We are doing well, thanks. The kids wanted to go to the trial, but because of the nature of the evidence like the 911 calls, medical examiner findings, we decided as a family to take them to the sentencing hearing instead.

My boyfriend and my ex have both been a great support through a difficult time. They both had different days they could take to come to the trial so we wouldn't have to go alone. My boyfriend has a 16 year old who lives out of state, that I haven't met yet, but hopefully will in time. My kids totally adore my boyfriend, and he thinks they're awesome too. We're really similar in parenting style, when we do disagree we are good at finding the solutions we both like. My favorite saying is "there are no bad answers here." Because like it says with the thoughtful request article, if something isn't working, you just go back and try something else.

I read HNHN for Parents years ago and so if they are having a rough time with anything, like trouble keeping up with homework, the solution is always the same, to make sure we get in that 15 hours FC time. I haven't run into anything that time together to address the issue didn't fix. They usually just forget they can ask for help, just like me lol.

I just want to say, not aware of the whole story but I am so sorry about the loss of yr dad, but glad to read that they found the people that did it. May you now find some peace and remember the good times with yr dad. <3

Thanks Luly, I'm glad you are getting a lot of good memories with your loved ones too.

I have really awful news and really happy news. I was out sick last week so I didn't get to post at the time here, my boyfriend's mom passed away suddenly. It came as a big shock because she was going in for a routine procedure she'd gone in for several times before. Impacted bowel. But this time, her heart stopped. She had just celebrated her 76th birthday. My boyfriend and his family are doing okay under the circumstances.

And then the happy news. My boyfriend had planned to propose for my birthday, what a surprise! I had been sick all week, but was better enough to go to the beach Saturday. The water was warm enough, we even went for a swim. We had dinner, and then after dinner went to sit on the sand again, and he proposed, it was so beautiful. And I said yes! We told the kids when they came back yesterday, they were so happy too!

Wow, congrats, Ned! You have brought MB to this relationship, right? Is he on board with the concepts?

Sorry to hear about his mom. Please forgive me for this off-color comment, but I can't help but think, hey, no mother-in-law! I'll go flog myself now...I am totally going to hell.

For a second marriage you should seriously consider having MB principles, specifically the Policy of Joint Agreement as part of your marriage contract

Congrats Ned, that's great news!!!

He's one of those folks who is just naturally on board with the concepts, making thoughtful requests instead of demands, respectful persuasion instead of DJs, brainstorming and coming back to it later instead of AOs. I have never seen him get angry. There are always things that happen that aren't what we would have picked, but he has a great attitude and doesn't let stuff upset him, just problem-solves what we can and lets go of the rest. You know I had issues with all that old programming, but I've had a lot of practice eliminating my LBs before I met him. So that has been blessedly easy.

I think the thing that's furthest from how society lives today is that for most folks today, the first big step toward commitment, after agreeing not to date others, is moving in together. And I'd BTDT and saw how living together before a commitment brought a renter's agreement into my first marriage, and I shared with my boyfriend how I felt about that. It meant a lot to me to see what a man of character he is, that he didn't push me to believe differently.

cwmi, I understand what you're thinking, I had a difficult love-hate roller coaster relationship with my first MiL. My fianc�'s mom and I had really hit it off well, though, and I know she would have approved.

Hi HDW, I seen in your sig line you're in alanon, I'm a grateful member too I'm not planning a marriage contract, but I totally agree about POJA and we're both real naturals at that.

Thanks tc for the congratulations!

congrats NED.

Sorry tot your boyfriend's loss.

Also belated

Thanks brain for the congratulations!

Hi NED, I just saw your thread -

So sorry about your Dad, but glad they were convicted.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!


You've been such an inspiration to me and so kind, even with everything you were going through. Thank you.

- Z

NED,

I just read that they were sentenced. Life without parole for one.

I hope you're ok?

Thanks Z, I could relate to so much you were going through. Even though my marriage didn't make it, using the tools I learned here every day in my family makes me really comfortable that I can leave a different legacy with my kids, that they will have the skills they need if they decide to get married one day.

Yes Brain, what a relief for this to be over! The sentencing was yesterday, the gunman got life in prison without possibility of parole, plus 42 years, and the getaway driver got 21 years in prison plus 3 years probation, because he had testified against the gunman. The judge said this crime, killing a postal carrier for his Arrow key to make tax fraud easier, was the most heinous case he had seen in his 21 years as a federal judge.

My daughter was one of the folks who addressed the judge, to tell him about the kind of man my father was, I'm proud of her.

Wow what a brave DD. What a proud moment, in a such an awful situation.

Thanks for sharing.

Sad to say I broke it off with my fiancee. I had some doubts earlier this year, and I had asked him to move out in February, and then to move back in in July. My doubts were centered around his disconnect with his DS17 in another state. I looked the family up, gave him the information, he reached out and they got back in touch. But DS got in some trouble in October, and my fiancee L wasn't really following up and it had me concerned, our values must be really out of line. I would bring up my concerns and L would half address them. More to come�.

I'm sorry you are hurting right now. I have to say that I am so proud of you in making this difficult choice.

Hugs.

Thanks blue! So then last month, I found out that L hadn't filed for divorce until October 2012, after he had proposed, and the divorce hadn't gone through until November 2012. I went to him with this, and kept giving me stories, said it was a misunderstanding, and was sorry. But never admitted to lying.

I imagine it hurt to hear him "explain" it away like that. Lying is not a mis-understanding. Especially after everything you have already been through.

Take heart, sweetie. You are in the right. And you deserve better than this. Especially someone who will be open & honest with you.

So sorry NED. It hurts to be lied to, but glad you're strong enough to see it.

Is there a reason you chose to live together before marriage? Have you read what Dr. H says about living together before marriage?

Is he out of your place now?

Another question NED. What was it that your mom said a year ago about your fiance?