As a sidebar to all of the problems I've had and the emotional roller coaster I've been on, I've been working on a project for about two years. I've been developing a product idea I came up with about 5 years ago and have gone through the design process and am in the beginning stages of prototyping. I have fab shops making parts for me and I have people interested in investing (although I doubt I'll need it). I can't disclose what it is - maybe there's a rule against peddling goods here, not sure - but suffice to say that if I reach my goal of having it ready for preordering by 2Q of next year, I could be doing quite well. I have a history of getting things done, so I am confident that I will get this thing launched and start another company.

Of course, in the back of my mind I will wonder if it will make me any more desirable to the xW. Sometimes I wonder why I even want to get back with her, but then I look at my little girls and I think of Dr. Harley's books and I know that it is possible.

If my math is correct, for every ~one~ unit I sell per business day, I will make about $500,000 a year, net. That's not a typo. I sound like I am bragging, sorry. It is about the only thing that gets me excited to any degree these days.

(I put up a big post on the previous page)

I hope she didn't talk to you like that in front of the kids because it will cause them stress.
The problem I see is that you don't operate with a plan in dealing with her.
You speak of attorneys , that won't bring her back to you.if you could avoid to direct contact with her that would benefit your children.have you ever seen a doctor for depression?

No. I am not a fan of pharmaceuticals. Although I am on some necessary meds for my Crohn's that has the added benefit of having euphoria as a side effect. It is mild but noticeable. I keep too busy these days to be too depressed. I really feel that whatever depression I do feel now is normal and not unmanageable. I'd rather not go through life numbed of emotions.

I know I should have kept my mouth shut about the attorney, even though I have been thinking about doing that. I don't know that it would do any good. Waste of money, most likely. It did cause them stress, actually. My 4 year old was upset and crying. But again - my fault like always.

She said another thing that blew my mind, too. At one point I said "I'm not the one who committed adultery", to which she replied "After I got pregnant, I told you I wanted a divorce, and I didn't start seeing him (POSOM) until after that."

Oh, I see, adultery is fine as long as you SAY you want a divorce and it makes it acceptable. She was with this guy for a YEAR before she even filed papers. Adultery is adultery, ya know?

Every time you speak, you should ask yourself: Will my words make love bank deposits or withdrawls?

Of course she is in the wrong.
My ex wife still defends her adultery (and still lives with him)
Continued contact with her is not helping your well being

She told me 2 1/2 years ago that she doesn't love me any more. You think that is ever going to change? She is obviously still angry at me after all this time.

Well you must ask yourself what is romantic love?
Its a full love bank.

How am I supposed to make any deposits when the POSOM is standing at the teller's window the whole time?

There are opportunities for love bank deposits during child exchanges.
How?
Through pleasant conversation.
Avoiding love busters.
No arguing

My ex FIL called me yesterday. Haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. He was at my former house helping the xW with some stuff. The POSOM showed up and introduced himself. He told me that he didn't put 1 and 1 together fast enough or he never would have shaken his hand. He told me he didn't say one word to him after that. Interesting that he called to let me know what happened. I am betting that the xW is pretty angry that her father isn't accepting the situation. She vented a bit of that like I described a few posts ago. Not sure if this good for my desire to reconcile or not.

Your ex FIL is a good man

I agree. He is an unwavering Christian who lives by scripture. That may not be desirable to some, but I am the same way. There is no gray area in these matters, to either of us.

I dropped my daughters off with the xW in a parking lot. As I was driving away, my 4 year old was staring at me with this look as thought I had driven her to the middle of nowhere and left her all alone. It was heartbreaking. That is the kind of thing that I can't take very well.

When will this selfish woman wake up?

I'm sorry.
She may never wake up.

I am beginning to think you're probably right. I feel so powerless to do anything to make my girls' lives normal. They get shuttled around from place to place. They have 3 beds (at least) that they sleep in. They should have ONE.

Do you have them this weekend?

The bed at your home......make sure it is super cozy and feels like a big, wonderful place to be.

Concentrate on the time WITH them versus the time apart.

Focus on them completely when together and be in the present at those moments.

You can do it.

Yes, I have them this weekend. I do concentrate on them when they are here and I try to fit as much fun stuff in as possible without overwhelming them (or me). This weekend is going to be a quiet one at home because I am not feeling well. We will go to church and have pizza after like we usually do.

SOmetimes I wonder if it affects my xW when I have the girls, if she misses them and has any perception of what all of this is doing to me or them. I doubt it. I think for her it is an opportunity to be carefree and go scru the POSOM all weekend. Remember, she got ANGRY when she got pregnant with our 2 year old.

Don't worry about what she thinks.
Just focus on yourself