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Originally Posted by black_raven
Yet you married...why? If this girl is as you describe and her mother does not want to discipline her...well...you knew all this when you married.

Why does anyone make a mistake in life?

Have you never made a mistake? Have you NEVER felt like (at the time) you were making a good decision, only to find out later you should have been more careful?

Do you feel like you are trying to help me right now, or are you trying to make me think I was stupid for doing so? Think about that before typing a post that could be perceived as an attack against me.

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
Do you have the book Love Busters? Can you buy the ebook version and read from work?

Yes, we have read from the book.

Did you follow the plan in the book to eliminate angry outbursts, selfish demands, and disrespectful judgments together? The plan works very well and teaches you to change your habits. It involves exchanging a weekly worksheet to give each other feedback.

Reading the book but not following the plan doesn't work any better than reading a diet and then eating whatever you want.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie, ***EDIT*** Good luck and adios!

Last edited by Mizar; 10/14/13 01:02 PM. Reason: TOS: personal attack

BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by markos
I don't understand .... why you're posting the big bolded sections.

I am just extremely upset right now.

And I also feel VERY DEFEATED!!!!!

I apologize for sounding so upset.

Please don't judge me on my "upsettedness" - - it isn't who I truly am. Just try to understand me for a little while, OK?

You (no one specific person) are in no position to cast any stones (am I correct?) so please keep that in mind when you think about adding your two cents.


I am really not trying to take my frustrations out on anyone here right now..... but everyone needs to think their replies through carefully before posting.

I am sensing a LOT (tremendous amount) of disrespectful judgements going on here.

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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by black_raven
Ernie, ***EDIT*** Good luck and adios!

Please read my previous post. That was so disrespectful.

Last edited by Mizar; 10/14/13 01:04 PM. Reason: TOS: removing quote
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by markos
You are going to have to invest a lot more time into learning this program than you have been investing.

We'll be glad to help.

Thank you. I appreciate your stance towards me.
You I trust... some others just want to attack me ;'-(

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Are you willing to invest the time that markos has suggested?
Are you willing to do what it will take to save your marriage?


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
I don't understand .... why you're posting the big bolded sections.

I am just extremely upset right now.

And I also feel VERY DEFEATED!!!!!

I apologize for sounding so upset.

Please don't judge me on my "upsettedness" - - it isn't who I truly am. Just try to understand me for a little while, OK?

You (no one specific person) are in no position to cast any stones (am I correct?) so please keep that in mind when you think about adding your two cents.


I am really not trying to take my frustrations out on anyone here right now..... but everyone needs to think their replies through carefully before posting.

I am sensing a LOT (tremendous amount) of disrespectful judgements going on here.

Ernie, I don't think I'm judging you. I'm trying to help you focus on what you need to do to save your marriage. Your wife is threatening divorce, but using this plan you can still turn things around. Helping people do that is what we do here.

It sounds like you're focusing on making a good impression with us, rather than taking the steps that need to be done. Don't worry about making a good impression - I was a complete JERK when I came here! The person you need to impress is not us; it's your wife!

Are you ready to get to work?

I'm seeing a lot of posts from you telling us what we need to think about you and your wife - but not a lot of posts saying "Thank you for the suggestion - I'm going to do that!" For example, I posted a link to the radio show and suggested you start listening. Going to do that? I've suggested you follow the plan in Love Busters to eliminate demands, disrespect, and anger. Going to do that? I'm convinced you probably need to take anger management - I had to do that myself to save my marriage! Are you going to do that?

If you get to work on these things, you can probably save your marriage. And probably build a great relationship with your stepdaughter down the road, too.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
You are going to have to invest a lot more time into learning this program than you have been investing.

We'll be glad to help.

Thank you. I appreciate your stance towards me.
You I trust... some others just want to attack me ;'-(

Quit arguing with people, because it doesn't help you save your marriage at all. If you want to, you can just click ignore on people.

Ready to get to work?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by markos
This problem and all marital problems are impossible to resolve in the presence of angry outbursts. I see that you have previously refused to take any sort of anger management training. That is going to make this problem impossible to solve, and your marriage will very likely end in divorce.

I don't want that. Financially it is difficult in our house, and I feel like "the only way out" in sometimes is to work harder to keep the bills paid.

My wife is a S.A.H.M. I do not know what she spends her child support on (~ $850 a month) and she has never shared her bank account information with me. I mentioned this in an email recently and she never responded to me. She does pay the power each month (~$300) but I pay all the other expenses.

I can't even imagine where the time and money would come from to take anger management, since there is already a huge shortage of time and money the way things are now.

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
This problem and all marital problems are impossible to resolve in the presence of angry outbursts. I see that you have previously refused to take any sort of anger management training. That is going to make this problem impossible to solve, and your marriage will very likely end in divorce.

I don't want that. Financially it is difficult in our house, and I feel like "the only way out" in sometimes is to work harder to keep the bills paid.

