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Letty #2691552 12/19/12 03:47 PM
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Happy birthday!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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I just got done reading your thread a couple of weeks ago. I was wondering if there was any updates or if you are taking a break from your own thread?


BW 35
WH 31
Married to a serial cheater
D Day - 9 times between June 2012 & April 2013
Plan B - April 13, 2013
Plan D - In the works
6877 #2764063 11/02/13 11:32 PM
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How are you?

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Wow, i am missing sooo many other threads because i am so absorbed in this tale of Plan B.

Shhh!!! No spoilers, okay.

I am up to Page 192 out of the 393 listed so far.

So touching. Right now the WH just sent the IM a message for Scotty to stop putting perfume on items the kids bring with.

She is retraining the new IM on better filtering.

Also, the new puppy, Scooch, is chewing socks out of the laundry hamper.

Ohhh, i hope that WH starts to get it.

Well, it seems as if Scottys own Mom is coming out of her own personal Wayward Fog.

3 days of reading this so far, but very well worth it.

LTL

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I am sure that there are very many people who wonder why Scottie stopped posting a year ago.
I myself sincerely hope that she and her children are ok and that She has found happiness.
She has been an inspiration to so many. A really wonderful person.
If anyone has info on her please post.

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I see Scotty on facebook and she seems to be doing great.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thank you Melody

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I finally got done reading every post in this thread.

Mrs. Scotty,

You have been an eternal example of moralistic fortitude.

I send my sympathies to you, at this one year point of your Dads passing away.

Has the job situation changed by now?

How are your dsx2 doing, along with the puppy, Scooch?

My S-10 is dealing as well as can be expected, except my WW has not even been in touch with him in 9 1/2 months now..... Not even by phone or e-mail, so i too have to be both the Father and Mother figure. It makes for a busy life.

Do your boys and yourself continue the boxing physical fitness training?

I have had my Son enrolled in martial arts for the past 19 months with lessons 3X per week and i am sure it helps with his self esteem.

I hope you had your front porch roof repaired by friends or family by now.

I feel like i have gotten to know you so well over the past 6 days reading your trials and tribulations.

God Bless You. You are an extraordinary Mother and a Grace Filled Person.

So, WWSD now?

LTL

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dance2

Cannot find you on FB so posting here.


Happy Birthday Scotty and my wife and I hope all is well with you

Last edited by georgyboy; 11/18/13 04:06 AM.
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Well it has been a year of silence on my part because I no longer feel worthy enough to post on MB. I am biting the bullet and posting my update anyways because that is who I am. Lol

Firstly I am still in a dark Plan B and I have MB to thank for the personal recovery I was able to make. Marriage Builders and Dr H are a Godsend and I will be forever grateful to all of the people who helped me. I have met some of the most wonderful and amazingly strong people from this site and I will never forget what MB has meant(and continues to mean) to me. I would suggest this site, DrH's books and any other resource suggested in this site to anyone dealing with the pain of infidelity.

Second, my DSx2 are marvelous young men. They have been through so much and continue to shine through it all. I am so blessed to have them. And our puppy Scooch is as mischievous as ever. we need to hide certain things from her or she will chew them up lol. She is a great part of our family and has brought us much joy.

Thirdly on the job front. Well.......I was promoted to the manager position I was turned down for last year. it was offered to me in February and I started in March. While it brought in more by the hour my hours were cut so the change wasn't worth it and in July when hours were cut yet again to 12 per week I finally had enough and gave my two weeks. It was a frightening time because I didn't know how I would be feeding my children. I applied to everything available and had a few interviews. I am pleased to announce that on the 13th day of my 2 week notice I was hired by a wonderful company where I ciuldnt be happier. I am appreciated for a job well done and that is all I have ever wanted. My first day of training also happened to be my dad's birthday. The first one I had to spend without him. I have the firm belief that he had some hand in that door opening for me.

Now, to get to the reason I feel unworthy to offer advice on Marriage Builders anymore. While I have decided that my marriage is truly and utterly over, I am still legally married. just over 8 months ago I was in a very down place. I decided to go online to chat with strangers to make myself feel better. I had not been on a chatroom in many years although I enjoyed them so much in the past. I was on there for 4 days when a man caught my eye. I had every intention of NOT letting my walls down. We all know what happens if we dont keep vigilant with our boundaries. I fell in love. And he fell in love with me. He is a BS as well. He walked in on his WW with the neighbour. He packed up his things the next morning and never looked back. He has been separated for more than 5 years. But separated is not divorced and we shouldn't be together until we are divorced. He truly does make me happy and he treats me so well. We started a long distance relationship and at the end of July he moved here to be with me. He has been living with the boys and I for just under 2 months now. The boys and he get along so well.

