He's not in a dark plan B. He's not in plan A or Plan B and having a difficult time.
Dr Harley revommended plan B and I encourage you to do that

Jedi is right. Get into Plan B. Go dark. And see a doctor for your despondency.

No. I asked my daughter and she said they were not there.

Explain again a dark plan B if you would. Keep in mind I have NO ONE here supporting me in any way. I cannot use an intermediary because there is no one to use.

I'd also like to hear from a former Wayward Wife who had an extended affair and snapped out of it. As much as I rail against this cheating B on here, I can't even date anyone else because I am not really interested in being with anyone else. I spoke those vows because I knew I would adhere to them and I meant them.

I also wonder why she feels the need to say things, like "typical, you haven't changed" when my changing or not changing should have no bearing on her life at this point, right? Is she still wanting some kind of change from me? Of course I have changed dramatically, though, in my understanding of things and many other ways, but she still wants to perceive me as that frustrated confused angry guy she cheated on so she feels better about continuing a relationship based on adultery and deceit.

A dark Plan B is you do not see, hear or have any contact whatsoever with ykur ex wife.

I don't think that is possible. Like I said, I have no one I can trust with my kids.

Then I suggest you limit contact as much as possible

Blind,

Maybe someone here would be willing to be your IM if need one. If not, keep your contact limited to text messages. If she tries to start an argument with you, do not respond. Simple messages that deal only with the business of the children and legal matters that might pop up. Ignore her wayward fogbabble. She is responsible for her decisions to break vows not you. But you are responsible for not letting her hurtfulness hurt you. Shield yourself.

I'm going to put this out there plainly because I think you need to hear it: You have had a rough 4 years, and I am very sorry for the bad breaks you've had. But if you don't change your outlook and your defeatist attitude, you will fall deeper into despair.

If you don't have a social network, build one. Volunteer, attend a church, join a club. If you don't have employment, find an entry level position to get you back in the game.

Pick yourself up, man. See a doctor and get help for your depression. And try to find the positives that life has to offer. Right now that will be hard, but they are there if you look for them. It's up to you.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch our habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

I, also, think you need to get into a very dark Plan B. She is so toxic in her interactions with you.

Change your contact information, enlist your FIL's help with the child exchanges, and focus on getting yourself mentally healthy.

And I agree with Justthe3ofus' post (except for the contact-I don't think you should have any contact since she uses any chance she gets to dig the knife in a little deeper).

FIL lives in another state. As I said before, I have no one that I can use as an intermediary. My parents live here but they are very mentally unhealthy people. The would move the earth for my younger brothers but they would do nothing to help me out in the slightest way. I have not spoken to them in almost a month and I intend to keep it that way. THEY are toxic also. Everyone I have ever had in my life does nothing but remind me what a failure I am and have never been supportive. On top of that, my parents try to control me. I don't need that. Again, if there weren't two innocent little girls involved, this cheating POS would be a mere footnote in my history by now. But having kids with someone does something. All I can see is the future that my girls won't have because their mother is a selfish person who surrounds herself with enablers.

I know he's out of state.
But there are some other options.
Some use a "curb side " pick up.
The issue is the ongoing conflict from contact.

You need to find a way to have no contact with her
As example, the recent text messages about the storage unit.
There is no need to text her or receive her messages.
You can have an intermediary act as an email IM for communication.
That alonr would eliminate a lot of stress

I do have minimal contact with her. Sometimes I go a week without texting, and then I'll get a text pertaining to when/where we make the exchange. But I do think we need to find a place where she can unload them and I don't need to see her cheating face.

I'm still waiting to hear from a former WW who was in a fog as deep as hers. Anyone know any MB members who have been in my xW's position?

What a day. My 4 year old got extremely upset when I told her that I was taking her back to her mommy. She got upset again when I dropped her off. I mean like the deep sobbing kind of upset. I didn't say a thing to her to make her upset - she knows she won't see me again for 5 days. I hope that selfish cheater feels at least a little bit guilty about what she is putting our daughter through, but probably not. She'll just blame me and sleep soundly at night.

I think you are right.
She probably will sleep soundly.
She doesn't care about your kids and has no shame

Your daughter loves you. That is something to appreciate. A girl loves her father in a very special way.

Try to not get caught up in your ex and her ability to see things.

Instead, consider how your kids can truly enjoy time and feel cherished when they are with you.

For how long? What is wrong with people? I thought she was intelligent but I guess I was very mistaken. Some Christian she turned out to be.

Unfortunately some people just turn wicked

From Dr Harleys letter Should I remarry my ex spouse:

"
Every time you get together, you are being exposed to his attractive characteristics. Somehow, he is meeting your needs and depositing love units, keeping his account in your�Love Bank�full to the brim. The effect of it all shows up most when you are apart from each other, and you want him to meet your needs again. So to avoid being attracted to your husband, you must make sure he doesn't deposit any more love units. You must simply discipline yourself for a period of time (six months to two years), to not have any contact with him whatsoever. The saying, "out of sight, out of mind," is true if you give it enough time.So the answer to your question, how can I "let go," is to never see him or talk to him again. Move away so you are not tempted to see him. Have someone deliver your children to him when it's his turn for visitation. Get him completely out of your life. It's what I recommend when a spouse is having an affair, which is another approach-avoidance conflict. The wayward spouse should never see or talk to his lover again the rest of his life. By doing that, he or she is able to let go.But until you either get rid of the repulsive characteristics that drive you away from each other, or discipline yourself never to see your ex-husband again, you will continue to watch him go through an endless loop of coming and going. You both have very attractive characteristics that drew you into marriage. Those same characteristics have created a trap, keeping you from "letting go."

Jedi, in that scenario, who is the wayward spouse? I can't imagine my xW having ANY attraction to me whatsoever, even though I am still attracted to her (but then I didn't have the affair). I can't cut off contact completely because there is no one to act as intermediary, and I mean no one.

I have cut off contact with my parents, though, which is a separate issue that I have to deal with. Regardless, they would be unreliable as intermediaries since they could give a rat's caboose about my situation. That leaves me with no family here at all, and I have no friends that have the free time to help.