By the way, exposure after a year and a half? There aren't may people who don't already know. It obviously hasn't lifted any fog. I doubt that she was in a fog to begin with. She had told her mother a MONTH after we got married that she thought she had made a mistake. I never found this out until after we were separated - after 10 years and two kids. Her entire family lacks communication skills. Not one heads up from anyone, ever. Feb 28, 2013 was the day I caught them, the next day I posted on facebook for all of our mutual friends to see, and also told her entire family. What happened? Nothing except divorce papers. Nothing has happened STILL. This is a done deal, people, She is never coming back.

She probably doesn't know why she's still with him.
Dr Harley sould probably question what emotional needs the posom is meeting that keeps her drawn to him

I think leaving him would be to admit that she had done something wrong that needed fixing.

I think this is the case with all waywards who move in with their AP. Especially WWs, the POSOM does a good job selling a dream of how he is a good father, provider, etc. but in reality like we all know that isn't the case. They are deadbeat dads, players and the opposite of what they make themselves out to be. Foolish pride on the WW's part and lack of logical thinking prolongs a useless relationsh!t. Isn't pride one of the seven deadly sins? Just stay strong for your children.

I just don't think she ever wanted to be with me in the first place. I think the age difference started to eat at her brain after we got married. I also think her miserable, divorced enabler friend (who bought her birth control pills for her when I was still living at my house) told her that she should divorce me when the girls are little, that way it would be easier for them. Such good advice from someone who couldn't keep their own marriage intact. Like my FIL says, "Misery loves company."

Actually, let me amend that. I think my mother had a big part in destroying our relationship early on. We stayed with my parents for several months while we got on our feet (Never, ever do this under any circumstances). My mother is the most judgmental person you will ever meet, period. Everything out of her mouth is a judgment upon you that makes you feel worthless. I didn't realize how bad it was until I had to move back in while we were separated. She felt my mother's wrath early, and I think she started resenting me because of her.

In related news, I am moving out of this hell TODAY. My relationship with my parents is irretrievably damaged. I do not plan on speaking to them after I am out of here. I could open a whole new thread on why that is, but trust me - I do not need miserable, controlling, judgmental, selfish people like them in my life.

Good for you!

We went through some very similar stuff with my parents. They were very controlling and judgmental. Around the time we found Marriage Builders I started to realize that basically every time my parents were disrespectful to Prisca, it was making a love bank withdrawal in my account in Prisca's love bank, simply because I was associated with them. That realization made it easier for me to completely cut off contact with them when I learned that was Dr. Harley's advice.

It took about two years, but my parents finally gave us an apology and agreed to not be disrespectful toward us any more. We are now back in contact with them and it is like they are completely different people! There was a time when I thought I would never see them again for the rest of my life - I even remember thinking that if Prisca and I ended up divorced I still probably would not see them.

Some people rise to the occasion when you set the bar high, and some do not. We continue to be somewhat wary but so far they haven't said anything to us that we find hurtful. They are so much more laid back and accepting. But you have to place a priority on protecting yourself from harmful people. It is their decision whether or not to meet the terms of admission in order to be a part of your life.

The radio show where Dr Harley discussed your situation really stuck out at me.

If I recall correctly, he said most couples have an easy time solving problems until the kids come along and that in your M, your xW probably became very unhappy with the M after kids....because she had a different expectation of you being able to solve issues and problems as they arose vs working at solving problems together, like he and Joyce have grown up doing. And that this is very common in marriages like yours, where the H is older.

Anyway, glad to hear you are moving out!

Congratulations on moving out.
Its hard to start over i know but its baby steps (like in the movie What About Bob?)

I don't really care to start over, honestly. This feels like being led to the electric chair nice and slow or something. I understand how old people feel when they're sitting around waiting to die because they are forgotten by their own family.

Blind,

Consider Ecclesiastes 3 - A Time for Everything. You are going though hardship right now, but this too shall pass. As you transition to life without your wife, you must now rebuild and move forward. Many here have been in your shoes and have done just that with great results.

Author a new story for yourself and your girls. Let today be first page in a new book. God loves you. And you still have family and friends, right?

Don't wallow in the darkness of the past and let it defeat you.
Give your love to your children and make life-giving choices for them and yourself. Surround yourself with positive people, positive messages, positive music, positive activities.

