Ok, this is classic wayward. After a period of work-related separation (where my fWW had a short EA/one time PA) we were back under the same roof. She stonewalled me about everything, said alot of what your W said. She was also reading all sorts of marriage support books (none by Dr. Harley), none of which covered recovery after infidelity. I think she wanted me to leave or to force her to leave.

Once I had the smallest piece of evidence of an EA, she trickle truthed to a PA within 3 days. Sucks, right? Not at all. Now I understood why she was in a state of withdrawal and we could actually fix the first problem...the affair. Once that was dead, and the fog lifted, I actually had my W back, not some alien in W's clothing. It's alot easier to R a marriage with someone not spouting fogbabble, which your W seems to be doing.

So you are going to let OM steal your W and kids from you? What do you know about this rat? Is he married?

You don't have to convince her to let you stay. You tell her that you are not moving out from your wife and kids.


Their DAD moving out is not messing with the kids?






Further away than what? Don't be afraid of her anger. You need to be COOL STRONG AND IN CONTROL.

Install spyware on her phone. Put a VAR/GPS in her car.

Ok I know its been a few weeks but thought I would post an update.

So I left the house to give her some space on the 6/11 and am still currently living out of home. We went to our first session of marriage counseling 3 days ago and I found it a positive experience. The counselor basically said that she thinks my wife has depression and should start taking anti-depressants. She also said not to make any decisions on her future at this stage whilst she is depressed. She had already been prescribed anti-depressants a few months ago but never took them. She also said that my wife should cut contact with the OM and we should go out together once a week without the kids.
The main reason that my wife stated for losing her connection with me is going back into the past. I hadn't mentioned in my last post that I was a major pot head for the first 7 or so years of our relationship. My wife told the counselor that the way I treated her and behaved when constantly stoned was draining. I accepted that but I haven't smoked since Jan this year.
There seemed to be a slight improvement in her on the night of counseling and I stayed at home. We went out for dinner together last night though and she was cold and got funny when I tried to touch her. She is still maintaining that she needs space from me and wants me to continue to live out of home.
She has agreed not to see the OM and she has begun taking the anti-depressants.
She hasn't caught up with her male friend since I left but did say she had plans to this weekend but cancelled straight after getting out of the counseling session. I have been checking her FB and emails and nothing sus going on there. I did also manage to check her phone once in the last few weeks and although there was some contact it was limited to a few messages with nothing out of the ordinary. She has continued to maintain nothing has happened there.

She is still being cold to me at the moment although I did spend one night with her last week and we had a good night and even slept with each other. She seems a little bit warmer to me on occasions but cold at other times.

This whole thing is still killing me and being rejected like this for the last month or so has begun to cause resentment towards her. I am really trying hard to be supportive especially because of the depression but being treated like a piece of [censored] doesn't help!

Dome - You failed to take the advice of the board and some of most seasoned vets here! You moved out of your home! WORST possible thing to do - sure she "needs space", sure she's "not sure if she's still in love with you", she's in her FOG!
She is STILL in contact with the POSOM - however limited,
she "says" she hasn't seen him, can you verify this? Are you 100% sure? Way wards lie!!
your marriage is not going to survive without even the most basic EP's in place.

Have you read what people posted here for you?
No woman in her right mind would give up the help she gets from her husband with those tiny children. Not if there weren't a very compelling reason to do so.
That reason is, you stand in the way of her affair.

What you have not understood also:

1. Marriage counseling while the affair is ongoing (either in reality or even if it were only in the mind of your spouse, continued contact = ongoing affair) is useless. The reason for that is obvious: what if you had a car that was 10 years old. It would have some problems here and there, but overall it was functioning ok. No reason to buy a new car. But what if... what if you discovered a brand new Corvette, that was in your price range? Would you still be willing to put much energy in maintaining and repairing your, now, old car?

Marriage counseling serves three functions at this time:
- give her the opportunity to say she did all she could, but the marriage just did not work
- to keep you occupied with the smoke screen while she carries on living in lalaland
- to make the demise of the marriage your fault.

By the way, she has that last item elegantly covered, by blaiming your past use of marihuana. As there is no way to change the past, she has you cornered there and I garantee that speaking about past problems is not going to make her fall in love with you or want to be married to you.

2.
Do you know anyone who has attained an integrated happy marriage by separating? Please tell us, because we have been waiting for this rare species to come along on this forum for many years. We have not seen one single example in the history of this forum that I know of. On the other hand, we have seen hosts of men who were bullied, beggged and enticed out of the house by their wives, only to pull out their (suddenly gray) hairs, because it turned out to be 100 times more difficult to repair their relationships without actually being around their families.

Please realize that sadly, at the time, your foggy wife sees you as the old car and through her pink colored glasses, she sees OM as a brand new model. Now tell me, do you want you children to go through being schlepped to the other parent's home every other weekend? Because that iis exactly where you are heading with your faulty compass. In your decisions, you fail to take into acount, that your wife does not have the best interests of your marriage in mind. She is steering towards her new car and it is about time you took on steering this ship away from the cliffs and saving your marriage. Your wife is obviously enticed by the syrens, but she will thank you later for having saved her from what is about to become the worst mistaks of her life.

- move back (honey I'm home!)
- plan A
- flexispy on her phone or drop it in the dish water (my iphone did not survive that, I can assure)
-expose if you have t he evidence

Now do sonething, because you are becoming a glaring example of a clueless, well meaning husband, who is about to be rudely awoken from his innocent sleep.