Hello, I need help with exposure. I could give you my whole story and background if that helps, but I'll start with my question.

I should have exposed on D-Day, however, I didn't know about MB at that time. So my WH continued his affair and I gave up on him. I moved out with our DD, we sold our home, we went to a Mediator to have divorce papers drawn up, and we live separately in apartments. WH told me from the time I moved out that he missed me & DD and wanted us back. I told him that would only happen if he dumped OW. He could never figure out how to make that happen (shocker!). Our divorce papers were never filed with the court, so we are not divorced yet. In November he told me he tried to end things with OW and she threatened suicide (again, shocker!), so then he wasn't sure how to proceed because he would feel terrible if she ended her life. I told him about Dr. Harley and the Surviving an Affair book and if he had any hope of saving our marriage then he would would follow Dr. Harley's advice. I told him his first step would be to send OW a No Contact letter. He asked if he could read the book when I was finished. I gave him the book last week before I finished it, but he hasn't said anything about sending the letter yet.

My question is:
Should I expose to the family of OW at this point? The templates I found on here are more to breakup the Affair. I feel like I should still send them a message that the affair happened, my husband has decided to save the marriage, please convince the OW to stay away from him. OW was married when she met my WH. She asked her H for a divorce two weeks after she met my WH. Their divorce is now final. Her exH friended me on Facebook about three months after the affair began. We traded stories about how it all began and that was the extent of our communication. I've figured out from his friend list who her mother, sister, and brother are. Her father does not use FB apparently. Is it necessary to expose to them? If so, should I wait until contact ends between WH & OW? WH's family and my family are already aware of the affair.

I'm a bit unsure about this whole Reconciliation. I have fears of course, but want to give it my best shot. I don't feel like I am in love with WH anymore which feels strange. I'm hopeful that those feelings will return once he ends contact with OW and we begin spending more time together.

I am confused about why you think the affair is over when you know it is not over. The affair is NOT over. You should expose the affair to everyone as soon as possible. Without forewarning your husband.

What makes you think your husband wants to save your marriage? I see nothing here that indicates this.

Don't you WANT to break up the affair?


I would worry about reconciliation when you have a willing partner. You do not. Your husband is still very active in his affair and is not willing to end his affair.

I would expose the affair and then go into a pitch black Plan B.

If you have any old emails, jokes, etc., that were perhaps forwarded from OW to your hubby, have a look to see the email addresses that were on the group list. I managed to get a ton of email addresses of OW's friends and family that way.

If you have phone numbers, you can also try entering those into a FB search. I got lucky with quite a few of those and it brought me to their names, and then I checked photos to be certain that I had the same person. Another thing that I did is check to see who "liked" their comments/photos, and then I checked THAT person�I found lots more family that way.

You should use exposure to break up the affair. DO NOT wait for it to end! Get as many names, contacts, that you can now, and then once you start exposure you need to blast them all at once (wait 2-3 minutes between each email using FB and pay the $1 for each so that your email doesn't get send to their spam folder).

I also looked up OW's neighbors using the county tax auditor site, four on each side of her, and sent a letter to them (with a family photo at the top so that they could recognize my H from having been at her house).

I was the same as you and did not expose correctly at first. When I did it the second time I blasted it everywhere. I thought of it as like making the largest party invitation list ever.

You can post your exposure letter on here if you'd like for us to have a look before you send it.

ML- Thanks for your replies. I know the affair is not over, but I am hoping it is over once he puts the NC letter together and changes his contact info.
I think he wants to save the marriage because, from September when I moved out until November when he finally told me he wanted to end it with her, he cried every time we exchanged our daughter. I was always very cold toward him and told him he knows he has to end it if he wants me back. He wrote me a three page letter begging me not to sign divorce papers, everything he misses about us together, apologized for destroying our family, and took responsibility for all he has done. The letter made me emotional and hopeful, however, he didn't mention any sort of plan to leave OW. I signed divorce papers the next day and told him that divorce is our only option if he can't dump OW. He was upset and crying again.
At that point, I mostly accepted that our marriage is over. If he can't leave OW on his own then I shouldn't do anything to force him to end it. So yes, I do WANT the affair to end. However, I gave up fighting for our marriage in September and decided to let the affair die a natural death. If WH and I are meant to be then it will work out.
I have exposed it to everyone we know except OW's people. I guess I'm not sure what to say to her people at this point. Do I go with the standard template or also include that OW is mentally unstable so WH doesn't want to push her over the edge and she needs their help.

