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It would be very helpful to see for those of us offering our advice Okay, here it is, with names redacted: xW:
<4yr old> just told <2yr old> "Nana and pop pop don't love us anymore." Are you freaking kidding me? Are you trying to screw them up in the head or what???Me:
Whaaaat. I never said anything like that.
Trust me, they'll be screwed up enough with everything you've done without me telling them anything.xW:
A 4 year old can't make that up. Me:
I didn't say that
She mentioned them and swimming, and I said maybe when summer comes we can goxW:
You are so quick to blame me for everything. Me:
But nothing like that xW:
They will only be screwed up if you continue to feed them BS Me:
But I don't. By the way, I haven't been brainwashing them to keep secrets like you have.
I'm sorry, who committed adultery again?
But I made you do thatxW:
Brainwash? Hardly. I only told <4yr old> that one time not to mention where she got the stuffed animal because I didn't want her to mention <POSOM> and then have to flip out and get mad at her. That was the only stuffed animal in my car and she started crying because I told her not to take it.Me:
She shouldn't even be getting stuffed animals from strange men that are not her father.xW:
Umm he's not a strange man and he didn't get it for her. One of his kids let her play with it and I didn't even know it was in the car Me:
But you've got your worldly friends to tell you that it's okay to cheat and divorce and as long as the kids are little they will adjust.
He doesn't belong in their lives
And you know that xW:
Do you think you're God and that you're perfect and you do nothing wrong and you can just place blame on everyone but yourself?Me:
Not at allxW:
No I don't know that...Me:
I've got plenty of blame to accept
But adults talk to each other and work through things, especially when there are childrenxW:
You can't take any blame without pointing your fingers right back at me in the same breath Me:
Recall our past conversations and you'll remember that you did that very thing to me over and over.I usually do not even get suckered into a conversation with her because it always turns into this kind of thing, but I don't take kindly to unfounded accusations.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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I think you did very well in your repsonses
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Thanks. I thought I might have unleashed too much since I have been dark unless it pertains to exchanging the girls. As you can see, she is still combative toward me. What do you think of her responses?
I still don't know why my 4 yr old said that.
This doesn't get any easier, especially when she looks as good as she did tonight.
Last edited by BlindsidedNM; 01/12/14 10:55 PM.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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You could eliminate the text exchanges and use an email IM
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I wouldn't mind getting opinions of her responses, especially from people who were in her position before they emerged from the fog. Are there many of those people on here?
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Yes there are many former wayward spouses on here
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Yes there are many former wayward spouses on here I guess none of them like commenting.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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My opinion: these kind of exchanges are pointless and detrimental. You are in Plan C, which will get you nowhere. Go to Plan B and stop dwelling on the foggy thinking of an active wayward.
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I have no choice whatever plan this is called. Are you a former wayward?
Last edited by BlindsidedNM; 01/13/14 05:59 PM.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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I think Prisca is trying to explain that you might be in Plan C for "Plan Confusion." Dr. Harley discusses "PLAN C"
W (me) - 40 H - 44 M 15 years, 2 kids
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I don't really have a choice in this whole thing and I never have. I can't do a Plan B at all - I have to talk to the xW, and I only do so through text and only when it pertains to the schedule with our girls. How am I supposed to do a Plan A? She divorced me. Everyone around me has said "Just accept it", including the "friend" who used HNHN and SaA to rebuild his marriage and was telling me what to do when, which I believe was bad advice. He is no longer speaking to me, either, by the way. I think he got tired of my situation dragging on too long, and he expected me to "move on". There is no "moving on" for me. I guess I am one of those few people who believes that marriage vows mean something.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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If you want to win her back, go to Plan A however you need to see a doctor for depression because you won't be able to do it in your current state.
If you want to follow Dr Harleys advice, go to Limited Contact. you CAN do a limited type of Plan B by eliminating texting and using an Email IM. You can do curbside pick up/ drop offs.
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I don't really have a choice in this whole thing and I never have. I can't do a Plan B at all - I have to talk to the xW, and I only do so through text and only when it pertains to the schedule with our girls. How am I supposed to do a Plan A? She divorced me. Everyone around me has said "Just accept it", including the "friend" who used HNHN and SaA to rebuild his marriage and was telling me what to do when, which I believe was bad advice. He is no longer speaking to me, either, by the way. I think he got tired of my situation dragging on too long, and he expected me to "move on". There is no "moving on" for me. I guess I am one of those few people who believes that marriage vows mean something. Everyone in Plan B has these issues. You use an IM to communicate. You seem to be ignorant as to what Plan B actually is. It is the solution for the situation you are in.
me-65 wife-61 married for 40 years DS - 38, autistic, lives at home DD - 37, married and on her own DS - 32, still living with us
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Plan A. Plan B. I am getting conflicting advice. Why is this woman still so mad at me and feel the need to blame me for everything?
I had a very long conversation with the xFIL last night. There was a good explanation for not having talked to him before Christmas - I had been getting worried that he decided to jump on board the POSOM train like everyone else, but there was a phone issue. Anyway, he is still not approving of this guy. The y were up for Christmas and the POSOM showed up for dinner and he said nothing to him. POS only stayed for about 45 minutes, I guess.
I reconnected on Facebook with a girl I knew from high school and who I was in a band with after high school. We had a nice talk just now and I told her my situation - she is divorced as well and we had some stuff in common. I showed him the POSOM's Facebook page and she wasn't impressed. I did notice that he had posted a picture of my xW's car, and some comment about "I do love me some white girl" (He is hispanic). I got a little peeved at that and had my baseball bat fantasies play through my head.
I really don't know what to do any more. I am neck deep in bizarro world and I just want the credits to roll.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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No conflicting advice. Dr Harley advised you to have no contact with her
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Actually if you remember the show, he advised Plan A. It was my friend who advised Plan B.
If you want me to be honest, my gut has been telling me that Plan A would be the better option, but it it hard when she is constantly attacking me - and still seeing the POSOM.
Last edited by BlindsidedNM; 01/14/14 10:51 PM.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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No, sir. I listened to your call. As I recall, he advised Plan B...
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I only suggested Plan A because you refuse to go into no contact with her
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I can't do no contact as I have explained many times. It is never going to happen, unless I win the lottery and can suddenly afford a personal assistant.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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Also, the POSOM is acknowledging her on his Facebook page. I am not liking what that might mean.
Nothing changes. I am stuck in hell. Every day is the same and I can't escape.
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