I go to a church, but it is a large church and I really only know a few people there and I have worn out my welcome with regard to my problems. I cannot use them for drop-offs because they are out of the way. I don't know any of the neighbors here - been here one month. I have no friends to speak of, only work acquaintances. As for depression, I am not going to medicate myself into a stupor. I have heard nothing but bad things about antidepressants.

Not yet. I left him a message Saturday but he hasn't returned the call. He is hard to get a hold of and insists on using a basic no-contract phone.

Then you must not be paying attention to Dr. Harley. He strongly recommends antidepressants for those in situations like yours. Antidepressants are lifesavers. They restore a state of normality to your mental state, allowing you to think clearly once again. That is what the medication did for me. I am confident your experience would be the same.

My H was on ADs for some time, due to career stress. He was never medicated into a stupor, nor did they ever cloud his judgment or cause him to feel strange in any way. They balanced out his brain chemicals to bring him up from the extremely negative state he was in. He felt better about life in general and was much easier to get along with, because he viewed life in a more positive way.

I have also been on ADs. They serve to normalize the mood, taking out the extreme bottoms.

You could try Wellbutrin, which has very few negative side effects. If that doesn't help after a couple of weeks, work with your doctor on getting one that WILL work with your particular brain chemicals.

ADs really do help, and they don't have to be forever.

I read a lot on this Forum but rarely post as I do not feel I am expert enough to tell anyone what to do when my life is so messed up.....BUT in case (as I have follow your thread and do know so much about depression and lo loneliness and you are suffering from both.

My heart just goes out to you and I continue to pray for you. I'm not praying for healing of your marriage but healing of you!!!!

So many people on here are giving you great advise but you are doing nothing but wallowing in self pity. Please get to a church, start there, take your girls as people will welcome you. That will be a start in digging out of this hole.

Your life will never change until you take a step to do something. You are waiting for others but that will not work.

Wishing you a better 2014.

I too was concerned that AD's would make me into a passionless zombie and resisted asking for a prescription until about 6-9 months after D-Day.

I didn't feel as triggered or jumpy, but personally didn't feel much benefit, but all my close acquaintances said they noticed an improvement. I was on Lexapro.

You can Choose to stay stuck or start doing something about it. What you are doing right now doesn't seem to be working, does it?

LTL

See, this is what people do when they are depressed. They give excuses and say "I can't" and "yeah, but". They can not think logically only emotionally. (Dr Harley spoke of this on a recent radio broadcast but I can't remember when, I'll link it if I can find it).

AD's will help you think positive and be constructive in finding solutions. I have been on celexa and it did not slow me down or cause any side effects. It kept the "I can't" out of my vocabulary and allowed me to think hopefully.

There are sooo many people here who care for you and are trying to help, but it is difficult when we feel like we are banging our heads against a wall.

Everyone is right and so dead-on in regards to depression, negative thinking and AD's. I take Buspar and Lexapro. Both are non-addictive/non-habit forming, which I like. I feel/act like a zombie when I'm NOT on them. I don't like drugs either, but at least taking them makes me feel human. I can think logically and function instead of crying constantly....sitting and feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self-pity. You want your circumstances to change? You want to get out of this self-destruct mode? No one can do this for you. You have to do it yourself. Please get help and don't drag the garbage from 2013 into 2014. Pledge to make 2014 the best year ever.

I just received this timely e-mail ***EDIT***

Moderators note: Please refrain from printing advice from other web sites or programs on Dr Harley's Marriage Builders site.

The drama continues. I dropped my girls off and 5 minutes later get a text from the xW: "(4 yr old) just told (2 yr old) 'nana and pop-pop don't love us anymore'. What are you telling them?" Then she proceeded to accuse me of brainwashing them and whatever else. I've never said anything of the sort to my kids, and I have no idea where she came up with that. My 4 yr old actually brought them up today because I was staying with them, as you know, and they have a pool. She was talking about going swimming and I said "well, maybe when summer comes we can go visit them and use the pool." How that turned into "nana and pop-pop don't love us anymore" is well beyond my comprehension. Then the xW started complaining that I always blame others for everything and take no responsibility for my actions, blah blah. which might have been more true before I read HNHN and Surviving an Affair. But still, I never blamed her for anything more than she deserved being blamed for, ya know? I screwed up plenty. Anyway, that was my evening and I'm not even angry or upset that she dished that garbage my way. I don't know what is going on in her head any more. She still thinks what she did is right. She has no guilt, no remorse, and if she does she had not let on in the least.

Antidepressants allowed me to coolly and calmly make my life better, even when it required plowing through some very emotional ground.

Antidepressants for numbing normal feelings from being betrayed. I guess I should just "man up" and "deal with it" and "get over it" and "accept it" and all that garbage.

Now my xFIL apparently isn't talking to me. Looks like he has accepted his daughter's adultery and the fact that my little girls are now in danger of abuse - the POSOM has a son who is approaching puberty. I cannot guarantee I will keep my **** together if something happens to my girls. I can tell you I am never going to "get past this", with antidepressants or without.

Thats unfortunate that the exFIL may be accepting her adultery.

Its possible hes just not calling you back and might not necessarily mean hes approved of her though.

But the last time he visited he shaked OM hand, so he may not be as strong a Christian father as you thought.

He has gone a couple weeks without calling because he has been sick or really busy. He did shake the POSOM's hand, but he said he didn't know who it was at first. After he found out, he ignored him and didn't say a word to him. There were a few other people there as well, so the confusion is understandable.

My 4 1/2 year old is still getting very sad when I drop her off on Sundays. She cries when I leave.

Im sorry to hear that your 4 yr old is having a hard time.

I think it is probably worse than I even think it is. Even though the xW denies any brainwashing, my 4 year old won't even mention the POSOM's name around me.

Do you have the kids this weekend?

I have them every Friday night and Saturday, and every other Sunday as well. Not enough. I need to see them every day, tuck them in to bed every night. I almost lost it on the train home this evening because I miss them so much.

Do you take them to church on Sundays?

Blindsided,

Have you considered suggesting to your wife that you would like to take the kids to some xxx event which (oh so coincidentally) falls in her custody timeframe?

She may be up for the night "off" and that might get you more time with your kids?

You could do this every once in a while and gradually increase in frequency.