Newest development: I got a few responses to my exposure FB message from her friends/family.

One person told me it wasn't their business

One person got mad at me for "getting other people involved" and said they can't control what their friend does. She also said it takes two to tango and I shouldn't only be blaming her friend. I told her no where in my letter did I say my husband wasn't at fault. I said "they are having an affair", what part of that sounds like its one sided? Then I saw her post on her FB later that she's in the middle of other people's business but it's her fault that she didn't say something sooner.

Another person wrote me back and said "this is FB no one kares about your marriage life". Yes, he spelled cares with a "k". The funny thing is this guy just found out his wife was cheating on him and he's on FB calling her a h** all day long.

So it just goes to show that the company of the OW seem to lack morals and don't respect marriage anyways. Way to go, WH! Stellar company.

In my experience this:



means they knew and feel guilty for being a chicken

this:



Means they knew and actively supported them to "follow their heart". If you recover this dangerous and fanciful person needs to be blackballed.



Sounds like a wayward himself. Often they falsely claim they are the victims of adultery.

Sounds like you did great and rattled the chicken coops of the enablers nicely.

It did feel good. I did get a few apologetic responses today now too. OW's cousin said she would do what she can and expose it to the rest of the family.

My message even got instagrammed by one of the OW friends! Thanks for doing the work for me buddy! More exposure is what it needed. Then it quickly got removed a few hours later. LOL.

It is hilarious that friends of OW are helping you with exposure. You're doing a great job!

Good job

I need strength. Im getting sucked in to the negativity. I just checked our phone logs. I know I shouldn't have looked. *sigh*

I don't even know if he's read the PBL yet. He just hasn't communicated because he told his best friend that I can't not communicate with him and he was going to burn the letter. That I can't make him read it. He hasn't asked to see our daughter through the IM, so I'm sure he's not read the letter.

Today was his first day back to work since 9/16. Hoping for a good day.

How did you guys do it?

I exposed last week and got a similar response. OW's little sister said this isn't OW's fault and I shouldn't blame her. It's appalling how little respect people have for marriage.

I listened to you on the radio show and I have to agree with everyone here about how well you are doing.

The phone logs are horrible! I would get so worked up about the dang phone logs that I made myself sick to my stomach. It's not healthy.

I'm in the same boat, so I can't give you much guidance. I'm thinking of you and your kids. Stay strong for them. I can't even imagine doing this while pregnant, so I'm thinking of you.

Don't look at them! Distract yourself and start thinking about how to plug any potential holes in your Plan.

Cyllanlisa is right. Don't look at the phone logs. You can have your IM save that information for later if it is needed. Plan B is to remove you from the drama and the pain. Read through the thread "How to Plan B correctly" to make sure the holes are plugged.

Also, document everything. Your documentation may be needed later.

Take extra care of you and your babies right now. Are you eating well? Do you have family nearby for extra support?

I'm trying to remember to eat well. :P I have lots of family and his family supports me as well.

After months of hearing, ILYBINIWY, I guess I don't know what to expect. A part of me is hoping that it is the illness, a part of me believes it stems from our issues we had prior to the manic episode. The truth is it's probably both.

I just can't stand to know that he's risking his entire life to be with someone like her, and not even really "be with her". I mean, they only have conversations late into the night after the bar closes and hardly if ever even go out together. I did catch them at a hotel one time, though.
I think I probably exposed it on our side to like 100 people. My WH is pretty popular and has friends in many circles. I didn't expose to his work friends since he was going back to work today after being gone 3 months, and I didn't want there to be tension there since he's irritable from the Bipolar Disorder. I will expose to them once he's been back a while.

Then I start feeling like it's my fault. *sigh*

Thanks for all your support, LifeIsBetter, cyllanlisa and BlairBluefin. I did read How to Plan B Correctly when I set it up. I'll read through it again.

Also, what do you do if WS doesn't read PBL?

Have you seen this?
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Also, what are your self-care plans for the weekend?

During PB self-care is very important. If he breaks your PBL conditions then you have your IM resend him the PBL.

Great advice in the DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT thread. I've been documenting our interactions, but hadn't even thought about documenting everything I do for our DD and the new baby. Thanks, BrainHurts!!

As for self-care, I have a few friends coming over for dinner tonight. Actually, it's WH's best friend from college and his wife. They are coming in from out of town to see his wife's family and wanted to check in on DD and I. I'm going Christmas shopping with a girlfriend Saturday. I have a dinner date with some old co-workers on Sunday. And I have plans for a mini-spa day on Tuesday for a facial, massage and eyebrow wax.

SOOOOOOOo..... WH texted me today to say he wanted to pick up DD tomorrow after her naptime. I responded that he should read the PBL. He stated he would not be making arrangements to see his DD through a third party and that we are adults and should be able to talk like adults about DD and household related items.

I said: Read the letter.

He called and said I was making it impossible for him to see his own daughter and he shouldn't have to go through an intermediary, and he wouldn't. He said if that was the way I wanted it then he just wouldn't see his daughter.

I told him: Read the letter. It explains everything. I'm already breaking my own terms by talking to you but because I know you haven't read the letter, you don't know the terms, so I'm telling you, I will have no contact with you. I will not see you or communicate with you. If you want to see DD, you will do so through the IM. It is up to you to be a responsible father.

He tried to say it was me preventing him from seeing his daughter. He wasn't going to do anything of the sort. He said he was declining to read the letter and that if I had something to share I could tell him.

I said: Read the letter.

He said he's under the impression that I've already made up my mind about the relationship since I exposed it to everyone. That exposing it wasn't going to give me the result I wanted. He said your actions don't indicate to me that you want to be in the relationship anymore anyways (meaning kicking him out and exposing to everyone) He told me that if I changed my mind and wanted my daughter to see her father, he would come pick her up at our house tomorrow.

I said: Read the letter and arrange it through IM.

I hung up on him.

His best friend also told me, WH said he's not going to take the medications. So, looks like I'm headed towards a Plan D folks.

Fancy, change your cell phone number and all other contact information.

Yes Fancy.

When can you change all your contact information?

Yes you can't consider yourself in Plan B until you do this!

Your IM will be ignored while he can reach you/blame you/drive you crazy.

It's like hiring a bouncer but leaving all the back doors open.

I would also make it clear that you don't want to hear any second hand gossip or news of him at all. you are in a dark plan B and mention of him is taboo. Make that clear.

In Plan B the wayward's goal is to disrupt your piece and keep you involved in affair land. He needs you as a victim and blame-holder to keep things going. He also needs the ENs you meet like, FC and co-parenting or the affection implied by jealousy. Tough luck to him.

He'll send notes, he will pass messages through friends, he'll intercept you at places he expects you to be. I heard of one who left a note on the car.

You need to be prepared to plug any and all gaps. Any friend who acts as a messenger must be cut off. Any letters thrown out unread.

If he wants contact, he has the IM. If he doesn't want to use the IM, then I guess he is on his own, now isn't he?

Is your IM trained in keeping it factual?

Ok. Done.

Ive also blocked his number and the other day, I set his emails to bounce back to him and forward to IM.

IM and I have talked extensively about only discussing DD and Finances. I've sent her all the links on this board regarding IM duties. She is aware of her role and willing to follow through exactly as it is set up.

Do people keep up Plan B even after a divorce?