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She has refused to talk any more. She closed that conversation with she is gone if I bring up the past again.
We never had a marathon talk session about the past. Something she would do had brought the past back up about every 4 years. A couple of questions would be talked about. She would put the breaks on and not get more specific.
Such as when she restarted he friendship with her BGF/enabler for about a year about 7-8 years post dday.
Dday I bought nothing happened. Every 4 years a new dday in that a new fact showed more happened.
That is a good question to ask her. If she can not remember she should prove that with a polygraph. TR, are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph? Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one or talk any further?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph?
Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one...?Your situation (and course of action) cannot be defined any more clearly than your answer to these two questions. If the answer to either/both is "No", then you will be playing a game of "marital chicken" with her as you make the need for a poly a condition of your marriage. If she refuses, and you fold (or if she prepares to leave, and you beg her to stay  ), you would have shot your bolt, and there would be NOTHING more to save in your union. If both answers are "Yes", then steel yourself, commit yourself to follow through, and insist on the test.
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I also seriously doubt she would leave the marriage if he brought it up again. How many times have we heard that bluff? That is a bluff to keep him quiet. So if he brings it up and offers her a solution so he really doesn't bring it up again, she may take the bait.
But he can't just NOT make the offer on the basis of a bluff. If she will only stay if she can continue to be dishonest, then there is no marriage anyway.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She has refused to talk any more. She closed that conversation with she is gone if I bring up the past again.
We never had a marathon talk session about the past. Something she would do had brought the past back up about every 4 years. A couple of questions would be talked about. She would put the breaks on and not get more specific.
Such as when she restarted he friendship with her BGF/enabler for about a year about 7-8 years post dday.
Dday I bought nothing happened. Every 4 years a new dday in that a new fact showed more happened.
That is a good question to ask her. If she can not remember she should prove that with a polygraph. TR, are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph? Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one or talk any further? No.
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Are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph?
Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one...? **edit**
Last edited by MBsurvivor; 09/15/13 05:14 PM. Reason: TOS personal attack
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She has refused to talk any more. She closed that conversation with she is gone if I bring up the past again.
We never had a marathon talk session about the past. Something she would do had brought the past back up about every 4 years. A couple of questions would be talked about. She would put the breaks on and not get more specific.
Such as when she restarted he friendship with her BGF/enabler for about a year about 7-8 years post dday.
Dday I bought nothing happened. Every 4 years a new dday in that a new fact showed more happened.
That is a good question to ask her. If she can not remember she should prove that with a polygraph. TR, are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph? Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one or talk any further? No. Then, you'll just keep running around the same circles forever, like you've been doing for the past 6 years. You'll keep asking questions, she'll keep refusing to answer and claiming she doesn't remember, and nothing will happen. That's a choice you've made. I don't think there's much more anyone here can do for you.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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She has refused to talk any more. She closed that conversation with she is gone if I bring up the past again.
We never had a marathon talk session about the past. Something she would do had brought the past back up about every 4 years. A couple of questions would be talked about. She would put the breaks on and not get more specific.
Such as when she restarted he friendship with her BGF/enabler for about a year about 7-8 years post dday.
Dday I bought nothing happened. Every 4 years a new dday in that a new fact showed more happened.
That is a good question to ask her. If she can not remember she should prove that with a polygraph. TR, are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph? Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one or talk any further? No. Then why not accept the consequences of your decision? You have chosen to do nothing. Just learn to accept your choices.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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TR, are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph? Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one or talk any further? No. Are you prepared to ask her anything at all? Will you ask her once and for all to give you full details of the affair? Will you ask her to take a polygraph?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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You said this back in 2008: About every 4 to 5 years for the last 27 years, my wife's affair could not stay buried. It was not because NC was broken. My wife would not get rid of the OM's gold chain and gold heart that he gave her. Some how it would reappear. Another time is when she decided to restart a friendship with her best friend from high school. BF's husband was friends with OM.
When forced to remember that time I would ask what really happened. My wife would intimidate me to end my questioning very quickly after admitting to something new with no detail. So each time I would find out that more had happened. The last time was they went all the way, once. The only detail was that it was in his grandma's living room. How could you possibly believe that she doesn't know the OM's name if her BF's H is friends with him and she has been to his grandmother's house? I could maybe see it if it was a ONS with a stranger she met when she was on a business trip or something but this sounds very far from that. Aside from the thread I just linked above, It should be noted that you have started basically the same thread several times over the years. You were told over and over that's very unlikely she would forget the name and her not revealing it is a dealbreaker. I think in one thread you admitted yourself you did not believe her. Here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=164266&Number=2532756#Post2532756and here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=165765&Number=2594093#Post2594093and here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=165773&Number=2594473#Post2594473Are you hoping some WW will say some magical thing to make you feel better about this? That's not going to happen.... Sorry 
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Like I said on his other thread, I am of the belief that people who have the SAME problem year after year are not seriously seeking solutions. I believe that is the case here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you prepared to have her leave if you insist on a polygraph?
Are you prepared to leave if she will not take one...? **edit** Maybe NG will get the hint and not post to me.
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Why, because he asks things you don't want to hear?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Why, because he asks things you don't want to hear? It is not what is being said. It is who is saying it.
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TheRoad --
You aren't willing to set boundries with your wife.
So accept that she is calling the shots, and she doesn't feel like telling you anything about her affair.
No matter how bad you want her to, and no matter how much you ask, SHE is in charge, and SHE has already told you as much as she ever will.
You are not willing to stand up for yourself.
You are not willing to put consequences in place.
You are not willing to set boundries of what you won't accept.
This has become YOUR problem, not hers.
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