So glad that you're receiving some support.

How is your UA time?

UA time has been good especially having two weeks off from work. We have one date night out each week and go for walks and have talks as well as plenty of SF. We will need to plan better with tax season coming up for me. 😄

Dr. Harley recommends sitting down on a Sunday and s scheduling out your UA time.

Can you do this?

Yes. I think that would be a good habit to start! Thanks.

Email my husband sent to his sister. He never sent the letter he wrote last May when all heck broke loose.

Sister,

I wanted to send you this email to explain to you why I made the decision to have no contact with you over the last year. This was my decision; I was not influenced by My wife in any way other than that I love her and want to be the husband she deserves.

I believe marriage is a life long commitment, for better or for worse. Why even say those vows if you don't believe it? Over this past year I have figured out that love is not a feeling, rather, it is an act. If you truly love someone than you show that love by figuring out what their emotional needs are and doing what you can to meet those needs. You do that because you want them to be happy, you are putting them first. In return, they do the same and you both become happy together. An affair is nothing more than a selfish act. You don't feel like your needs are being met by your spouse so you find someone that seems to meet those needs instead. It's all about you and what you feel like you deserve. You don't have any regard for the pain and suffering you will cause your spouse who trusts that you love them. I've also figured out that people can change. You have to change for this to work, both people have to change.

I have also come to realize that I wasn't the man I wanted to be. I wasn't the Christian role model I wanted to be for my kids. I was basically a hypocrite and phony. I am sorry that I wasn't strong enough to turn away when the opportunity presented itself. I am sorry that while I was trying to be a good influence to you and your situation, I let you influence me. While I understand that I am fully responsible for my decision to have an affair, you were a catalyst and encouraged me in many ways.

One change I have made is to put my wife and family first. That means that I will not put myself or my wife in a position that will threaten our marriage. You have said many things since this has happened to prove to me that you do not respect my wife, our marriage, or marriage in general. The result of this is that I can not have a relationship with you right now.

Although our family will never be the same again because of my selfish decision and your role in it, there is a chance that we can all be together again at some point. I have repented and asked forgiveness from my wife, my kids, and my family at church. This is something we deal with every single day. People can change despite what you may think. They just have to want to. Our relationship can continue if you can understand my position to put my family and my wife first. If you accept my wife as a part of this family, admit that you were wrong for encouraging me and sincerely apologize to my wife and me for your role in the affair. If this is not possible for you than I regret to say that there will be no relationship between us. Again, I am sorry I was not strong enough but these are the consequences of our actions. The future of our relationship is up to you.

With love,

And SIL's response:

Brother, I understand your need to do what was important to you and what was good for your marriage and relationship with God and family and I applaud you for it. I am glad that you are/have learned what it all means and I am truly happy for you and your wife. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I nor anyone else thought you were. I also wanted us to have a close brother/sister relationship so I was selfish in my actions. I felt we've never really had what it could be due to jealousies, personalities and/or insecurities of others.

I do apologize for my role in your marital issues and the persuasion I had. (I should have went into sales..guess I would have done well ha.) I should have never gotten involved but I'm not gonna say I shouldn't have supported you once you made such a decision. Right or wrong I would have and did support you and did what you wanted me too.
I will apologize to your wife for my role so that we may again be able to at least speak at family holidays. She has stepped up to the plate like none other and supported you and her marriage and gone to great lengths to make changes for you and for that I am very impressed.

I have major issues over your betrayal of me to my husband. I read the emails and know of the discussions. I did not expect you to lie as your not that type of person but you could have just said you didn't want to get involved. That I had confided in you but that he needed to take that up w me. Not give details and hurt that person unnecessarily!! Who does that!? I certainly never thought my brother. My husband did not deserve my actions because he has been nothing but a wonderful husband and I myself am learning but you should have never been the one to betray my trust and confidence in you. Never again will I feel I could come to my brother with my inner most feelings.

Again, I am truly happy for you both and hope your relationship continues to grow.

Love always
Your sister

We are debating on whether to send a response to her specific points or just tell her that she doesn't get it and we won't see her and leave it at that. I feel she won't hear the truth from anyone else- FIL, MIL or friends. We are the only ones who seem to hold her accountable.

At least hubby sees her for who she truly is!

Thoughts on our response?

I would not respond at all. There is no point in debating with a wayward mindset like that.

Should we respond and at least tell her we are keeping NC? Otherwise she'll probably think we are okay with seeing her. I don't want that.