They have her on Methadone right now, once every 8 hours, in addition to Percocet, whenever she asks for it. Obviously not working.

Also, lorazepam for anxiety. Given many times to hospice patients in conjuction with morphine.

So sorry you are going through this, writer...

It sounds like she could be having a reaction to the methadone. I'm very surprised they aren't giving her morphine along with anti-anxiety meds, since it's hospice. My husband didn't need or get morphine until the final day of his life, but he wasn't as agitated as your mom sounds. He was able to get by with hydrocodone, phenegram?, and anti-anxiety meds. Confusion and delirium can also be caused by dehydration. Everyone is different though. If she won't take her meds orally, can they administer it through IV? Look over the paperwork you and she had to sign when she wad admitted. There should be a patient's rights section. Make the facility live up to their end.

My husband was in home hospice for about three months all the way to the end. It was horrible to watch him suffer, but he was able to get some relief through finding the right medicine combinations, and he was much happier at home with us. It took several different tries and even dismissing one particular hospice nurse. Her replacement was an angel.

Don't be afraid to speak up and demand that they try something different. That's the whole point of hospice, to make the patient as comfortable as possible when there is nothing left to do to treat the disease. You as the family have every right to make sure they are doing everything possible to make your mom comfortable, even if it means trying different drug combinations, or even different caregivers.

I feel bad for you, but I also feel bad for your mom. No one should have to suffer that greatly. Hospice is for the family too. You are in charge, not them. You are the voice for your mom when she isn't capable of helping herself. Contact a patient advocate at the facility. Put your complaints in writing. I've heard too many horror stories and read lawsuits about neglected and mistreated patients in some of these facilities.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know firsthand how it feels to watch someone you love die from cancer. It's an awful disease. Your thread triggers my grief but if I can help you I will.

Princessmeggy, thank you for all of the advice.

They did switch my mom's medications yesterday. She is now on morphine, as well as an anit-anxiety med and a sleep med. I haven't spoken with her yet this morning, but no calls in the middle of the night, so I'm hoping that is a good sign. She was much calmer while I was visiting with her yesterday evening. I think what happened was she was admitted into hospice and moved to the boarding house quite late in the day Monday. Hospice was supposed to delivery her meds that night, but they didn't arrive until Tuesday morning. So that first night, all they had was whatever the skilled nursing facility had sent over, and that simply wasn't working.

We went back and forth about bringing my mom here or placing her in the boarding facility. In the end, I just didn't feel as though I could handle having her home. I was afraid of having my 5-year-old have to witness every step of this process and also I just didn't feel capable of providing the level of care she would require on my own. Hospice is great, but they're only with her a couple hours a day. My mother requires a very high level of care. Even two full-time caregivers at the boarding facility are having a hard time meeting all of her needs. I just have no idea how I ever could have done it.

This facility did come recommended by the social worker at the hospice, so I'm hoping it will work out and it was just a matter of getting her medications figured out.

Oh writer, I do understand the dilema, and you were right about a small child watching that. At the end, we sent our grandchildren away because we didn't want them to remember their grandaddy like that.

I'm so glad they got her meds straightened out. That can make a huge difference!

(((writer)))

Writer, I think Princess Meggy means Phenergan (generic known as Promethazine). Phenergan is used to treat nausea. Another medication for nausea is Zofran. I get terrible migraines, and an anti-nausea has helped my pain meds work better because I need less of the pain medication if I can keep the nausea under control. Hope this helps.

You are doing the right thing in protecting your little one from seeing the sickness take over. Know that many of us here are thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

Zofran is the gold standard of nausea meds in my book. Phenergan and Compazine both have some psychological effects, Zofran does not AFAIK.

I, too, get wicked migraines and the nausea meds help me.

Today, mom has been a virtual zombie. She can't seem to wake up at all. I haven't even been able to talk to her on the phone.

So, they are changing the topical Compazine to as needed only (she hasn't thrown up today) and decreasing her Morphine dosage.

Hopefully, we will be able to find a balance between her being in pain and agitated and her being a virtual vegetable.

I agree that if your mother is in unendurable pain, that it dows notmake sense for your daughter to experience that. Otherwise, you can bring your daughter in for a few minutes in moment where your mother will be awake.

Just as we tell children the truth about affairs; illness, death and dying are part of life. Of course it depends on the situation and the individual child. When my grandmother was in the hospital at the end of her life, My mother would visit her and at the end of the visit I would be allowed to go in, which I frankly do not remember. What I do remember though is, that I would be allowed to buy an ice cream at the little shop. And I remember the day my grandmother died. My aunt was reading a book to us and my mother came to tell us that she had died. We were allowed to go into the room and kiss her hand. This I vividly remember.

What I wanted to say is, that when the situation has calmed down, you may want to bring your daughter, depending on her reaction.
I do not feel that the idea of "let the child remember them how they wher when they were healthy" is ideal. To have a family member just disappear.

Just teach her the truth in an age-appropriate manner.


God bless

Happyheart

Keeping a balance will be very difficult, because your mother's needs are changing so fast. That is a big reason why it would have never worked for her to return to your home. I am very sorry you are experiencing this. Both my wife's parents and my father died this way. You will likely know the end is days away when she stops accepting any fluids.

Wiser hon, I'm praying for you and your mom and your family. What a rough time, so sad. I'm grateful you have had the time you had together.

(((Hugs)))

So sorry writer.

My mom passed away early this morning. Today was her 66th birthday. She'd been unresponsive for several days now, but I think she was just holding on long enough to see that milestone.

Mostly I just feel a sense of relief. I'm relieved that she doesn't have to hurt and suffer anymore.

I know I will always miss her. I will always have a void in my life. It's been a rough year, losing both my mom and my grandma. They were my only real family. When I think of the word "parents" those are the two people I think of. They were the ones who raised me, who loved me, who took care of me, stood beside me even when I made stupid mistakes. I guess that's about as close to the definition of a family as one can get.

Thank you everyone here for your hugs, prayers, encouragement, advice, and kind words. They really did help get me through a most difficult time. I appreciate each and every one of you who took the time to post to me and help me through this.

I'm so sorry writer for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

I am so sorry, writer. I am glad your mother does not have to suffer anymore.

I'm sorry, Writer. Hugs.

I'm very sorry Writer. Wishing you and your family peace and healing.

I am sorry to hear of the passing of your mother.

I'm so sorry, writer.