Blind- Thanks for your help. I have figured out several of OW's friends from WH's FB friend list. They are aware of the affair already. WH, OW, and her friends played on a volleyball league all summer. Apparently, they are all as morally bankrupt as OW because they all knew about it and did nothing. I don't have any emails because WH doesn't use email very much. OW lives in an apartment.

I will think more about the letter and hope to post it soon.

Most waywards want to keep the OW and their spouses around at the same time. He wants you hanging around as an option. If he wanted to save your marriage he would have left the OW. He has not done that. It is a wonderful feeling for him to keep you on the sidelines while he pursues his affair.

Hopefully, you will do EVERYTHING to kill the affair. You should be striving to kill it because he is not interested in saving your marriage. He is interested in keeping you around as an option, which is why he tried to get you to kill the divorce. I hope you can understand this.


I would go with the standard template and add that your H has been in contact for some time and wants to come home but says that the OW is mentally unstable and he doesn't want to push her over the edge.

Unless you have personally spoken to these people, the affair has not been exposed to them. They only know the lies told by your husband and the OW. I would target the OW's parents, family, and friends. You will probably have to pay a $1 to send them a private message otherwise it will go into their spam box.

And more importantly, I would make plans to go into a pitch dark Plan B. This is a separation where he is not allowed to contact you. As long as he is allowed to contact you, it inadvertently props up the affair, while tearing you down emotionally and physically. The affair will die faster if you are not hanging around as his "option" while he pursues his affair.

He didn't want your marriage enough to dump the OW. I hope you were not persuaded by his crocodile tears. All waywards know how to produce great crocodile tears in order to get their way. It is a manipulation tactic. As you can see, he was never serious or he would have ended his affair.

Please follow this.

Here is my letter:

Hello Friend/Family of Slutface,
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends/family should be aware that OW is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 4 1/2 years and have a 2 year old daughter together. They have been having this affair since May according to the evidence.
I left Joe in September because of this affair and we sold our home. Joe has indicated for the past 3 months that he doesn�t want a divorce and would like to keep our family together. He says he has tried to end things with OW, but she seems to be mentally unstable.
I would ask that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husband/boyfriend around her because she is no friend to marriage.
Thank you,
BW


I plan to send these via FB message and pay the $1 to send each message. I have her mother, sister, and brother. OW is only 25 years old and her siblings are younger. It appears that her brother is late teens - maybe 20 years old. Should I still include him? What about her ex-husband? Should I send it to him? He already knows about the affair. I also will send to her 4-5 friends that played volleyball with her and WH over the summer.

Good job and when will you be sending the messages?

Yes send it to her XH and her brother.

Send it to them all. Good job on the letter!!

Okay, great! I think I will send them today. Nothing to lose!

And everything to gain.

We are here for you.

I'm nervous! I have a few things to get done at work, but I plan to send them this afternoon before I leave the office.

We understand, but you will be amazed how relieved you may feel after it's done. The truth will set you free and you aren't hiding his dirty little secret for him.

Okay, I sent to her mother, sister, brother, and exH.

It asked me to pay $1 for the first message - her mother. It didn't ask me to pay $1 for the other ones. Is that normal?

I totally forgot about spacing them out a minute or two! But the time stamps say they were all 3 minutes apart.

Great Job!!!



Did you send to the friends who played volleyball?

Yes, I just sent it to the four friends. Two of them made me pay $1, so apparently that must be part of privacy/security on FB.

Her exH is now chatting with me about it. He says he really misses OW and still loves her. I know some terrible crap that OW said about her exH. I want to tell him to move on, but that might be insensitive.