StopBS,
I am new here and it does brake my heart to hear what you are going through. I have had my shares of pain. I have to say honestly I give you a lot of credit for trying to fix your marriage. I understand your passed that now but it is still a very hard thing to do. My xWW cheated on me numerous times over a ten year period. It destroyed me and she begged every time for me to forgive her and we would have a wonderful life together. I fell for it. I remember the day I found her talking to another man on the phone. I had previously told her if she did it again we were done. I was not even going to entertain arguing over it. I confronted her on it and asked her if it was worth it. She said it was my fault. I told her to leave and filed for divorce seven days later. My D day was three days before Christmas so it killed my kids. I retained custody of all four of my kids and she moved in with the OM right away.

I can honestly say it still hurts to think about the overall betrayal but I am really glad she is gone. Its been 6 years and Life is Good.

I am sure once you get through this you will see it was best for you to take care of you.

Hi Hawk,

Its a hard decision to want to save your marriage when the WS is so deep in a fog they don't even care. I was in my own fog. I was patient, I beleived all the gaslighting. It took being away from it and having no contact to realize I am fine without him and all the drama his POSOW created in my life is gone too. That I think hurt alot too. He had to know it was her doing this to me and he did nothing about it. Did he not care? Did he believe she was innocent? She's batcr*p crazy.

I never got the "lets try to work it out" speech. He would come around when I would disappear and then he would disappear when I let my guard down. I lost 25 lbs over it all. I've finally been gaining it back slowly.

Thank you for the support. Its the hardest and most painful experience of my life and I've been through alot, I am also a 9/11 survivor..

I am also off Facebook for a few weeks now, can't see people's dramas and there are no triggers... It's alot easier this time.

WOW...... Speechless......

I would take time out for yourself. Make new friends. Go out do things that you have not done. Live life. It sounds to me like you are a survivor in every sense of the word.

StopTheBS, you are not in Plan B.
You aren't.
Though you are in the process of the divorce, you don't break the no contact part of the plan. It is for you to be out of the drama.

Hawk.........read up on the basic concepts (top of the page has links) and start a thread for yourself to share about your situation.

I have a question. My STBXH filed. Made a big to-do about how we are done and I need to just move on. Told me that he has moved on and sees no future for us and regrets nothing. Asked my MIL to remove all pictures of me because they are upsetting and rude to his POSOW. Wants me to stop using his last name. Tells me every single chance he ever got that we are not together anymore and he is happy now and for me to just move on. My MIL told me the POSOW and him fight constantly and she always wants wants wants and even asks people how much expensive things cost so my STBX will buy it for her. I am so done with the fog and not even sure I believe it exists. I think these are two selfish self entitled people who use everyone including each other and then just walk away... so why has nothing happened since I got the divorce papers he filed? I checked today, it's been over 60 days since he filed. And nothing has moved. How long does it take? I am refusing to sign. Can't he just get it by default? Wouldn't I see some progress on the legal website by now?

Oh and he had wanted to sit down to "talk" about all this. My IC said absolutely not. That every conversation is used by him to tell me again and again how he doesn't love me like a wife and he is doing this so I will happy. Isn't that nice of him? To think of MY happiness in all this and to decide that divorcing me so he can carry on with the POSOW is for MY benefit? I can't imagine why I don't see this as the sweetest thing he's ever done for me. Never mind that my MIL told me the POSOW told him that she got her divorce and now he MUST get his or lose her. So he did it. Supposedly. People do what they want to do. He did this because he wanted to, I do not blame her at all. He is allowing it. Also, the POSOW did not "get her divorce" her ex kicked her to the curb over this and has the house and kids.. she got NOTHING out of it.

Waywards tend to be lazy.......he did what he had to do to appease OW for now and won't proceed until she pokes him for action to do more.

If you need to protect yourself financially........YOU get it heading on down to where YOUR assets are safe.

And, his words about it being over for good are par for the course. So try not to personalize them.

Be your best self despite the cruelty.

The papers ask for nothing, he only wants a clean break and for me to go back to my maiden name. We share nothing and own nothing, we have no children. Just sitting on this doesn't hurt me in anyway. However, he DID recently receive a settlement, which I am not entitled to, but if anything HE has more to lose than I do.

And his mom told me she is worried this POSOW will use him until he has no money left and them leave him for the next meal ticket. I let her know he is a grown man and this is his choice. That I am moving on with my life and he has filed for divorce which makes it clear he has no intention of reconciling with me. I told her I have no influence on him anymore and that I hope she is wrong (she isn't I've heard the POSOW tells people she is sick of my WH but he pays for stuff)... but there is nothing I can do but let the marriage end now.

This is why you need ZERO contact with him or his family. Go dark for your own sanity. Reading is right he's only doing the divorce to appease POSOW and will not move forward until she lovebusters him to death. That's not your problem focus on yourself and heal. The fog is real but he's all in and by backing out he shows he's wrong and waywards can never be wrong (sarcasm).

He will never admit he was wrong. Ever. He'd rather divorce and marry her or someone else when their thing falls apart than come back to me. He accused me of being toxic, violent and abusive. I am none of those things and even when he says it to me, you can tell he knows its garbage. But he can't be wrong. And he is all in like you said. He is erasing me from his life for her. He eve asked me if I wanted the photo album back from his mother since we are not going to be married and she doesn't want it. She does want it and was appalled he tried to give it away.

So, is this not progressing because he's having doubts? Or because he just hoped I would sign and be done with it and now it's complicated so he wants ME to finish it so he can also say, well look, you signed/filed not me, you wanted this not me, obliterating the fact that he did what he did to me and filed himself but just let it fall to the wayside?

I think somewhere in there your WH knows that this OW is a piece of crap.

And yes, most WSs want the BS to file so that they can claim that they are the victim.

I don't know Karmasrose... I used to think that too. But when someone asks him what he is thinking leaving me for her (she has a rep, cheated constantly, has 4 kids by 2 men, one she married and cheated on contantly) and has a very bad rep... me? put myself through school after my mom died... sponsor children... have a high profile job etc.. she is a nanny.. not that its not a noble profession but she is a nanny because she can't do anything else. She looks (excuse the language) rode hard and put away wet lol... I am 5 years older and look 10 years younger... anyway, I don't think he gets it when people ask him what he's thinking with her, he's like what? She's a wonderful woman and beautiful too... ugh. So no, I don't think I am entirely sure he does think she has done anything is the sweetest thing since sugar...

People always affair down. Remember that -- you are way better than this OW who can't do crap.

I know I am and before I gave up I told him that the reason she had to lie and send me nasty letters is because she knows I am way better than her and she had to deceive him into thinking I harrass her and am the crazy one and then sent me letters signed by him to get me to think he was a bigger jerk than he is because she knew if she had to be compared to me I would come out on top every time because I am 1000 times better and so much above her that even if she stood on a 1000 foot ladder on her tippytoes she STILL couldn't touch me.

Then he filed. LMAO. I used to think he thought he couldn't come back and that he was listeing to her, but before we stopped talking he KNEW he was welcome back, provided he cut her off. So he cut ME off and moved in with her and said there is no coming back, he has done too much now. I also used to think he did things to see how far he could go. I also believed in the fog, but I don't believe in the fog anymore.

The fog is very real. How else can good people turn into such mean people? It happens, and they have to stay in the fog or else they have to admit that they are doing wrong and they have to do things to make it up to the betrayed spouse.

My IC said that maybe this IS the real him and who is was when he was with ME was the fake him.. that perhaps he is this man and there is no fog and being with me was difficult because he had to pretend to be someone he's not and with her he can be himself.