My family has abandoned me. My parents have not been supportive, in fact my mother has gone out of her way to make my life as difficult as possible. My brothers don't call any more. I have one friend here who is semi-supportive, but he keeps telling me that if I do nothing and "put God first" then my ex wife might magically change her mind. I'm actually becoming more of an atheist because of this whole experience. I have some major doubts about any kind of "God's plan" BS. He thinks that just because his wife cheated in him, moved out, changed her mind and agreed to do the MB thing, then all women would do that. He says everything that happens to me "textbook" which does nothing to make me feel better about anything.

I just woke up at 5:15am. Alone in this house that is not my home. The first thought I had was that I wish I hadn't awakened at all. Most of the time I just don't want to be here. I'm tired of this life that has been a constant trial. I'm universally unliked and marginalized. I know it would mess up my kids, but the constant pain of missing all these days of their short childhood punctuated with the joy of being with them one or two days a week is killing me. I can't "move on" or "get past it". I'm not going to drug myself so those feelings go away, either.

To me there is a difference between "moving on" and "moving forward." When I was in your shoes, I never used the term "moving on," which I hate. You don't simply walk away from marriage like its no big deal.

But you do have a choice to move forward with your life. As bad as things are right now, there is life. And you get to make choices what do with it. You can focus on the ugliness or you can search for beauty. And it is out there for you. But you have to be willing to find it. Don't give up, Brother. This too shall pass.

I'm sorry you have no friends or family. Start fresh. Find wholesome things to do that will spark some enjoyment, pleasure, happiness. Build on the small positives. Once you can have a more positive outlook, your life will change in small increments.

Isn't it something like 70% of people or more eventually regret getting divorced? They wish they had tried to save the marriage? When exactly does that happen? 10 years down the road? 20?

How are you doing?
Will you see your daughters this weekend?

BlindsidedNM... I am not sure the exact number but it is something like 70% or even higher. I tried to fight for my marriage, all I succeeded in doing was bond them tighter to each other, against ME. The harder I tried, the further he ran. They live together now. His mother was in denial too, thinking this was all going to pass. He filed for divorce. His mother STILL didn't get it. I am moving on. I am not sure he will regret it. He swears he won't and that he's happy and all the times he said he was confused was a lie he told to keep me from being hurt. He said he will never regret this. I suspect he already does but would never admit it. That would be weak. And "him big strong man" lol... I wish him well in his life. I know mine will turn out fine with him and her out of it forever.

I've said it many times on here, but the hardest thing for me is not seeing my kids day to day. They are 4 1/2 and 2 now. I miss them every moment I am not with them. I am missing all the funny things they say and playing with them after work every day. It is not fair. The xW is giving my time to that POSOM who doesn't care about anything except a piece of A. I can't get a hold of her dad, either. I am wondering if he is just not answering my calls any more since he has spent a couple weekends up here visiting.

Her father may have finally accepted her adultery.
"Blood is thicker than water"
I see it time.and time again on this forum and in my own life

Place it in Gods hands.
Hopefully the Good Lord will give the posom a flesh eating disease that consumes his private parts first

So the xW sent me a picture of my nightstand that I used when we were married and asked if I wanted it. Not the move of someone thinking about reconciling.

Interesting exchange of the kids tonight. She parked right next to me which is rare. I pretty much ignored her like I always do until I saw that my 4 year old had a new stuffed animal. Of course I asked where she got it, and she said "My mommy said that I'm not supposed to tell you." Wow. So my kids are getting gifts from the POSOM now and it's being hushed up. That's not going to be too confusing for a 4-year-old. I got a little miffed as you can imagine but I didn't lash out or anything, and the xW immediately got indignant and started in with her usual demeaning talk about how I don't care about my kids, etc. She also mentioned that I have ruined her relationship with her father. Really?? I don't think so. He has told me in no uncertain terms that he is not in agreement with her actions and will not cut me off because of it since she brought me into the family. I am the father of his granddaughters and he considers me family. SHE is the one not talking to HIM because she knows she is wrong.

So she is obviously still angry with me about everything and still blames me for all of it. I told her that I was going to hire a lawyer and revisit the divorce agreement since this is a community property state. She then informed me that half of nothing is nothing. Apparently the house is still in foreclosure and she's only living in it until it goes to auction or something. I don't know any details. Too bad - I could make the mortgage payment, especially if I didn't have to pay rent on my own place. Looks like she is going to have to shack up with the POSOM at some point. What a couple books and some compromise would do for all involved, and she has no interest. I'm just this useless a**hole who ruined her fairy tale life.