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Absolutley correct. But MB sort of leaves out a solution if both spouses fail to embrace the plan.
Actually it does not. If a spouse refuses to engage in recovery, the offered solution is Plan B and/or divorce. I don't know of any program that claims to be able to force someone to participate in a program against their will. [maybe voodoo?]
15 hours of UA time? It's not reasonable that EVERYONE has the exact same minimum. We do just fine with less, but certainly feel the difference if it drops below 8 or so. But that is what works for US.
But this is an anecdote only based on your own personal experience. You can't speak for others and have no professional background. This minimum is not lightly discerned, but comes from years of trial and error by Dr Harley when he was in active practice. Dr. Harley gives couples tests to discern the level of romantic love in their marriages. You can disagree all you want, but you have no basis on which to make such a claim since you have only worked on ONE couple, not many.
As someone who is in a romantic marriage [established by the tests given by Marriage Builders] my H and I can tell the difference when we drop below 15 hours and so can others when they are in love.
DW works in the same field that led to her other affairs but it's working out great. She knew my concerns and has opened up to me about the working environment. It's like you would expect a hospital to be. Lots of flirting or worse. The difference now is she sees it for the destructive gross behavior that it is and it makes her sick to her stomach that she once participated in it.
Unfortunately, that "difference" will not prevent her from having another affair. She was tempted to have an affair before and will be again. Even the dumbest wayward knows how to express "remorse" but it does nothing to prevent another affair. Most alcoholics feel "sick" and "disgusted" when they get in trouble for their last drunk. But the sting soon wears off and they are back drinking again. And your wife won't tell you when that happens. She is the equivalent of the alcoholic who goes to the bar every day. It is just a matter of time.
Mindmonkey, folks on the forum are very encouraging, but they are not enablers. In your case, no one who really cares about the outcome of your marriage would "encourage" you to cut corners as you have. Your problem with the forum is that the folks here won't tell you what you WANT to hear, but told you what you NEED to hear. You like the other place because they told you what you WANT to hear. They will help you cut corners because they don't give a damn about your marriage.
And that is all fine and good. I have already saved my marriage and if you don't want to avail yourself of the great advice you received that is your prerogative.
