Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 20 of 27 1 2 18 19 20 21 22 26 27
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
W
writer1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Originally Posted By: living_well
Originally Posted By: writer1
CANCER SUCKS!

Seriously, this is just the most horrendous thing anyone could ever imagine. My mother is in constant pain and suffering.


Morphine. Tell her to keep asking.


They have her on Methadone right now, once every 8 hours, in addition to Percocet, whenever she asks for it. Obviously not working.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
Originally Posted By: living_well
Originally Posted By: writer1
CANCER SUCKS!

Seriously, this is just the most horrendous thing anyone could ever imagine. My mother is in constant pain and suffering.


Morphine. Tell her to keep asking.


Also, lorazepam for anxiety. Given many times to hospice patients in conjuction with morphine.


"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 851
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 851
hug So sorry you are going through this, writer...


FWW

"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Originally Posted By: writer1
Originally Posted By: living_well
Originally Posted By: writer1
CANCER SUCKS!

Seriously, this is just the most horrendous thing anyone could ever imagine. My mother is in constant pain and suffering.


Morphine. Tell her to keep asking.


They have her on Methadone right now, once every 8 hours, in addition to Percocet, whenever she asks for it. Obviously not working.


It sounds like she could be having a reaction to the methadone. I'm very surprised they aren't giving her morphine along with anti-anxiety meds, since it's hospice. My husband didn't need or get morphine until the final day of his life, but he wasn't as agitated as your mom sounds. He was able to get by with hydrocodone, phenegram?, and anti-anxiety meds. Confusion and delirium can also be caused by dehydration. Everyone is different though. If she won't take her meds orally, can they administer it through IV? Look over the paperwork you and she had to sign when she wad admitted. There should be a patient's rights section. Make the facility live up to their end.

My husband was in home hospice for about three months all the way to the end. It was horrible to watch him suffer, but he was able to get some relief through finding the right medicine combinations, and he was much happier at home with us. It took several different tries and even dismissing one particular hospice nurse. Her replacement was an angel.

Don't be afraid to speak up and demand that they try something different. That's the whole point of hospice, to make the patient as comfortable as possible when there is nothing left to do to treat the disease. You as the family have every right to make sure they are doing everything possible to make your mom comfortable, even if it means trying different drug combinations, or even different caregivers.

I feel bad for you, but I also feel bad for your mom. No one should have to suffer that greatly. Hospice is for the family too. You are in charge, not them. You are the voice for your mom when she isn't capable of helping herself. Contact a patient advocate at the facility. Put your complaints in writing. I've heard too many horror stories and read lawsuits about neglected and mistreated patients in some of these facilities.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know firsthand how it feels to watch someone you love die from cancer. It's an awful disease. Your thread triggers my grief but if I can help you I will.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
W
writer1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Princessmeggy, thank you for all of the advice.

They did switch my mom's medications yesterday. She is now on morphine, as well as an anit-anxiety med and a sleep med. I haven't spoken with her yet this morning, but no calls in the middle of the night, so I'm hoping that is a good sign. She was much calmer while I was visiting with her yesterday evening. I think what happened was she was admitted into hospice and moved to the boarding house quite late in the day Monday. Hospice was supposed to delivery her meds that night, but they didn't arrive until Tuesday morning. So that first night, all they had was whatever the skilled nursing facility had sent over, and that simply wasn't working.

We went back and forth about bringing my mom here or placing her in the boarding facility. In the end, I just didn't feel as though I could handle having her home. I was afraid of having my 5-year-old have to witness every step of this process and also I just didn't feel capable of providing the level of care she would require on my own. Hospice is great, but they're only with her a couple hours a day. My mother requires a very high level of care. Even two full-time caregivers at the boarding facility are having a hard time meeting all of her needs. I just have no idea how I ever could have done it.

This facility did come recommended by the social worker at the hospice, so I'm hoping it will work out and it was just a matter of getting her medications figured out.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Oh writer, I do understand the dilema, and you were right about a small child watching that. At the end, we sent our grandchildren away because we didn't want them to remember their grandaddy like that.

