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so far, I've had a big response from the exposure. I've had about 10 people contact me, the wife's girlfriend that she's talking with called me to ask why I was sending out the messages because my wife's phone wouldn't stop ringing and dinging. Of course, my wife was yelling at me in the background about how I'd just ended all chance of us working it out. Hope y'all are right about the whole save the marriage, not keep her from being angry stuff.


Two of my kids are with my mother, one is with my wife. I will tell them when I can.

Now that everyone knows, do I just pray and wait?

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Originally Posted by carsandkidz
Ok, two hours ago, I sent the OM's wife a message. She broke the whole thing wide open, I confronted my wife, she admitted to the affair

Bingo! I knew she could be the key to this! Regardless of whether you choose to recover your marriage, exposure is the best course of action.

It sounds like your kids have endured tremendous neglect as a result of your wife's affairs and alcohol abuse. Fortunately, they will no longer be suffering in silence. Neither will you or OM's wife. This is going to get very ugly before it starts to get better, but everyone will be better off once your wife's secret second life is exposed to the light of day.

We're pulling for you. Now go tell your kids!

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going to tell the kids tomorrow. I know, I should expose it all right now but the kids are now all with my mother.

I've given my wife the two options, end it completely with him and save us or try it with him and end up in divorce. She is not here, staying with the girlfriend that is helping her talk through everything. The girlfriend called to tell me my wife is going to stay there tonight. Should I leave my wife alone? should I acknowledge my part in not meeting her needs in the first place? I'm sure I'm not the first one that's been impatient. Just wondering how else I can help direct this decision.

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Ler her know what YOUR decision is and leave it at that. She either ends her affair, stops drinking and partying or this leads to divorce. Let her know this is non negotiable.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Did you tell all of your parents and family members?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You can tell the loser girlfriend that you will be telling everyone about her affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Good job on exposure. It was the biggest step toward saving your marriage! I haven't read through your entire thread, but have you studied up here on Plan A and Plan B? These 2 steps are critical for you to thoroughly understand. If someone hasn't posted links, you can find the in the Basics Concepts on the first page here.

It takes courage to do what you are doing to save this, should you choose to. You are going to need Plan A not, and prepare the extraordinary precautions list provided. Good job...we all know that it's counter-intuitive. We also know that her responses thus are textbook. Kudos, and keep moving forward.

God bless.

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Started exposure with the OM's wife, then told all family and friends. I was friends with the OM on facebook and when I sent out exposure PM's, I sent one to him. He wasn't happy, still trying to deny it to his wife.

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Originally Posted by carsandkidz
Started exposure with the OM's wife, then told all family and friends. I was friends with the OM on facebook and when I sent out exposure PM's, I sent one to him. He wasn't happy, still trying to deny it to his wife.

Did you make a copy of the OM's contacts? I would send exposure PMs out to his family and friends. Go copy and paste his contacts into a WORD doc and start exposing.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Good job on exposure. Don't worry about your wifes angry fog bable (where she said you ruined all chances of fixing this by exposing). She's just blind right now. You took the crack pipe away from the crack addict so to speak.

Be calm. Tell your wife nothing of your support here. Stick to the plan.

MNG

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Indeed, and heed Melody's advice. Stick to the plan...it's difficult and surgical. Set emotions aside. You are in triage.

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Yes, the very last thing you need to worry about is you wife's anger. That's a given, expected, and a short-term "event". Brace yourself, and if you respond at all to any attacks on you for it, you respond with "I am trying to save my marriage from my wife's infidelity. Please support me in my effort to save my marriage and keep my family intact." The end. No shame, but rather, strength. YOU are the beacon of light to save this...the hero. Never forget that.

Act on Melody's advice to the letter. Exposure is your number one priority right now.

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exposure is done, other than kids. WW is not home, not talking to me. How do I work plan A without communication? How long is expected after exposure to hear from the WW?

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C&k, I would focus now on making sure your kids are taken care of and that your money is secure. Have you moved your money to a safe place?

I doubt your wife will be gone long. She is staying away to shake you up and teach you a lesson. Don't let that shake your resolve. When she does call, let her know your conditions: that she end her affair, stop drinking and stop partying. I would make it very clear that there will never be another party in your home.

