In that situation, there may not have been a wayward.
Harley just says to get the person out of sight, out of mind

Here are the articles.
Should I Remarry My Ex-Spouse? #1
Should I Remarry My Ex-Spouse? #2

Here's an example of how I can't do a dark Plan B: I got a text this evening informing me that my 4 1/2 year old daughter has a Christmas program at the local high school tomorrow evening. I will have to take off work early with no warning. She was giving me crap about "not knowing about it" - I have been to their day care ONCE in the past couple months and I get no correspondence from them even though they have my email address. She seems to love to ignore the fact that I am gone 12 to 14 hours a day at this job.

I almost broke down when I got the text, because this is her first Christmas program, and I had envisioned sharing the moment as a family. But yeah, that won't happen. In fact, if the POSOM is there, I can't guarantee that there won't be some trouble. I don't want to ruin my daughter's evening, but it would be pretty brazen of the xW to have him there.

I also talked to my FIL last night. THey are coming out for Christmas, and it should be interesting if she has the POSOM at the house, given the fact that her father is NOT approving of her actions or his presence. He actually met him briefly last time he was in town, but he didn't know who he was at the time. After he found out, he had nothing to do with him. That was the weekend my xW accused me of "ruining her relationship with her father", which of course is BS - she did it all by herself.

Anyway that's my post for tonight. Not a happy camper, as usual.

Do you have a friend that can come with you?

I've said it 5 times: I have no one here. No family, no friends. I am about as alone as you can imagine.

Well watch out.
Don't do something you'll regret later

I'm not sure if she is that dumb to bring that POS along. She said she invited my parents, but I doubt they will show up. I haven't spoken to them in almost a month and I'm trying to put as much distance between me and them as possible.

Can you set up Google calendar to have all the children's activities entered and so you don't have to communicate with WXW and you stay updated?

That's the thing - I wasn't even aware of this event until yesterday. I was not informed by anyone. I was not at the daycare to see the announcement and I apparently didn't see it the last time I picked them up because that's not where my focus was.

Does the daycare have a website to check for events? When my children were in preschool (and now elementary), I check their website a couple times a month in case I missed any notifications that did not make it home.

This is so simple. Call the Daycare and ask the to put you on their e-mail list (if they communicate that way) or their mailing list. There has to be a communication loop and you simply need to be included in it so this doesn't happen again.

Ignore your WW's criticisms. They're worthless.

Yes.

Let daycare know that they must send you information and events in addition to the mother. That you expect them so that you can plan work accordingly.

(daycares and schools understand this if notified)

I checked their website today - they only have scheduled days off and that sort of thing on their calendar, and no announcements. For what they charge you'd think they'd have that on there.

Can you email them and ask them to send you notices, because you aren't getting them?

Blindsided,
Have looked in on your story from time to time. I have to say that you have probably been kicked around and 'blindsided' by your ex-wife. However, seems that you do open yourself to misery and conflict in your life and current situation Think you need to: 1) change your focus from your ex-wife to you she is your ex-wife now, and if she wants another man in her life is her choice, 2) be much more proactive on your own behalf, and 3) obtain a decent-paying permanent job, even if it means you have to relocate from an economically -depressed are as you have described.

Blindsided, regarding No. 1 - she is your ex-wife. She is legally free to choose another man at this point, and you have no say in that matter. If their relationship began while you were legally married, then you do have a say - other-wise not. There seems to be a custody issue regarding your kids living and being supported by the OM and you not having much visitation. Then, work hard, earn god money, and get back to court to resolve that. Regarding No. 2 - as a dad, I would have taken a day off work and resolved that mis-communication issue with day care with a personal visit - not got gripe, but to get to know the administrator of that day care and ensure that he/she knew how important it is to be in the loop, as the dad. Regarding No. 3, all I can say is get a decent-paying permanent job that will ensure you employment and economic security for the next several years. I suspect there are a couple of things on your mind now, and those are that you may not have much in the way for your retirement socked away (and at your age that is not good), and that you have much in the way of child support facing you over the next several years. Not good. You ARE on the hook for child support for your two kids for the next several years - same as if she had never divorced you! Please do not underestimate the state's power to place you in the slammer (at her request) if you financially ignore child support. All the more reason for you to do the best you can to obtain a good permanent job. If that requires relocation, yes it may mean sacrificing time with your kids in the short term. In the long-term tho, it will pay off.

