We aren't only looking in Colorado. My DH is looking all over - Colorado, Oregon, Minnesota, Texas, North Carolina. We know people who live in all of these areas. But we are open to pretty much anything. And most places have a lower COL than So-Cal, so anything would be an improvement over here.

Oh good!! I am glad you are looking everywhere. The COL in OK and Tex is lower than most and the unemployment is very low. For example, you could rent a nice little 3/2/2 around 2000 sq ft in a suburb of OK City or Tulsa for around $1000. You would also have a lot of options for employment because many major companies have offices here.

I am so excited for your future, writer!!

Wow! This is a great step!

Here in OKC, you could get a 2 bedroom apt for about $700 or a house for about the same. As far as job hhunting, go to newsok.com and go to the jobs area. Heck, he could get a job working day shift 7-11 for $11 an hour. Is your husband in good enough shape to apply for the police Academy?

I would also tell your son that he has 4 weeks till he has to be out of the house. Help him fill oout the fafsa for college if he wants to go to school.

Even better if you can find a lower cost of living area than So Cal. Great job keeping your options open!

Email me if you want me to put you intouch with my old employer - They're hiring call center supervisors/back office call center supervisor.

Ask the mods for my contact info. The jobs are either Ohio or North Carolina, possibly Ontario, CA.

Oh writer, hubby and I were away for a long weekend together and I just now read about your mom. I'm so sorry. Since it happened so quickly for you, you may or may not have these weird feelings of being so relieved and yet missing her. Taking care of my father for 6 years, I felt so free not to have that burden anymore and yet I also missed him. A weird dichotomy. Praying for your family. Oklahoma or Texas would definitely be a good choice.

Writer,

what a blessing that your mom was able to have you help her in her final days. It certainly seems that you made the right decision to have her stay where she could get more care, considering how fast her health failed. Your instincts were good.

Best wishes in your next moves, launching your son (however unwillingly) into his adult life, and finding where you will live. Good opportunity to practice POJA. Is his dad in agreement about him moving out?

Hey writer, did your 19 yr old son move out at one point and then come back? And I getting your sons confused?

We actually kicked him out at one point and allowed him to move back in when he had nowhere to go. He called us from a gas station one day where he was sitting on his suitcase with nowhere to go.

To say he has issues is a mild understatement. He was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age, but I've always thought there must be more going on than that. He has learning disabilities and dropped out of high school when he was 17. He's never had a job and has refused to even try going back to school or getting his GED.

I just don't know what to do with him. He's my son. I love him. But I don't know how to help him when he doesn't seem to want to do anything to help himself.

When you all move, maybe the change in location will be good for him, too. Or maybe this is part of what you need a respite from. Maybe he could stay with your son or daughter out of state for a month to get back on his feet.

My sister was in a similar situation, and I got her a job where I worked, but it didn't help at the time. She though it was ridiculous that she should have to work like that, quit, and tells my family I'm nuts for staying there. Just a totally different mindset. They'll find their way in their own time, but it doesn't have to be on your back in the meanwhile.

Writer, please do yourself and your son a favour and do not even entertain the thought of him moving with you.

Honestly, you will have replaced your mother with your son as a drain on your marriage and peace of mind.

Just DON'T do it.

Hi Writer,

Thinking of you, hope you are doing OK.

Hi. Thank you for asking.

I'm hanging in there. I think this is going to be a difficult holiday. It's just now beginning to sink in that this will be my first Christmas without both my grandmother and my mother. If it were up to me, I would just skip the holidays this year, but I can't really do that with a 5-year-old.

Tomorrow is my 20th wedding anniversary. We are going to the Huntington Library and Gardens, a very beautiful museum in Pasadena, then out to dinner. Looking forward to spending the day with my husband.

Good that you get to spend some time with your husband.

I think a 5 year old could adjust to a pretty low key Christmas celebration.

We are definitely going low-key. I bought most of DD5's presents a long time ago, but she's mostly getting art supplies and some movies, a couple little Lego sets. She doesn't really need anymore toys.

I'm going to bake and make fudge on Christmas Eve, but I'm skipping making tamales this year, which is a usually a 2-day project. Christmas morning, we are opening presents, eating breakfast, then hanging out until the afternoon, when we will be going to SIL's house to celebrate with DH's family.

Happy Anniversary, writer...

Happy Anniversary, hon, thanks for checking in, I really feel for you going through all this during the holidays.

Writer,

Hope 2014 is a wonderful yeast for you and your family.

Thanks emilyann.

Okay, I have a question, which I think I already know the answer to, but just want a second opinion.

Going through my mom's stuff, I found a large stack of letters that my dad wrote to her, mostly when she was pregnant with me, but a few after I was born as well. To most people, this would be quite a treasure, but as I think most of you know, I was a product of an affair, so these letters were written to my mother while my father was married with three kids.

I probably shouldn't have read them, but I did. They are full of the typical wayward fogbabble. "I love you and only you." "Just be patient." "Don't give up on me." It goes on and on. I felt quite sick while reading them, though I did find out some things I didn't previously know. My father never came out and said he would leave his wife for my mother (though my mother always said that's what he promised to do). My grandmother was actually talking to my father and asking him if he was going to leave his wife and marry her daughter (my mother) - this is the first I ever knew that my grandmother seemingly supported the affair and expected my father to leave his family. My father wanted me to be a boy. My father was giving my mother money throughout her pregnancy, even before she was awarded an order for child support.

My dilemma is, what to do with the letters? I have a hard time believing my mother actually held on to them for 42 years, but she did. I know I should throw them out. I probably will throw them out. But they are literally the only thing I have of my father and about the only information I am likely ever to have about how I came to be. It's a sad story, but it's my story, and it's the only one I've got.

Should I throw them away?

I've been feeling very down and lonely lately. DS19 is in Arizona right now, staying with a friend and trying to find a job, so I'm alone most of the time with DD5 all day while my husband is at work. Not much UA time happening. We did manage to find a baby sitter once last week, but once a week isn't much. Tried contacting the church we used to go to, but they only gave us the name of one girl, and she's leaving in a couple of weeks for college. Asked MIL to baby sit, and she said she might be able to in March sometime. Great help. She's never been one to baby sit (for us at least, she will baby sit SIL's little girl pretty much whenever she asks). I don't have anyone else. I'm feeling very orphaned and alone, realizing how precious little family I actually have left.

It's just hard right now with not much support or really anyone I can talk to about how I'm feeling.