship.

It's called depression.
You were in a relationship with someone who was emotional abusive. It's very normal to feel anxious and depressed.

You are very lucky you escaped this one that easily.
GO NO CONTACT! She will most probably show up at your doorsstep sooner or later.

No kidding? What was her username?

AGG

Yup, unfortunately that's totally normal, and only time can properly heal the pain. I'm sure you know that, but it really does...

AGG

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the response. I want to say that I did "cheat". It was definitely an inappropriate relationship, and one that I will never tread near again. Though I am very surprised at her response as I was very willing to work things out.

And I am going no contact. I need it myself. Every time I talk to her, get a text from her (I can't block her sadly from the phone), or see her facebook, it puts me back at square one.

And I do plan to date again, just when I'm ready. I know right now I'm not emotionally stable, and I wouldn't want to put that on anyone. I'm not mentally set up to handle a relationship, and this has exposed some deeper issues (parental alcoholic stuff) that I had ignored all my life. I think I'd really like to work those issues out, or at least begin on working them out before I possibly hurt anyone else. The one thing that I'm grateful to her about is helping me see some of my own issues (which wasn't because of her wanting to point them out, it was because of the abuse). I now see many aspects of myself that I need to work on, and I think I'll be even better equipped for a relationship once I'm done.

I'm also thankful that this situation has brought my sister and I together. It's strengthened her and my relationship, and we can really identify with each other since we were brought up with the same difficulties. Our personalities are extremely similar, and so I've had a great guide through some of my more difficult moments.

I never really realized how much good information there is out there for relationships, and honestly how complicated they really are. I don't think most people are equipped for the challenges they face in relationships, and I just assumed I was. This has been very eye opening to me.

I'm sure you guys have already seen this, but it was new to me. I've been each of the main 3 points in the drama triangle, but most recently have seen that I really was the rescuer and the victim. She played the role of the perpetrator and victim too. It almost scared me how closely it describes me. Definitely gives me direction to work on.

http://www.angriesout.com/grown20.htm

Grs

AGoodGuy - Her name was LIT - Lost in Texas.

She was on a long time ago, and is now doing really well.

Grs

You need to change all your contact information or she will continue to contact you and you'll never heal.

Will you do this?

I need to look into that. The challenge is that my cell is actually a work cell phone. And I'll have to look into how to do that. Sadly, I can't change my address, and she knows that one (considering she used to live there).

Because of the work phone situation, it's going to muck this up. But I'm still going to investigate.

Honestly, I think she is done. I doubt she'll come back around or anything, and I'll stay away from her. She's too proud to come back, and I don't think she cares enough anymore to keep trying to hurt me. At least that's my hope.

Grs

I should also say that I'm ready to cut ties and heal. I want to move on and not hurt anymore.

Grs

See that's what you think most people would do. Cut ties and respect the break up, but she's proven she's young and immature.

So when you start healing and moving on that's when BAM she'll send you a message "just seeing how you're doing" and the sick cycle starts again.

What you do is change your phone number and forward it to all your work contacts your new number.

I'm going to be honest, I'm not ready yet. also, I think I'm about to lose my job next week, which I'll have to figure out too. I thought I was going to lose it this week, but I survived. Once it's in my name again (after I lose my job) I should be ok to block it or get a new number.

I'd be willing to bet that she's not going to come back around though. She is the type that will stick with her new guy because he has money. I was the exception to her rule of dating, I just make average money. He makes a lot, and she'll stick with it to maintain the life style. Which is good for me.

I'm obviously still struggling with this whole thing...

Grs

Update:

You all were right, she texted me tonight with the following "how is she" and "how is she treating u". Then she called once. It gave me quite a bit of anxiety, and I believe her to be talking about my ex fianc�e (not the ex girlfriend). My ex fianc�e is still my friend, but we broke up for a reason. And I have no feelings for her in that way (I broke things off, our relationship was not an equal one). She is, though, a great girl who I want to see happy with someone (and she has a bf of a year, which is exciting!). I also believe D was looking for an opening to tell me how well her pilot treats her, and how he's a "real man" compared to me. I don't need to hear that.

I ignored D's texts and calls. My guess is that the pilot is out of town, and she's drinking alone at home. I can understand how difficult that is to deal with considering I've been going through it since we broke up. But I am committed to my healing and will not fall for the bait. She is being the perpetrator right now, and I will not fall into the victim role. I felt a little peace tonight, and hope to continue that feeling. Hoping that tonight is not too large of a setback. But, I can see there is no caring in her text messages for me, they are self serving. And to give any response would return anger and hate to me. Even a loving one. So I understand my best course of action is to ignore her, as much as it pains me. Thank you all for the support. I am gaining strength and learning. And I'm committed to the continued forward movement.

It's been 45 minutes since I've received anything, so I know she's done for the night. I have weathered the storm. Tonight was easy compared to the previous nights, let's hope it continues that way.

Grs

Quite frankly, I have never met a girl like this, who is so bent on trying to destroy me. Yet professed so much love and adoration when we were together. She really does have 2 sides, and they are scary.

Grs

She thrives on drama and she's not done yet.

Either get an app which blocks her number or change your details!

You are NOT her puppet to jerk around when she's bored.

You've got weeks of healing to go yet and each piece of contact will reset the clock.

What a catch! Drunk, bitter and trouble causing via text.

Can you put a warning sign on her back as a courtesy to the next guy? ;D

She is truly dangerous. I honestly should have known because of her mother. She was raised to jump from guy to guy, an get engaged, then sell the diamonds from the ring to have enough money to live her lifestyle. They would often have to leave a guys place after moving in, in two weeks time.

But honestly, I didn't see any of this during our relationship. I had no idea she was capable of something crazy like this...

And regarding the phone, I've checked for apps to block her ( no good unless I jail break my phone, and can't do that since its a work phone), asked my office manager about blocking the number ( they can't because of a corporate account?), and changing my number would be incredibly difficult after 15 years of having it. But you are right IndieGirl, this was a setback. But I will continue to deal with it, educate myself, and ideally grow independent from her. I'm still continuing my counseling and alanon meetings. Also reading up a lot more about children of alcoholics and trying to identify patterns of behavior which are detrimental to me, but I perceive as normal.

Thanks again for the support everyone. Being able to talk about this stuff really helps me.

Grs

Ok, if you don't respond AT ALL, drama queen will get bored and move on to more responsive targets.

By no response, I also mean don't respond to gossip or third party messages (if someone mentions her name, change the subject or say "I'd rather not talk about her". If someone gives you a message from her, again shrug and change the subject, or if pressed say "I'd rather not talk about her")

The next text you get, delete it UNREAD (you don't need her words in your head), if she calls, hang up. If she sends a letter or leaves a note on your car, throw it away without reading a word.

You'll be amazed how effective a cure for unhappy love cold turkey can be.

Yes, that is my plan. I think it will go as far as some more texts when she is alone or if her and pilot break up. But she will get bored, and last night was a god example. Previously she would text and call all night, last night I got 3 texts and 1 call. The final text being "that's cool", which means "whatever...". And she was bored at that point and move on to new targets I'm sure. I'm not the only guy she's probably doing this to either right now. I'm sure she has a stable of guys to keep her feeling good about herself even though she isn't "with" them. But she's keeping options. And I'll fall away as I'm not participating as much.

I just hope to find someone I can care about this much for, but that is healthy. I don't want to get fooled again. I honestly thought I knew better ...

Grs