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I am thinking it makes a lot of sense for singles to develop opposite sex activity partner friends with folks they are not very attracted to. For a guy for example, after a while she'd like you so much she'd introduce a friend to you. As a single, making new opposite sex friendships are imho the best strategy to meet lots of new people. I moved to Asia a month and a halve ago and i am trying to integrate into a small community of both locals and expats. Who you know and how you are connected is key in any culture.
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I think my opposite sex friends are the only reason I am able to grow. In my opinion having a variety of men meet needs versus just one while one is dating helps to make sure all the eggs don't get thrown into one basket.
It makes any man I date have to work harder than the next to meet my ENs. He doesn't get to be lazy because it takes effort today. I know my need meeting threshold is higher because I use my guy friends to replenish it ... I like it this way. It protects me, and as long as I don't have my friends meet more than one or two I am safe from falling in love. I get to be in control of this ... it is a great safety mechanism for me.
Last edited by HomeSweetHome; 12/17/13 11:47 AM.
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I couldn't be friends with a man I was really into who didn't feel the same. Too hard on my feelings.
I think your instincts were right. I also think you phrased it to him very cleverly. That's a massive hit of admiration you gave him by saying you liked him too much to be platonic. If he doesn't bite at that piece of bait, it's never going to happen. As usual Indie, you are correct.  I don't like pining for someone with whom I'd had no contact for 6 months. Now that he contacted me, I suppose I can look forward to another six months of recovery that even 2 dozen men cannot heal. Argh! In other news, 2 ex-guys-I've dated: been hanging out a little lately. I think it's the holidays, being single & a bit tired. I know these "friendships" won't last but they are a comfort to each of us. None of us is in the mood to date someone new during the holidays.
"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen
(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
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I don't think it's common for a male-female to pull off a 'just friends' relationship, but I don't think it's impossible. One of my best college buddies is a male. We have known each other and hung out together for years. Never once did I think of dating him and I'm pretty sure he never thought of dating me.
Now I am engaged and my fiance and I attended his wedding. My fiance is fine with us hanging out as a couple with the two of them as a couple. They will be invited to our wedding as well. My fiance is fully aware of friendship. Now that I am to be married I will take great care to only see my college friend as a couple and if at any time my fiance (or his wife) feels uncomfortable with the relationship I am willing to drop it.
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As I've gathered several 'ex-boyfriends' this year (and they tell me their stories), I've come to the conclusion (again!) that it's difficult to be 'just friends.' One or the other usually feels a romantic tug, and sometimes sex is expected.
Case in point, one of my ex-boyfriends told me he was planning to attend an event with a female "friend," and would probably end up sleeping with her (though he didn't want to, he felt it was expected). She tragically died before the event, so it didn't happen, but his story gave me insight into what "friendship" really looks like between males and females.
"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen
(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
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I think it's possible but difficult. This was just being debated on a radio station I listened to the other morning. Lots of guys called in and said they only had female friends that they were interested in sleeping with. Otherwise they would spend their time with someone else. This is very relevant for me right now. I am in the process of creating a new social circle of singles to hang out with. I've been joining a bunch of meet-up groups. It would be interesting to know what the guys were really thinking. Are they just waiting for the right opportunity?
BS-me 35
WXH-37
DS- 3.5 yrs old
DD 2 yrs old
Married for eleven years, together for fifteen
DDay August 2012 Found inappropriate text message
12/7/12 knew for sure he was sexting with men
12/9/12 Partial exposure, and truth about PA's revealed by WH
12/19/12 Full exposure
1/9/13 Plan B
Jan 2013 filed for divorce
1/27/2014 Divorce finalized
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I think it's possible but difficult. This was just being debated on a radio station I listened to the other morning. Lots of guys called in and said they only had female friends that they were interested in sleeping with. Otherwise they would spend their time with someone else. This is very relevant for me right now. I am in the process of creating a new social circle of singles to hang out with. I've been joining a bunch of meet-up groups. It would be interesting to know what the guys were really thinking. Are they just waiting for the right opportunity? I think that's pretty much the consensus: men are efficient and won't waste time if there's no possible "return on investment." Whereas women see the relationship as "the thing," men see it as a means to possibly more. Unless he's gay...which is why I love gay men: no pressure or weirdness. 
"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen
(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
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Women sure do think differently from men.
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Why not? Men and women can build a good friendship.
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