Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by BrainHurts


Thanks, that's it



Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
Originally Posted by ItCanGetBetter
You move back/stay in the marital home partly for legal reasons. To establish that you are not the one who abandoned the marriage.

Someone will soon post a link to a thread about men not leaving their home, read it.

You have as much legal right to be there as she does

If she wants to separate, she leaves.

Doesn't mean you would stay there after a Divorce. Just protecting your interests

Excited for this link. flirt

Should I get some legal advice then? The mortgage/title also has WW's parents on it - they own %25.

And yes, BrainHurts, she's paying the mortgage by herself. (We have a very cheap mortgage)

This is a good pressure point for you. Depending on what kind of people your in-laws are, I don't think they would take too kindly to their daughter defaulting on a loan they helped secure. And CERTAINLY not for the reason for said default.

This would be the least of my worries at this point.

Last edited by Viper; 08/30/13 09:50 PM.

Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by ItCanGetBetter
If the mortgage falls behind, her credit takes the same hit yours does. Her name is on the mortgage.

That old arrangement may have been taking advantage of you. She was building equity in the house while you we're stuffing a shoe box with utility receipts.

She did have the mortgage before we got together, but then we bought a new house and now I'm on the title. And we're being pretty civil and agreed that I would get half of the equity that we had. Does/would this change anything?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
And right now I'm staying at my parents' place, and they're about 23 hours away from driving me nuts. You're right about it being a red carpet for them. OM is actually living at his parents' too & is unemployed so me moving back in would absolutely mess up their plans for shenanigans. I LIKE THIS.

I agree you should go back home. Moving out only facilitates the affair. I would just go home with no warning.

And I would drive to the OM's house tomorrow and tell his parents he is having an affair with a married woman. His mother and dad might not be too thrilled to discovered their son is behaving like low down trash.

Does this piece of crap have a facebook page? If so, copy and paste his contacts into a WORD doc and notify his relatives tomorrow via a private message. They should all know!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
She did have the mortgage before we got together, but then we bought a new house and now I'm on the title. And we're being pretty civil and agreed that I would get half of the equity that we had. Does/would this change anything?

NO. Terrorists are always "civil" when you go along with their plans of destruction.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Here is the message you should be sending to LoserBoy - run that piece of crap off!!



"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Here is the message you should be sending to LoserBoy - run that piece of crap off!!


My apologies to crap for the insulting comparison... Nooo


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
So many replies! I feel like I have the power of 100,000 THUNDER-PEOPLE BEHIND ME!!!


Ok, so the organize the plan:
1. Get back into my house ASAP
2. Don't worry

And then my worries:
1. I can't afford the entire financial situation of the house by myself


Her parents would not let a default on her part happen. They have buckets of money and would take care of any of her financial hardships.

And this POSOM does have FB. What does this message to his parents look like (if they're on FB)?

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
Here.
FACEBOOK or email exposure letter to family and friends of YOUR WS - this was written by board member, Underdog:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
All the exposure templates you need are in here.
Exposure 101


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
So many replies! I feel like I have the power of 100,000 THUNDER-PEOPLE BEHIND ME!!!


Ok, so the organize the plan:
1. Get back into my house ASAP
2. Don't worry

And then my worries:
1. I can't afford the entire financial situation of the house by myself

Your wife will have to continue to pay her part of the mortgage. She can't just walk away.

Quote
And this POSOM does have FB. What does this message to his parents look like (if they're on FB)?

knock, knock, knock

MrFather comes to door: Hello MrFAther, I am CC, the HUSBAND of MRsCC. Are you aware that your son is having an affair with my wife??

MrFather: OMG!

CC: this is true. I am heartbroken and so are her parents and family. I am asking that you persuade your son to leave my wife alone! IF he does not, I will be dragging him into court when I file for divorce on grounds of adultery

And then to the OM's family members, send this PM on facebook:

Quote
Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that OW is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
I would go to the OM's house in person OR call them. I would also call her parents tomorrow.

All of the other exposures can be done via email. Please read my exposure thread and follow the instructions.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here.
FACEBOOK or email exposure letter to family and friends of YOUR WS - this was written by board member, Underdog:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on an affair with a old boyfriend named xxxxx xxxxx who resides in xxxxxx. He is also married and has young children . The purpose of the separation is so that she can carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Great thanks! I did see that in the other thread, silly me. I know that OM's parents are very religious, although OM is in between religions and WW is 98% Atheist 2% Agnostic, so I think this might have an impact.

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
If both your names are on the mortgage, you default or not together. Neither she nor her parents can prevent a default on her part without also preventing your default.

You wouldn't have to keep the house after a D.

Just move home and don't worry about the mortgage for now


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
Great thanks! I did see that in the other thread, silly me. I know that OM's parents are very religious, although OM is in between religions and WW is 98% Atheist 2% Agnostic, so I think this might have an impact.

CC, go visit them in PERSON. Go to the OM's house and knock on his door.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Your wife will have to continue to pay her part of the mortgage. She can't just walk away.

Originally Posted by ItCanGetBetter
If both your names are on the mortgage, you default or not together. Neither she nor her parents can prevent a default on her part without also preventing your default.

You wouldn't have to keep the house after a D.

Just move home and don't worry about the mortgage for now


This is excellent news. I will move back tomorrow morning! So all of this mortgage fiasco can just be handle after/during divorce then, right? If she still wants OM by the time of our divorce, I could just leave the house with her (if I so choose)?

Last edited by ClickityClack; 08/30/13 10:21 PM.
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
Great thanks! I did see that in the other thread, silly me. I know that OM's parents are very religious, although OM is in between religions and WW is 98% Atheist 2% Agnostic, so I think this might have an impact.

CC, go visit them in PERSON. Go to the OM's house and knock on his door.


I'm naturally a very anxious person, but I will try my darnedest to follow this!

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by ClickityClack
Great thanks! I did see that in the other thread, silly me. I know that OM's parents are very religious, although OM is in between religions and WW is 98% Atheist 2% Agnostic, so I think this might have an impact.

CC, go visit them in PERSON. Go to the OM's house and knock on his door.


I'm naturally a very anxious person, but I will try my darnedest to follow this!

The OM will be very anxious when he sees you pull into his parent's driveway!! OM are worms and cowards and he will cower when he sees you there. Can you take a friend or relative for moral support?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
It is real important that you do all of your exposures in one day to create a tsunami effect, so I would be real strategic about this in order to get the biggest bang for your buck. Saturday would be a good day to expose and move back home.

Start the day early by going to your house and seeing if the OM is there. Take some photos and then head on over to his house and meet with his parents.

From there, go to your wife's parents house and tell them all about the affair and how long it has been going on. MAKE SURE YOU TELL THEM THIS IS WHY YOUR WIFE WANTED TO BREAK UP. Don't give her any room to spin this with "CC moved out and I just hooked up with OM after he left!"

After you do this, go to your parents home, get on your computer and start sending emails to your wife's friends and family. Expose to the family members of the OM via facebook.

When you are done, pack your bag and move back home. Walk in and say "honey, I'm home!!" laugh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Page 3 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Blackhawk), 114 guests, and 51 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P.
71,728 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,546
Posts2,322,790
Members71,729
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5