I'm so glad they got her meds straightened out. That can make a huge difference!

(((writer)))


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 360
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 360
Writer, I think Princess Meggy means Phenergan (generic known as Promethazine). Phenergan is used to treat nausea. Another medication for nausea is Zofran. I get terrible migraines, and an anti-nausea has helped my pain meds work better because I need less of the pain medication if I can keep the nausea under control. Hope this helps.

You are doing the right thing in protecting your little one from seeing the sickness take over. Know that many of us here are thinking of you and praying for you and your family.


W (me) - 40
H - 44
M 15 years, 2 kids
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
Zofran is the gold standard of nausea meds in my book. Phenergan and Compazine both have some psychological effects, Zofran does not AFAIK.

I, too, get wicked migraines and the nausea meds help me.


Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
W
writer1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
Today, mom has been a virtual zombie. She can't seem to wake up at all. I haven't even been able to talk to her on the phone.

So, they are changing the topical Compazine to as needed only (she hasn't thrown up today) and decreasing her Morphine dosage.

Hopefully, we will be able to find a balance between her being in pain and agitated and her being a virtual vegetable.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,148
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,148
I agree that if your mother is in unendurable pain, that it dows notmake sense for your daughter to experience that. Otherwise, you can bring your daughter in for a few minutes in moment where your mother will be awake.

Just as we tell children the truth about affairs; illness, death and dying are part of life. Of course it depends on the situation and the individual child. When my grandmother was in the hospital at the end of her life, My mother would visit her and at the end of the visit I would be allowed to go in, which I frankly do not remember. What I do remember though is, that I would be allowed to buy an ice cream at the little shop. And I remember the day my grandmother died. My aunt was reading a book to us and my mother came to tell us that she had died. We were allowed to go into the room and kiss her hand. This I vividly remember.

What I wanted to say is, that when the situation has calmed down, you may want to bring your daughter, depending on her reaction.
I do not feel that the idea of "let the child remember them how they wher when they were healthy" is ideal. To have a family member just disappear.

Just teach her the truth in an age-appropriate manner.


God bless

Happyheart


me, DH
all the children
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted By: writer1
Hopefully, we will be able to find a balance between her being in pain and agitated and her being a virtual vegetable.
Keeping a balance will be very difficult, because your mother's needs are changing so fast. That is a big reason why it would have never worked for her to return to your home. I am very sorry you are experiencing this. Both my wife's parents and my father died this way. You will likely know the end is days away when she stops accepting any fluids.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,556
Wiser hon, I'm praying for you and your mom and your family. What a rough time, so sad. I'm grateful you have had the time you had together.

(((Hugs)))


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
So sorry writer. hug


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
W
writer1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,803
My mom passed away early this morning. Today was her 66th birthday. She'd been unresponsive for several days now, but I think she was just holding on long enough to see that milestone.

Mostly I just feel a sense of relief. I'm relieved that she doesn't have to hurt and suffer anymore.

I know I will always miss her. I will always have a void in my life. It's been a rough year, losing both my mom and my grandma. They were my only real family. When I think of the word "parents" those are the two people I think of. They were the ones who raised me, who loved me, who took care of me, stood beside me even when I made stupid mistakes. I guess that's about as close to the definition of a family as one can get.

Thank you everyone here for your hugs, prayers, encouragement, advice, and kind words. They really did help get me through a most difficult time. I appreciate each and every one of you who took the time to post to me and help me through this.


Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,272
Likes: 2
I'm so sorry writer for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
pray hug


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
I am so sorry, writer. I am glad your mother does not have to suffer anymore. hug


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 360
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 360
I'm sorry, Writer. Hugs.


W (me) - 40
H - 44
M 15 years, 2 kids
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 571
I'm very sorry Writer. Wishing you and your family peace and healing.

Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
I am sorry to hear of the passing of your mother.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,806
Likes: 7
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,806
Likes: 7
I'm so sorry, writer.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
Page 20 of 27 1 2 18 19 20 21 22 26 27

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 41 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg, Endlessvow
71,682 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5