In sum, focus on yourself(not at all on your ex-W) and your future (i.e, Plan B), take any measure to grow your job skills and devote at least 30 hours per week to obtain a permanent position, and be much more proactive in our life in dealing with people and disappointments that may come your way.

I do have sympathy for you Blindsided, but it wounds like you could do much much beter to overcome your woes. Will say some prayers for you as I did when I first read your sotry.

Tom

Tom, let me address your post.

1, She may be legally free to do what she pleases, and that was her reason for divorcing me - to justify her adultery and make it okay somehow. She DID commit adultery and started the affair even before we were separated. Rather than make any attempt to fix our marriage, she began an emotional affair that became physical long before we were divorced. None of this came up in court because there was no court - I did not respond to the petition for philosophical reasons. Also, the POSOM does not support her or my kids in any way whatsoever. As far as I understand, he still swings by for some punani and spends the night a couple times a week and that's about it. Her parents are not supportive of her actions, especially her father. She is not happy, despite hat she may have thought divorcing me would do for her.

2. I don't have a crystal ball, and I do not go to my kids' preschool, so unless someone informs me, I don't know what is going on. I suppose I could be more proactive in that regard, but I am also very busy during the week and have little free time for anything.

3. The contract position I have now pays pretty well, and there it talk of it becoming permanent. Remember, too, that I am in the process of bringing a product to market that should be very lucrative for me if all my ducks line up how I need them to. Not counting those chickens yet, though.

Most of the time I have my head about me, but there are times when I lose it and say dumb things. It's hard when the WxW is still kicking my balls every time I see her - she still blames me for all of her problems which tells me that her side of the equation ain't going so well, either.

I may be a complete idiot, but I am still holding out hope that she decides that she made a mistake and wants to talk about things. In the meantime, I am indeed concentrating on other things like starting a company, and I also bought a cheap keyboard controller so I can start putting some of my music compositions that have been rattling around my brain into garage band.

How's everything going this week?

Same S different day. Having a real hard time with Christmas. I do believe you are the only person on the planet who bothers to give a crap, Jedi, Thanks.

Blindsided,

I am a fairly new poster here. But I have been following your thread since you began to post.

It seems that your pain is turning you into a negative person. I don't know you, but this is what I am hearing in your posts. (I think Just3 referred to this as a self-defeatist attitude.) Have you tried writing a list of things you are thankful for, or things that you can be positive about? Then, read through your list several times each day (or more). The positive and up-beat man will attract other people to them more easily. I want you to heal from the pain you are feeling. It almost seems like you are punishing yourself for your ex-WW's choices.

Have you tried to write a list of positive things? (Some examples I see would be that you have 2 beautiful daughters, and you don't have any compound fractures, or your sewer system didn't break last week in your house.) Will this help you and is it worth a try? Have you tried to become involved in a church or in volunteering? Others do care, but you must take the first step in your journey of personal healing. Be strong. You are worth it, and your daughters need you.

I'm not really that negative a person, but this place ends up being a venting station, ya know? I get wound up about something and I come here to find out if I am insane for being angry or whatever.

As for making a list of positive things, there aren't many, to be honest. Let's see: I hardly see my kids. They are growing up fast and I am missing almost all of it. I have a chronic medical condition that makes eating unpleasant at the least. I have a temporary job that is an hour away, which east up almost all of my free time during the week. I have no health insurance. My family has ALL abandoned me. I got no calls or texts at Thanksgiving and don't expect to get any for Christmas. Why don't I contact them? Because it goes both ways, that's why. I have always been the one to have to pick up the phone, and if I don't, we don't talk. It shouldn't be like that with family. They don't like me. I don't know why but I am beginning to not care.

What else? Oh yeah - my wife cheated on me and I am into her for child support. The state office already had my license suspended. I need to straighten some things out with them before I can pay her anything. Not that I don't want to "support" my kids, but it seems unnecessary for me to contribute when I need to support myself, and she can seem to be able to afford a brand new iPad even when she doesn't get anything from me. No shortage of money there.

What else? I can't get a date to save my life. Been celibate for 2 years and 10 months. That's a super confidence-booster right there.

In the positive column? I'm not dead. Yet. I really don't have anything to look forward to exert the time with my girls. Everything else is wasted time.