This is what makes me unworthy to offer such good people advice on here anymore. I fell off of the path that I laid down for myself. I so wanted to continue to be the good example I was in the previous 393 pages of this thread. We are both getting divorced ASAP but the fact remains that when our relationship started we were both married to other people.

And this year, on my wedding anniversary I almost let the day go by without a thought(there wasn't any pain this time) until I realised what day it was. I told my boyfriend to which I received silence. He also got married on that date only 5 years later. Weird.


Last edited by Scotland; 11/25/13 08:00 AM. Reason: duh lol

BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Scotty,

I'm shocked.
And a disappointed.
This is a poor example to teach your children.

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I am so happy for you Scotty. Wish all happiness to you and your new partner. I am positive he knows what a wonderful woman he has.
Take care and keep us posted. It will be appreciated.

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Originally Posted By: Scotland
Well it has been a year of silence on my part because I no longer feel worthy enough to post on MB. I am biting the bullet and posting my update anyways because that is who I am. Lol

Firstly I am still in a dark Plan B and I have MB to thank for the personal recovery I was able to make. Marriage Builders and Dr H are a Godsend and I will be forever grateful to all of the people who helped me. I have met some of the most wonderful and amazingly strong people from this site and I will never forget what MB has meant(and continues to mean) to me. I would suggest this site, DrH's books and any other resource suggested in this site to anyone dealing with the pain of infidelity.

Second, my DSx2 are marvelous young men. They have been through so much and continue to shine through it all. I am so blessed to have them. And our puppy Scooch is as mischievous as ever. we need to hide certain things from her or she will chew them up lol. She is a great part of our family and has brought us much joy.

Thirdly on the job front. Well.......I was promoted to the manager position I was turned down for last year. it was offered to me in February and I started in March. While it brought in more by the hour my hours were cut so the change wasn't worth it and in July when hours were cut yet again to 12 per week I finally had enough and gave my two weeks. It was a frightening time because I didn't know how I would be feeding my children. I applied to everything available and had a few interviews. I am pleased to announce that on the 13th day of my 2 week notice I was hired by a wonderful company where I ciuldnt be happier. I am appreciated for a job well done and that is all I have ever wanted. My first day of training also happened to be my dad's birthday. The first one I had to spend without him. I have the firm belief that he had some hand in that door opening for me.

Now, to get to the reason I feel unworthy to offer advice on Marriage Builders anymore. While I have decided that my marriage is truly and utterly over, I am still legally married. just over 8 months ago I was in a very down place. I decided to go online to chat with strangers to make myself feel better. I had not been on a chatroom in many years although I enjoyed them so much in the past. I was on there for 4 days when a man caught my eye. I had every intention of NOT letting my walls down. We all know what happens if we dont keep vigilant with our boundaries. I fell in love. And he fell in love with me. He is a BS as well. He walked in on his WW with the neighbour. He packed up his things the next morning and never looked back. He has been separated for more than 5 years. But separated is not divorced and we shouldn't be together until we are divorced. He truly does make me happy and he treats me so well. We started a long distance relationship and at the end of July he moved here to be with me. He has been living with the boys and I for just under 2 months now. The boys and he get along so well.

This is what makes me unworthy to offer such good people advice on here anymore. I fell off of the path that I laid down for myself. I so wanted to continue to be the good example I was in the previous 393 pages of this thread. We are both getting divorced ASAP but the fact remains that when our relationship started we were both married to other people.

And this year, on my wedding anniversary I almost let the day go by without a thought(there wasn't any pain this time) until I realised what day it was. I told my boyfriend to which I received silence. He also got married on that date only 5 years later. Weird.



Hey hon.

I kind of had a hunch from your FB page and your silence on here. I never messaged you to ask about it because I don't give unsolicited advice. Indeed you don't seem to be asking for advice now. I am only pleased that you are happy and hope this guy is half good enough for you.

Marriages which start while the partners are legally married are not the same as affairages which start out as a deception. I know you know that Dr H has made that distinction in the past. That doesn't make it a GOOD idea but I'm not going to set off any fire alarms over it as I would if it were a potential affairage.

I would have been intensely worried had you told me at the time that you were starting a dating search while still married and feeling down, but what's done is done.

I would have worried that you might attract someone who doesn't value marriage. The living together thing would also raise some alarms that he might not be a buyer. But I know you know enough about MB to filter these questions for yourself. Like I said you haven't really asked for any advice, so I won't offer any. It's your life.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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One thing I will say is that you rock and you deserve the very best in life. smile


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Hi Scotty,

No matter what has happened, you deserve to be happy. I think you've done a great job with your Plan B and you gave your marriage your best shot. It's not your fault the marriage ended and you shouldn't have to pay for someone else's mistake. I wish you all the best and I know you will use the tools that were given to you to make the best relationship possible with your new man. Take care of your self and thank you for all of your help when I was going through my situation.