You are not going to make it, then. I'm sorry.

It seems like everything we suggest you do, you have a reason not to do it.

A divorce is going to be a lot more expensive than learning proper anger management.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
This problem and all marital problems are impossible to resolve in the presence of angry outbursts. I see that you have previously refused to take any sort of anger management training. That is going to make this problem impossible to solve, and your marriage will very likely end in divorce.

I don't want that. Financially it is difficult in our house, and I feel like "the only way out" in sometimes is to work harder to keep the bills paid.

Did you know that people with good marriages typically do much better financially than those with bad marriages?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Prisca
Are you willing to invest the time that markos has suggested?
Are you willing to do what it will take to save your marriage?

yes........my emotions have shifted down one gear. I am a little more rational now.... I just can't believe that way I was being treated for a bit, there.

I know it is going to be tough.... I know it always is.

OK - {rant on} I *feel* like I am always being told I am the one who has to make all the sacrifices in our marriage to make it better (I feel used up and spent as it is already). I *feel* like no one ever wants to hear my side, and I also *feel* like my feelings and emotions should not matter to anyone...like they don't count.... and I feel that a lot from my wife.{rant off}

sorry all about the venting I am doing :-(

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Originally Posted by markos
It seems like everything we suggest you do, you have a reason not to do it.

A divorce is going to be a lot more expensive than learning proper anger management.

Oh, truly.... I am not trying to make any excuses. I am just ''wondering aloud'',that's all.

Bear with me.

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by Prisca
Are you willing to invest the time that markos has suggested?
Are you willing to do what it will take to save your marriage?

yes........my emotions have shifted down one gear. I am a little more rational now.... I just can't believe that way I was being treated for a bit, there.

I know it is going to be tough.... I know it always is.

OK - {rant on} I *feel* like I am always being told I am the one who has to make all the sacrifices in our marriage to make it better (I feel used up and spent as it is already). I *feel* like no one ever wants to hear my side, and I also *feel* like my feelings and emotions should not matter to anyone...like they don't count.... and I feel that a lot from my wife.{rant off}

sorry all about the venting I am doing :-(

Well, no, you don't have to do stuff to save your marriage. You don't have to save it at all. You CAN save it, if you want to, using this program.

There are no sacrifices required. Marriage Builders stands against sacrifice in marriage - it is a marriage destroying practice.

That does not mean you don't need to change. Both you and your wife will have to change and make adjustments in order to have a good marriage.

One thing that absolutely must change is that you must eliminate demands, disrespect, and anger. You can't have a good marriage with these three bad behaviors. You need to learn to recognize and eliminate them. I hope you don't view giving up these nasty things as "sacrifice."


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
It seems like everything we suggest you do, you have a reason not to do it.

A divorce is going to be a lot more expensive than learning proper anger management.

Oh, truly.... I am not trying to make any excuses. I am just ''wondering aloud'',that's all.

Bear with me.

Lots of "venting" and "wondering" - not a lot of "following the suggestions and taking the steps necessary."

This program works when followed!

Have you seen Lord of the Rings?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by markos
I recommend you start here, because you can listen while at work or while driving to work:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

I cannot access that from where I am ... but I will listen to it when I get home.

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Originally Posted by markos
Lots of "venting" and "wondering" - not a lot of "following the suggestions and taking the steps necessary."

well, I am at work right now.... so keep that in mind, I am trying to type responses in between doing my job.

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by Prisca
Are you willing to invest the time that markos has suggested?
Are you willing to do what it will take to save your marriage?

yes........my emotions have shifted down one gear. I am a little more rational now.... I just can't believe that way I was being treated for a bit, there.
Then you will need to take anger management. Your marriage will not survive if you don't.
You also need to re-read Lovebusters. Particularly the chapters on Disrespectful Judgements and Angry Outbursts. You need to come up with a plan to completely eliminate these.

Quote
I know it is going to be tough.... I know it always is.
It will not always be tough, if you follow the plan. Markos and I have been there, followed the plan, and now are in a marriage that's better than we ever dreamed. It's not tough on us anymore.

Quote
OK - {rant on} I *feel* like I am always being told I am the one who has to make all the sacrifices in our marriage to make it better (I feel used up and spent as it is already). I *feel* like no one ever wants to hear my side, and I also *feel* like my feelings and emotions should not matter to anyone...like they don't count.... and I feel that a lot from my wife.{rant off}
I suggest as part of your commitment to eliminate Angry Outbursts and Disrespectful Judgements, you also stop ranting. Rants feed your anger, and are unproductive.


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by markos
Lots of "venting" and "wondering" - not a lot of "following the suggestions and taking the steps necessary."

well, I am at work right now.... so keep that in mind, I am trying to type responses in between doing my job.

Yeah, me too - I had to figure out this whole program while holding down a fulltime job. I got the radio show archives and downloaded them and listened to them on my commute, which was extremely helpful.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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