Hello All.

My story is super long but what I really need is advice on exposure. I've emailed the radio show and agreed to be on the show on Tuesday, but I feel like I need to get this exposure thing done ASAP.

Little background: My WH and I have been together 11 years, married 6.5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and I'm 17 weeks pregnant with our 2nd. My husband was hospitalized for a severe manic and psychotic episode in September-October 2013. He was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Manic with psychotic features. It was a horrific experience for all of us and he blames me for the current state of his life. He is completely unlike himself, is rude to me, says I betrayed him, says he doesn't love me anymore, and a lot of other really mean things. Among the symptoms of bipolar, he is very hypersexual and extra flirty with woman and doing things "just to feel good" like drinking (even though he is on a court order not to drink). He is also not taking his medications as ordered by the court order. The court got involved while he was hospitalized because they felt he was a danger to himself and/or others. He is extremely aggressive in posturing, staring, yelling, and swearing. He doesn't believe he has a mental illness and is having a hard time coming to terms with it.

At the beginning of November, I had a gut feeling and I snooped in his phone. I discovered he had started having an inappropriate relationship with my best friend's husband's sister. This was before I discovered MB. I didn't expose at the time. I confronted him. He denied. I asked him to stop, he said he would and he was sorry. He wouldn't give me access to his phone but I was able to break in several times throughout the last month and have evidence that the affair has continued. In fact, on the 23rd, I GPSd and found him at a hotel with her and kinda went a little nuts myself. He claims the affair has not become a physical affair that would involve being naked or contracting STDS, which I don't necessarily believe.

I asked the OW to stop contact with him, pleading that she did not understand what he was dealing with currently. She denied anything but friendship, although her text messages say different. After I busted them several times, she texted me and said she was done talking to him and she was sorry.

Fast forward to today: My husband is currently being hospitalized again, and I finally had access to his phone to snoop some more and discovered that, of course as suspected, the affair had not ended. He created a new random skype account just so they could have private correspondence so when I was checking his regular skype, it wouldn't appear as though they were communicating. He had texted her as I was driving him to the hospital to be admitted!

OW is living with her ex fiance because her ex feels sorry for her and her 15 year old daughter and has allowed them to stay even though the relationship is over. OW is an alcoholic and get drunk nearly every night and texts WH to go pick her up. She is obviously in a very dark place in her life as well.

OW's immediate family is aware but not doing anything about it. OWs story is that WH is in love with her and I'm the desperate wife who can't let go. She isn't fully aware of his current mental instability and I think pretty ignorant. I want to expose to her daughter, ex-fiance, ex-fiance's parents and other FB friends (ex-fiance's dad is OW and ex-fiance's boss).

I have exposed to many of our friends, but there are sure alot more people I will/can expose to.

My question is: Do you think exposure will work for someone who is currently untreated for a mental illness? I think exposure will work for OW because she has a lot to lose. WH is currently getting treatment and he is still manic so, I can't fully blame his actions, but it doesn't make it okay and he's still denying. I confronted him again today. He said he wanted to see proof that he was lying to me. Will exposure damage my chance to get my healthy husband back?

Do I use the same template as shown in Exposure 101? Do I add that my husband is bipolar and getting treatment?

HELP! I'm so stressed.

You have so many more problems here than just an affair that I would wait to speak to Dr Harley. What a nightmare for you all. So sorry for the reasons that have brought you here.

Thank you, MelodyLane. I figured that would be the case.

So sorry Fancy, for your pain.

While you wait to talk to Dr. Harley I found some clips that Dr. Harley talks about Bi-polar. I hope they might help.

Radio Clip on Bi-polar
Segment #2
Segment #3

My wife had an affair with manic depressed man.
I did expose it (he intercepted my email to his wife) to his family and facebook friends.

He was married to a woman that is a nurse in children's hospital.
She divorced him over this.
I've always wondered, Why was she with this man yhat is an addict, mentally ill and non working?

Personally I think he will just use his mental illness as an excuse

Thank you, BrainHurts. I appreciate you taking the time to do that. I was trying to find info on the website that related to bipolar.

