Ok, sounds good.

Do you think I should have said anything to OW when she sent me the FB message that they broke up? I was inclined to tell her to stay the hell away from my family, but quite sure she would never listen. Plus, I didn't really want to give any attention to the self-serving POS.

Communicating with OW is a waste of time. Obviously, her FB message is not sincere. I fell for a similar ruse when OWH "forced" her to send me an apologetic email. My husband knew all about it because they were still talking on the phone and emailing daily. Duh, me.

You are getting great advice here. At this time, your husband is not serious about recovery.

AM

It sounds like your WH was testing you. I'm sorry that he was not serious. I had been through the same thing. A serious repentant man would jump to do the the things you require of him in appreciation of a second chance.

I also second not contacting OW. All I got was lies when I did.

Do you have an IM?

Thanks armymama & RQ.

My friend said the same thing. WH should be happy to do anything I ask. Yes, I have an IM.

This happened to me Christmas 2011.
My wife (who had left and lived with OM for a week) returned and claimed they broke up.
I insisted on a NC letter....she instead wrote a love letter. She refused to follow the letter in Dr Harleys book.
Then OM wife texted me and said that they were still in contact.....

Do not let him move in until he is completely willing to follow Dr Harleys program.
Otherwise you will be miserable! Because its one thing to have a spouse move out and carry on a affair. Its quite another when they do it while in the home!

His behavior is absolutely disgraceful.
Just stay in Plan B.

Sorry to hear what you've been dealin with, LIB. My WH also came back around Christmas to say he was ready to commit to our marriage but wouldn't do any of the EPs like changing his phone number/email or disclosing about the affair. Back into Plan B.

You can do it!

On Saturday morning I woke up extremely frustrated with this situation. I told WH at Christmas that he ruined 2013 for us and I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to carry this into 2014. So I decided to break Plan B and show up at WH's apartment. If OW was there with him then I'd demand the divorce papers in front of them and tell them both they are scum. If she wasn't there I just planned to tell WH to get his crap together or I will file the papers this week. I had to bring DD with me which wasn't ideal, but I knew I could keep my cool no matter what.

So I got there about 10 AM and he just buzzed me in - didn't even ask who was there. OW was not with him. I told him DD wanted to say hello and allowed myself to check out the apartment (I had never been there before). There were several mementos sitting around from OW. A couple paintings she did for him - one of them together and one of WH & DD together. I asked him why he still has this stuff sitting around if they "broke up"? He said he hasn't taken the time to get rid of anything because he is so depressed and just tries to sleep when he is home. There was also a collage of photos OW made of WH & DD with some quote on there about "family". WTF! This chick is psycho. So I took all this stuff and threw it in the corner of his room with a bunch of boxes he never unpacked since we moved. I tried to pack it up for the dumpster, but he wouldn't let me. So he was crying most of this time and asking if we could hangout as a family that day. I told him we could if he went to get a new phone number and we would discuss the other EPs. I was there about 15 minutes.

Later in the afternoon he text me from his new phone number and asked to come over. When he arrived he told me he had met with OW again and told her it was over for sure. He said, "I told her that I've never been this depressed in my life, I don't have any friends left, my family is upset with me, and BW & DD don't deserve any of this." I asked him if he gave her all her crap back and he said she stormed out saying he would never hear or see her again, so he didn't have a chance to give anything back to her.

We talked about canceling FB, changing email address, and sending NC letter. I'm going to help him switch his email over, but I asked him to get rid of anything from OW on there first. He blocked her on FB, but we plan to cancel both of our accounts. We are writing the NC letter tonight and hope to mail it tomorrow.

He asked me to set up marriage counseling, but I told him I want us to do Dr. Harley's program. I noticed it's majorly discounted right now. Is that a common sale?

You need to watch his actions not his words. What actions has he DONE to prove to you that he's ready to do the work?

Oh LIB, I feel your pain. I decided to go back into Plan B instead of helping WH do everything he's suppose to. He's an adult. He should be able to do everything you ask on his own. My WH said all the right things, but when it came down to it the hesitation in doing all EPs without major encouragement just wasn't enough. You do have to protect yourself. I've been back in Plan B for 3 days and it actually feels really good. If WH meant it, he would do everything without question. Actions always speak louder than meaningless lies. Good luck. Take good care.

Why did you break Plan B?

Brain - He has done much more than he did right before Christmas. He changed his phone number, canceled FB & Snapchat, changed email address, wrote NC letter that I sent, GPS on his phone and has been spending all his free time with DD & I. I am very happy with the progress we have made the past few days.

Prisca - I agree it wasn't the greatest idea to break Plan B. I was just frustrated that day and sick of the waiting game. I'm glad I went there because now I know the things from OW that he needs to get rid of.

So are you back in Plan B?

He is still getting his ENs met by 2 women. He's stringing you along. You need to get back into Plan B and don't break it until you've come to the board and inform the board. We will guide you on what to do.

No, I'm not in Plan B. I've seen him everyday since he changed his phone number and began meeting all the other EPs. He has been NC with OW since Saturday.
What should I do different?

How are you confirming NC?

Since he's been in contact with OW since Saturday. Is he changing his contact information again?

Have you seen him throw all the mementos out?

I have the passwords for Verizon and email. He still works overnights, but GPS shows he is at work. When I'm at work during the day GPS shows he is at my apartment.

I may have worded that wrong. I meant he has been "no contact" with OW since Saturday, meaning he talked with OW on Saturday and said it was over. She stormed out - according to him. Then he went to Verizon to change his phone number. Since then we changed email address and canceled FB/Snapchat.

He hasn't thrown mementos out yet. He went back to his apartment for clothes on Sunday, but he hasn't been there since. He slept on my couch Saturday night and has been with me when we aren't working. I think getting rid of that stuff will be a goal for this weekend.

Just making an update because I think you all expected a False Recovery and everyone was correct. I quit updating my thread because I knew things weren't going according to Dr. Harley's plan and we weren't making progress at all. I still believe in Dr. Harley's methods and I'm happy I gave xWH a last chance to save our marriage. Unfortunately, he wasn't enthusiastic about the EPs and starting Harley's program. We are now divorced and I am at peace with the decision. I actually feel like I am back in control of my life and it feels great.

One part of NC at the beginning of our FR was changing his phone number and email address. What I didn't know is that OW could still send him an iMessage via his old email address because that was his Apple ID. I'm not sure if people also have to change their Apple ID to prevent that from happening. I could maybe ask over on Operation Investigate.

Anyway, he lived with me and DD for two months while keeping contact with OW. We did a weekend family trip and a trip to Vegas for our 5th wedding anniversary (Note: Vegas is a horrible idea for 'reconnecting'. I sort of expected that, but it was a cheap flight and someplace warm. It was pointless since we were in FR.) I think he would have been just fine living a double life forever. Waywards are unbelievable.

I plan to be single for quite awhile. The thought of dating terrifies me. I am happy to be off the roller coaster.

Thanks to everyone for your help and advice!

I'm sorry.
Dr. Harley would probably encourage you to have no contact with him.
Are you in no contact?

LifeIsBetter, wish you and your DD all the best!

Are you communicating with him? Are you using an IM?

Is he paying CS?

Sorry it had to end like this. How is your self-care going?