I truly do and I do believe in Harley principles. I am ashamed of the 20 yrs of neglect that have hurt JD2D so much. I know how happy, delightful and loving, she can be from years back, before her hurt/pain. I seem to be the cause of her unhappiness.
Remark, this was a beautiful and loving description of your wife. Go with that. She is mother to your children. Can you visualize how lovely it would be if the two of you could enjoy your grandchildren together?
Yes, I feel like a very steep, if not impossible, "hill to climb" stands in front of me.
It is true, I have not done a good or consistent job of logging entries in my log. I have more than three entries, but less than the 45-60 days since Steve and I talked about it. Most days, I don't even have much communication/contact with her. So, I don't have anything to log most days. And, when my last exchange with her was so unpleasant, I just don't have the backbone or whatever to engage or initiate even a conversation because inevitably, it will turn negative. (I know Dr H supports complaining, but there has to be a balanced with healthy EN's being met, right?) As lonely as I am, I feel less alone when NOT in her company, than I do when in her company, ( if that makes sense.)
Remark,
I can totally understand that you are apprehensive and not quite enthusiastic about having conversations with your estranged wife.
I do not even think that conversation between the two of you is a fruitful idea. Conversation tends to be pleasant when people have good will towards each other. And good will develops after love bank deposits have been made.
Do focus on making love bank deposits in other ways, that involve no or limited conversation. I listed these ideas in a previous posting.
Does her car need repairing or a check? Propose to do that for her and do not be discouraged if she says no.
Ask your son for ideas about what she could use or would enjoy. It would also help your son to learn how to be caring about other people, to help him in future relationships.
Think about someone you do not like yourself. How could such a person wiggle their way into your life? What should they do to lure to into trips/dates with them?
If I were to give you a million dollars if you could get your wife to go to Disneyland with you, how would you do it?
Could you give me 3 ideas that you could propose to your wife?
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Remark, a close-knit family seems to be very important to you. I notice that you have a blind spot though. One day, your children will be in your position. They will want to visit grandpa and grandma, which will be you and JDTD, with their children.
Please realize the consequences of a divorce on your future family: dividing Christmas between the in-laws, your house and JDTD's house, having awkward family functions, etc.
A close-knit future family is one of the positive effects of the worthy cause of reconciliation with JDTD.