Jedi_Knight, he's in complete denial of his illness at the moment and claims that he is in control and making choices he feels he needs to to "feel good" since his life is so crappy.
So I guess, I'll have to see what happens when he gets more stable if he stays on these meds that he's just started. And, I ask myself that same question: Why is he with this woman who is an alcoholic, has no education or aspirations, and someone he wouldn't normally socialize with?

Ever hear of "affair down"? People don't usually have affairs with people better than them.

Update: Went on the show yesterday. Dr Harley recommended Plan B and to expose as he believes the affair is the "garden variety type". I did ask if I should share that he is bipolar, and I did chose to share it with her side of the exposure because she was telling people that he was in love with her and I was the desperate wife who couldn't let go. I wanted her family and friends to know the whole truth. Most of our family and friends know he is struggling with it already, the affair is a shock to all of them.

My WH is getting new treatment and has been on medication for a few days. I haven't seen him or communicated with him. He apparently hasn't read my PBL. I exposed the affair all day yesterday. It felt good to tell the truth and not live a pretend life anymore.

The OW texted me and said I was childish for "airing out my problems to the world" and she threatened to sleep with my WH to get back at me. She said he didn't love me anymore and that he would have stopped if he did, that he obviously wants to be with her because he's lying and risking his family to see her. I didn't entertain her, just told her I was telling the truth and the truth sets me free.

I talked with the OW ex-fiance's mother, who shared with me that the ex had the OW's belongings moved out of the house recently because she was refusing to move out. His mom told me she was glad that her son was no longer involved with this woman.

Apparently, the OW hasn't shared with anyone that her engagement was broken off 10 months ago, and that she wasn't even living there anymore as of recently since she came home one day to find her belongings moved. Even her family didn't know.

I'm feeling good about Plan B. I'm prepared to do what I need to do to protect myself and my children. The ball is in his court now and we'll see if he returns. Thanks for trying to help!

You have done very, very well Fancy. Take care of yourself and your babies.

As you can see, she's nuttier than a fruitcake. As if having an affair is not childish. Everybody needs a support network in life, especially people who are victims of an affair. She's the last person in the world to be offering life advice.

I heard most of your show yesterday - sounds like you are doing very well following the plan. I suspect you can look forward to some peace and calm and protection now.

Do you have an Intermediary for plan B?

Be sure to let your OB or Midwife know what you're going through, so she can better take care of you and the baby.

But, if you keep to a tight Plan B, you are going to find some relief in the next few weeks. Keep it airtight. Don't let yourself dwell on their drama.

Hi Fancy! I just heard your call and am so glad you got to speak to Dr Harley. I was worried most about your safety so I was reluctant to give you any advice about the affair.

Glad to hear you have exposed the affair. Do you have an intermediary for your Plan B? Have you blocked any avenues of contact from your husband?

Thanks, Prisca and Markos. I appreciate the support.

Yes, I do have an intermediary for Plan B. It is a good friend of ours who lives close by. Her sister has Bipolar so she understands the illness too. She is very supportive of the Plan and is enforcing it. I am blocking his number and getting a pay as you go phone for my daughter so he can call her on that phone.

My OB does know about my husband's condition and she's been regularly checking with. I'm so glad I found this website. Thank you all!!!

Has your IM seen this thread?
IM Training School

You are amazing! I heard your call too, and I admire your strength. Plan B is a great idea. Take good care of yourself and your babies.

Prisca, I've sent to to her already. Thanks!! And, Thank you BlairBluefin, I hope I was able to help someone else too.

You sound so well under the circumstances. Good job on exposure.

Oh believe me, there have been many tears, many days of "should I just give up?", many hours and minutes spent on wondering what the best route is. Dealing with the bipolar disorder and the affair while pregnant has definitely taken a toll on me. I have a wonderful support system and wouldn't be able to do it without all of my friends and family. I am also so thankful for this website. I've read many stories of people who's WS's affairs went on for months and months before they discovered MB and I don't know if I would have been able to handle that. I'm glad to found this website when I did, because oh my gosh, it was a blessing to have a program all laid out and it perfectly fit the situation I was in (except the bipolar disorder), but I felt so ready and prepared to deal with this affair head on. My marriage is worth fighting for and I will do what I can, but now I know if it ends, I gave it 110% and I can walk away feeling like the effort wasn't wasted.