Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 75 of 85 1 2 73 74 75 76 77 84 85
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Be prepared for her to knock on the door. Or maybe she is going back to PR. I sure hope she isn't leaving SS with OM.

If she knocks on the door don't let her in.
Calmly tell her you would love to talk to her in a neutral place (like a restaurant or park)
At that point you would convey your willingness to recover your marriage IF she agreed to the MB recovery program.

I see this often, a wayward will break up and return home. Sometimes its actually after divorce and they just remain permanent renters. So guard against this scenerio happening.

If the OM ex wife is truthful, and he drugs his women then you have a bigger problem than regular MB recovery because then you have an addict to deal with.

If anything progresses make use of Dr Harley. He said to email him and he will help so do it.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Thanks for the advice, I will call her and she her whereabouts on the sly. I really think she is going to make a reconciliation move when I get to my new duty station. Where I'm at now I'm I have a lot of friends and family and I think she is too ashamed to face them. I believe she is aiming for the old sweep it under the rug approach. I'll keep you all posted.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Well she still living with POSOM. Spoke with her and she was unusually pleasant. Either way doesn't change my Plan A. Being the best TD I can be.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Birthdays and Christmas coming up should I get her presents or ignore those days? For her birthday I was going to get a stuff animal (holds significance because it's from a game we used to play together), some recent pictures of DS and me, and maybe a card. Thoughts?

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
When Is your divorce date?

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
I would text her a nice Merry Christmas message. Maybe send her a card. No gifts.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Should I send SS a gift. Divorce isn't going to be finalized any time soon.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Should I send SS a gift. Divorce isn't going to be finalized any time soon.

Yes. Absolutely try to stay in that boys life so he doesn't end up in a gang or turning to alcohol or drugs

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Ok, TD, on the other hand, my wife says go all out and lavish her with something special, especially if things are falling apart in fantasy land.

I'm overruled again.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your boy. Cheers!

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Likewise, she always liked jewelry. I'll get her some earrings to go with the necklace I gave her last year for her birthday.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Sent a poem I wrote to WW and DS and I made her a birthday gift. We also called and wished her a happy birthday. I heard POSOM in the background spouting his disapproval, kind of made my day. Nothing new to report just filling that lake with those pebbles.

DS and I will be at our be residence soon, can't wait getting cold here and its warmer in GA. Kind of upset that's its close to where WW lives 7 to 8 hours actually. Wasn't my call and something tells me some hysterical woman is going to show up at my door in 2014. Thanks JK I know how to handle when it happens cause we all know it will. Just a matter of when.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
At some point -- I agree with you -- next year, there is going to be a hysterical woman wanting home, because it really sounds like POSOM is showing his true, nasty, colors...repeatedly.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
You are doing an amazing job, Tranq....


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by catwhit
You are doing an amazing job, Tranq....
Agree!!!


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
How did she act on the phone? Is she warm to you? Besides hearing the POSOM on the other end of the phone, has she dropped more clues that things are falling apart there?

You're doing an outstanding Plan A. Man of steel.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
She is warm to me on the phone. She vented to me a couple of times but the problems are about her job and how SS is doing in school. She hasn't opened up to me about the conflict between her and POSOM. In time she will I am sure, her lovebank is filling slowly because she used to be Ice cold to me back in March now its light talk, mixed with some venting and joking.

On Social media there are pics of her and POSOM youngest daughter (the other three of his children don't see him) and her in a nauseating family pic. SS no where to be found. In fact most of the pics do not have SS in them. My guess he isn't getting along with POSOM and that is the cause of much of their conflict. When we talk I ask to to talk with SS and she always has an excuse to why he can't make it to the phone. When I do talk to him he sounds like he wants to say something but can't because she is present.

Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 810
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 810
Originally Posted by TranquilDark
her lovebank is filling slowly because she used to be Ice cold to me back in March now its light talk, mixed with some venting and joking.
dance2


DDays - six months of them
THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders.
We never knew that it could be this good! smile
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
It is a very sad thing she is doing to her own children. She has abandoned both of them.

Not sure how to read her friendliness to you. Could be your are making successful love bank deposits. Or she might be assuaging her own guilt by being nice to you, and she certainly would welcome being "friends" after the divorce, as that is a wayward's dream scenario. Just something to keep in mind as you Plan A without expectations.

You are doing a great job. How long have you been in Plan A? Seems like its been a full year at least.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Yes, it's been a long year. WW wants to come to see DS and I for Christmas. I'm am confused as to why she wants to do that when her affair is so friggin awesome (sarcasm). Putting on my Plan A superhero suit for that visit.....if it happens. My guess POSOM pulled some "I have to go see my daughter and baby mama for Christmas because I don't get to see her" trash and WW is doing the same thing.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Darkguy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
MERRY FRICKING CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. Just wanted to say thanks for your help during my crisis to everyone. For those who read this, MB if followed exactly is empowering and no matter how bad it gets. Plan A strong, keeping calm and MBing on!

Page 75 of 85 1 2 73 74 75 76 77 84 85

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 454 guests, and 81 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5