Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 73 of 85 1 2 71 72 73 74 75 84 85
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Got this via email from WW not sure on how to respond. Please help.

WW: What shoe size does DS wear? And if I send him something would you give it to him from mommy? Be honest.
She doesn't know what shoe size her child wears?? I can't remember; are you in Plan B? If you are not in Plan B, I would respond: His shoe size is XX.Please send any packages to him at XX. If you are in Plan B, you shouldn't have gotten her message.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Plan A. Thanks for the advice, really appreciate the response.

Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,156
Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Got this via email from WW not sure on how to respond. Please help.

WW: What shoe size does DS wear? And if I send him something would you give it to him from mommy? Be honest.

I would send her something like "Well, that's awfully nice of you. He was wearing size XX, but has now grown up to a size ZZ. You know how fast they grow! And, of course I'd be happy to tell him they're from mommy.

I'm sure he'll appreciate your thoughtfulness, as do I."

I'm in sales and customer service (self employed). This is what's called creating fear of loss. The fear of loss in this case is that she is missing her son growing up to the point that she doesn't even know his show size. Uhh, every mom should know that. Well, every mom that is there, of course. The first thing that will cross her mind is just what she's really missing by engaging in her affair.

Like that pebble in the stream to build the dam, this is one more way of pointing out the really important things in life that she is throwing away and never to be recovered. She can't get her child growing up without her there back....ever. The beauty is, you don't even have to point that out. Believe me, it will hit her over the head like a bag of bricks.

Last edited by Viper; 09/27/13 07:11 PM.

Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


Joined: May 2012
Posts: 240
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 240
Awesome tip Viper!

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
My email response:

"Well, that's really nice of you. He was wearing size XX but has now grown up to a size XX depending on the shoe. You know how fast they grow! This guy eats like he's grown! The other night I made grilled halibut, asparagus and pear slices. He ate two whole halibut steaks and his vegetables! One hour later he wanted cereal. And, of course I'd be happy to tell him they're from mommy."

I didn't get a response POSOM came back yesterday. Thanks for the advice, now to enjoy my weekend with a movie with DS.


Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
There were several really helpful posters that stuck through the entire thread with MYIL, including both Mr. and Mrs. W.

I guess you have to use the special secret Cologne for things to work out.

LTL


So he had the attention of two of the big guns around here. You jealous?

"special cologne" what's that about?

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Here you go.
MywifeIlove

Darn you BH. It took me over 2 days to read that entire thread, but it was worth it.

LTL

I just finished and the similarities are startling. Gives me a renewed vigor for the fight! I'm a year in and I KNOW I can do this! I had real insecurities about POSOM, self esteem issues. I thought maybe he was a better man than me. But that thread and some intel I received proved those negative thoughts wrong. I am the better option, mentally, physically, financially and emotionally. Thanks for the link BH and the advice everyone.

Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Originally Posted by TheRoad
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
There were several really helpful posters that stuck through the entire thread with MYIL, including both Mr. and Mrs. W.

I guess you have to use the special secret Cologne for things to work out.

LTL


So he had the attention of two of the big guns around here. You jealous?

"special cologne" what's that about?

You need to read the thread, or at least Mr. W's posts in it.

There were at least 3-4 other continuously very helpful posters who were very regular contributors with great MB advice. Plus, there was another poster with a near identical sitch with his WW named "DazedAndConfused" that i would like to read his whole story to see how it turned out.

LTL

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
You are always a better option than the OM even on a bad day.

YOU do not treat your WW like a used, rolled up tissue.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
Originally Posted by TheRoad
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
There were several really helpful posters that stuck through the entire thread with MYIL, including both Mr. and Mrs. W.

I guess you have to use the special secret Cologne for things to work out.

LTL


So he had the attention of two of the big guns around here. You jealous?

"special cologne" what's that about?

You need to read the thread, or at least Mr. W's posts in it.

There were at least 3-4 other continuously very helpful posters who were very regular contributors with great MB advice. Plus, there was another poster with a near identical sitch with his WW named "DazedAndConfused" that i would like to read his whole story to see how it turned out.

LTL

Sshhhhhh...we don't tell The Road about the Cologne. Interestingly I just stumbled upon my bottle of Bvlgari this morning and I'm wearing it now.

The Dazed story is awfully convoluted. It also was a long battle (for his wife and between MB board members) and he eventually prevailed even though his wife had moved in with OM. However, several years later his wife showed up here seeking out help because Dazed was having an affair. She exposed it...it ended and they were recovering again. Last time I emailed Dazed he didn't respond so I don't have any more updates other than that.


Tranquil,

Nice job on the shoe thing. I don't recall your whole story but if OM was out of town could you ever just suggest, even in a joking manner..."hey, why don't you just sneak off and come visit us for a day and buy the sneakers for DS yourself". I'll buy lunch. Whatya say?"

Getting her sneaking around on OM seems like a worthy endeavor. She might not do it this time and you can just laugh it off as though you were merely joking....but it may plant the seed for next time OM is out of town that she COULD have the option of sneaking in a visit.

Whether you recover or become a single guy one day...anything you can do to improve your confidence looks wise will pay off. Take advantage of those military benefits and get anything you can think of to help you out. Corrective eye surgery so you can get rid of glasses/contacts, braces and/or teeth whitening, dermatologist...even manicures, new haircut, different grooming...etc. I already presume you are and have maintained being in great shape....so that's consistent but, in hopes of impressing her the next time you see her (or if and when you become single) think of some things out of the box to help you shock her and increase your perceived value. The last couple years have certainly been shocking and stressful. You want and need to release that stress and not allow it to effect your appearance and confidence.






FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
She and OM live in another state

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
MrWondering please do not encourage this poster to have manicures ; this has already been addressed with him

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
I get a monthly pedicure its wonderful! DO NOT JUDGE ME LOL

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Originally Posted by TranquilDark
I get a monthly pedicure its wonderful! DO NOT JUDGE ME LOL

doh2 faint naughty

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Well this Plan A is showing some progress, WW called and talked to me about SS and her life. It seems SS isn't doing well in school and that WW was hospitalized a couple months ago. When I asked her what happened she said "don't worry about it". Other than that I deposited some love units with light banter. She wants to come visit with SS sometime soon. I don't know what to make of this but I'll take it as a positive.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
You don't suppose OM abused her, do you? The lack of info about WHY she was there concerns me...


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
I do believe that. Because if it was something other she would of told me. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and maybe she will open up to me about it.

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Plan A appears to be working. I am sure you heard that you are in a marathon, not a sprint.

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Positive signs. And you are doing a great job of not pushing to hard. Just being a kind and caring ear is a great thing.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
I'm sorry that you are in yhis position but you're doing a great job.

Page 73 of 85 1 2 71 72 73 74 75 84 85

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 120 guests, and 54 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P.
71,728 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,546
Posts2,322,791
Members71,729
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5