Me: BH 36
Her: WW 34
Kids: D 14, S 12, S 9
DDay 1-6/2009
DDay 2-9/2011
DDay 3-11/2011
Filed for D 10/2011-Papers Served 11/2011
Divorce final May 24, 2012
My Story



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Scotty
Do not ever ever ever think you are unworthy to be here.
You,young Lady, are all I would want my daughter ( granddaughter even) to be.
Be Happy

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Originally Posted By: indiegirl
Marriages which start while the partners are legally married are not the same as affairages which start out as a deception. I know you know that Dr H has made that distinction in the past. That doesn't make it a GOOD idea but I'm not going to set off any fire alarms over it as I would if it were a potential affairage.

I would have been intensely worried had you told me at the time that you were starting a dating search while still married and feeling down, but what's done is done.

I would have worried that you might attract someone who doesn't value marriage. The living together thing would also raise some alarms that he might not be a buyer. But I know you know enough about MB to filter these questions for yourself. Like I said you haven't really asked for any advice, so I won't offer any. It's your life.
MB is all about using a scientific approach to marriages in order to achieve a desired result - a happy relationship based on romantic love. The essence of this approach involves analyzing many relationships, and adopting the characteristics of those relationships that are successful. It all comes down to probabilities. You should try to do those things that give you the best chance. Starting a relationship before ending your prior marriage causes the probability of success to drop by a factor of four. That is very significant. Now, that doesn't mean you will fail, it just means that you are four times more likely to fail. So, where my sincere wish that this new relationship will be a successful one was represented by one chance in two before, it is now one chance in eight. It isn't about morality. It isn't about being good or bad. It is about giving yourself the very best shot at a good marriage.


me-65
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DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Originally Posted By: mrEureka
Originally Posted By: indiegirl
Marriages which start while the partners are legally married are not the same as affairages which start out as a deception. I know you know that Dr H has made that distinction in the past. That doesn't make it a GOOD idea but I'm not going to set off any fire alarms over it as I would if it were a potential affairage.

I would have been intensely worried had you told me at the time that you were starting a dating search while still married and feeling down, but what's done is done.

I would have worried that you might attract someone who doesn't value marriage. The living together thing would also raise some alarms that he might not be a buyer. But I know you know enough about MB to filter these questions for yourself. Like I said you haven't really asked for any advice, so I won't offer any. It's your life.
MB is all about using a scientific approach to marriages in order to achieve a desired result - a happy relationship based on romantic love. The essence of this approach involves analyzing many relationships, and adopting the characteristics of those relationships that are successful. It all comes down to probabilities. You should try to do those things that give you the best chance. Starting a relationship before ending your prior marriage causes the probability of success to drop by a factor of four. That is very significant. Now, that doesn't mean you will fail, it just means that you are four times more likely to fail. So, where my sincere wish that this new relationship will be a successful one was represented by one chance in two before, it is now one chance in eight. It isn't about morality. It isn't about being good or bad. It is about giving yourself the very best shot at a good marriage.


To further complicate it, renter relationships are generally not healthy according to adr Harley.
AND living together before marriage also lowers odds of marital success.
I'm glad that you are doing well but I've noticed when people suddenly stop posting itsoften because they are doing something that won't be condoned here.

The boyfriend seems as clouded as some of the posters in the divorce and dating thread. There are several married people living with boyfriends and girlfriends in tgat thread now

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Originally Posted By: mrEureka
Starting a relationship before ending your prior marriage causes the probability of success to drop by a factor of four. That is very significant. Now, that doesn't mean you will fail, it just means that you are four times more likely to fail. So, where my sincere wish that this new relationship will be a successful one was represented by one chance in two before, it is now one chance in eight.


That's a fascinating set of figures. Where are these statistics from? I was aware of the statistical failure of live-in relationships prior to marriage but not of relationships which start during separation.

Does the study take into account affairages or is it purely those who were separated but not divorced? Dr Harley says affairage relationships are 100 pc doomed, nothing he does to try and help them saves them.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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The lesson to be taken from this thread is some great Plan B tips and also to MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX WHILE SEPARATED.

In this case, the poster had her emotional needs of conversation met in a chat room to the point that she fell in love.
Marriage Builder forums disable direct communication between members to prevent betrayed spouses from communicating directly to avoid this scenerio.

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