Moreover, my initial post concerns the overwhelming urge to visit pain/suffering upon these dirt-bag OM in light of the pain/suffering they've caused me. I'll be dealing with the images and turmoil for the foreseeable future. How can I allow such violations to go unanswered?..
We all have instincts and desires in life that are best left unacted upon. I would suggest that this is one. If you do anything to him, you will only increase your resentment. Plus you run the risk of facing legal consequences. And if you are wanting to recover your marriage, this will probably eliminate your chances.
I suggest you become familiar with the plan Dr. Harley describes for recovery. He has seen this work for thousands of couples. My suggestion is that you try following the steps he suggests - and after you've been doing that for awhile, then see how you feel.
If your wife continues to see the OM and continues to work this job, I am certain that you are going to continue to feel bad. And even if you retaliate against the other man, you will continue to feel bad. Our goal here is to help you achieve happiness in life - that's going to be part of recovery for you.
If you follow your feelings and instincts, like most people you'll find that your feelings and instincts are very good at thinking logically about your long term welfare. We want to help you think logically and strategically so that you can build a happy life and recover from the trauma you have been through.
