Can you get some help to pack up his things?

I found that so distressing and my family just carried me through that.

Please don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Exposure is for you, so you realise there is nothing for you to feel ashamed about and that you get you the support you deserve.

Make sure he abides by ALL the conditions Melody Lane has advised if he wants to stay.

Just agreeing to 'some' won't cut it.

Thank you MeldoyLane. I still am not good with the quote thing.

'Blueberries, I would try this plan. Go set him down and tell him what it will take to keep you in this marriage. Give him this chance to meet your conditions. If he refuses, then ask him to move out. NOW.

Ask him to send a no contact letter to the OW that is written together, approved by you and mailed together. [template below from SAA] You will be given her full name, phone #, and address and will mail the letter to her and her husband.

Tell him you are willing to give him an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. end all contact with the OW for life

2. complete elimination of facebook and all social networking - agree to never be on the computer unless you are there with him

3. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

4. no more opposite sex friendships

5. complete honesty about him affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. commit to the Marriage Builders program for recovery as outlined in the book Surviving an Affair.

Tell him "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on his willingness and ability to make radical changes. His lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. He is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. He must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless he makes a 180 degree turn in his approach to what it means to be a husband, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.

Unless you use this program to create a much better marriage than the one you had before the affair, you are likely looking at repeat affairs. So don't even think you can get away with sweeping the affair under the rug and going back to what you had before. What you had before led to the affair!'

I have nothing to loose. Everything to gain. Still hurts. I will be a better person because of it.

Blueberrys, I know we are going a little bit bootcamp on you, but really we are just very concerned!

Hugs (((((((((((Blueberrys)))))))))))))

Make sure you 1) eat and 2) sleep

If you can't do that, bite into something/anything occasionally and lie down with your eyes closed now and then.

"Can you get some help to pack up his things?

I found that so distressing and my family just carried me through that.

Please don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Exposure is for you, so you realise there is nothing for you to feel ashamed about and that you get you the support you deserve.

Make sure he abides by ALL the conditions Melody Lane has advised if he wants to stay.

Just agreeing to 'some' won't cut it.'

No I am pretty isolated. Its tough but not impossible. Its scary but again not impossible.
Thank you again for the advice.

Well, we are here.

This is important advice indiegirl. When I first had my WW leave I ate 1 bananna and 2 pieces of bread. The rest of my sustenance came from Coca-Cola and cigarettes. I lost 15 lbs in 3 days, and only slept about 6 hours total. I do not recommend it.

Take good care of yourself. It's tough we know. Come here often and get the encouragement to be strong, and do it right.

Thank you.
I guess I had just hoped it would never have to had come to this.
I very much appreciate the advice and support.
Trying very hard not to play the victim card and hope I dont come across as a cry baby. Please forgive me if I do.

Blueberrys you are going through one of the worst traumas it is possible to go through.

Dr Harley has had clients tell them it was a worse pain than rape or the loss of a child.

You are doing this on your own. Packing up his stuff. Not shirking from the task in hand no matter how tough.

I hyperventilated in a corner while my mother packed up my WHs stuff.

I think you are a heroine.

blueberrys, just click on the "quote" button at the bottom of each post and a new box will pop up. Then delete out the parts you want to eliminate.

You can be a crybaby with us, BB! We completely understand.

Wrote a letter with the advice from MelodyLane. I didn't negotiate and I have a signed agreement! yay!

Good first step! Now he has to actually DO the things on the list. Has he given you all the contact information about the OW? Once you have that, I would get ahold of her husband/boyfriend and run that skank off. The next step will be to get him off the computer altogether and schedule a polygraph.

Good job! Now we will see if he will back up his talk with ACTION.

x2

He needs to walk the walk not just talk the talk.

How does he feel about a poly? They can get a bit changeable on that subject.

Yes, I have made a timeline that the all conditions for reconcilliation are met by sunday. Yes its a short timeframe but I think that 3 days is more then enough to have everything in order.
I will continue to let you know how it is all going.
I am proud of my self for being so strong.
I am excited that he agreed and looking forward to a wonderful marriage but I will not negotiate my terms.
You were right, I had nothing to loose and everything to gain.

Good girl! I knew you would kick azz.

I just want to make sure you're not missing any of the steps. I know that you are to expose to OWH, and that you already exposed on both yours and WH's side - but does that involve the kids too?

Any children over the age of four should know about their father's A. If you give us their ages you can get tailored advice from others who have done it, but it's best to just do it in what is an age appropriate way.

The way it usually goes is: "Dad has had a girlfriend and you are not supposed to do that when married it is called adultery. This is why I have been so sad and why things around here have been a bit strange. I love Daddy and I have been asking him to stop and instead spend his time with us as a family". They should also be encouraged to speak with him, tell you anything strange they have seen, and just generally hug it out.

Do you have any snooping tools in place to look for ongoing contact?