I would also start thinking about how you can sell your home and move away. You won't be able to recover your marriage with the OM living right by you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Ok, so the wife came home today, ended the affair, came clean with me and we are working on recovering. Her head is still a mess, since she just decided to end it this morning. I'm thinking I can't push too hard right now while she's in "withdrawal". What I have from her so far is a promise to never contact the OM again, she blocked his number in her phone, blacklisted the number. She is unable to block him on FB because he blocked her first. She and I have committed to rigorous honesty and complete openness and she is demonstrating that by talking openly about the affair and about her lies as well as other issues we have even though the whole situation brings her to tears every time.

I know we need more, have to get all the extraordinary measures in place, and she's aware there will be more. Should I bring it up and put it in place over the next couple of days as her head gets right or do I push it all on her now?

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That is wonderful news! Just a quick question: You did tell your kids. Correct?

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yes, kids know as much as they can. We have 3 girls aged 12, 9 and 8. The 12 yr old was with her mom when she was exposed, the 9 and 8 yr olds know as much as I felt they could understand.

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Originally Posted by carsandkidz
Ok, so the wife came home today, ended the affair, came clean with me and we are working on recovering. Her head is still a mess, since she just decided to end it this morning. I'm thinking I can't push too hard right now while she's in "withdrawal". What I have from her so far is a promise to never contact the OM again, she blocked his number in her phone, blacklisted the number. She is unable to block him on FB because he blocked her first. She and I have committed to rigorous honesty and complete openness and she is demonstrating that by talking openly about the affair and about her lies as well as other issues we have even though the whole situation brings her to tears every time.

I know we need more, have to get all the extraordinary measures in place, and she's aware there will be more. Should I bring it up and put it in place over the next couple of days as her head gets right or do I push it all on her now?

Just a drive by post, but 2 things I would do immediately:

1) Have her delete her FB page completely, and only if necessary, create a joint FB page. Considering the subject line in your original post, I would opt for burying FB forever.

2) Blocking phone numbers may not be enough. Change her phone number, and I would also put a keylogger on her phone without her knowledge when you get a chance (ie:now). Don't underestimate the power of this addiction.

Great job thus far though. Well done!!

Oh, remember this?

Originally Posted by carsandkidz
so far, I've had a big response from the exposure. I've had about 10 people contact me, the wife's girlfriend that she's talking with called me to ask why I was sending out the messages because my wife's phone wouldn't stop ringing and dinging. Of course, my wife was yelling at me in the background about how I'd just ended all chance of us working it out. Hope y'all are right about the whole save the marriage, not keep her from being angry stuff.


Two of my kids are with my mother, one is with my wife. I will tell them when I can.

Now that everyone knows, do I just pray and wait?

What say you now?

clap

Last edited by Viper; 12/01/13 08:46 PM.

Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Originally Posted by carsandkidz
Ok, so the wife came home today, ended the affair, came clean with me and we are working on recovering. Her head is still a mess, since she just decided to end it this morning. I'm thinking I can't push too hard right now while she's in "withdrawal". What I have from her so far is a promise to never contact the OM again, she blocked his number in her phone, blacklisted the number. She is unable to block him on FB because he blocked her first. She and I have committed to rigorous honesty and complete openness and she is demonstrating that by talking openly about the affair and about her lies as well as other issues we have even though the whole situation brings her to tears every time.

I know we need more, have to get all the extraordinary measures in place, and she's aware there will be more. Should I bring it up and put it in place over the next couple of days as her head gets right or do I push it all on her now?

Drive the deal home now. Don't delay anymore. Have her delete facebook and change her phone # and email address. I would also ask her to send the OM a no contact letter as outlined in Survivng an Affair. I will post it.

Did you finish all your exposures?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by carsandkidz
yes, kids know as much as they can. We have 3 girls aged 12, 9 and 8. The 12 yr old was with her mom when she was exposed, the 9 and 8 yr olds know as much as I felt they could understand.

What do you mean by this? Were they told their mother is having an affair with a man named _____? were they taught the reasons why adultery is wrong? If not, you are essentially playing headgames with children. A child from age 4 and up know what an affair is and why it is wrong. If you don't tell them it is wrong, they think your silence is an endorsement.

What did you tell your children and why can't they understand the full truth?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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