What do you mean, he has had sexual interactions with minors online?

Do you know that child pornography is a felonious crime?

I would make that one of the questions.

I don't understand why you are so dismissive of this reported behavior

He already admits to an excessive level of drinking and has crashed a vehicle. I don't think you need to waste a question on admitted and known alcohol use.

Honestly I think you are better off spending money to speak to a lawyer. Your WH is so messed up, it is hard to imagine any kind of recovery where you will be safe and also not have to babysit him for the rest of his life. You do understand that if you decide to stay in this marriage, you will literally have to babysit him for life..and even then he can (and likely will) still continue to do all these disgusting things because he knows you won't leave.

If you want the poly to put your mind to rest about sexual contact with other women and children during marriage, I can understand that but I really don't see how you can have a healthy relationship with this guy. Either you will have to be a parole officer 24/7 or you will have to accept this is your life/marriage, worry yourself sick (or deceive yourself) and suffer through it...people have mental breakdowns living a life like this. You do understand this, no? And then there is no one to protect your children and teach them right from wrong. Your WH is not a good father or man.

I hope you really think about what you are in for by staying in this marriage and the risks that you are putting your children in...and I am not talking about him possibly having sexual contact with your children. He can harm them in many other ways.

You have not said anything about exposure to your family so I assume you still have not exposed and are hiding even the infidelity portion. What are you waiting for? Exposure can bring great relief to a BS...no longer suffering in silence and getting needed support.

Did you book the poly with the cash guy for next week?

She should do the poly because the results may help her get custody

I agree

Well what I mean is that he has admitted that in the past he would visit social game type websites that really overall in my opinion attracted teens, and would have sexual chats, I don't believe he has sought out minors specifically and not child porn or anything.

Have you considered contacting Dr. H? When WH spoke to him, he was lied to and doesn't have the recent details. I have a hard time believing he would advocate you staying in the same house given the latest disclosures.

Well if hes talking about sex in a chat room with minors dont you thibk its possible that some pictures were posted and viewed?

I've thought about it, but I really just want the poly so I know how I feel after. I can imagine that I will feel all done with it if he fails, but I won't know until it happens, and if he passes, I think I might want to work it out, but maybe I won't?

If I want to work it out, idk, I know what dr Harley will likely say.

Well of the sites I know about, there is not that capability but certainly it it possible they could also exchange emails or something and share pictures. That he denies but if course that is his word.

I know for sure about the game thing bc we lived apart for a few months for job reasons, and we were playing together in a room and I received a very sexual message from him that was definitely not intended for me.

And as far as I know this stopped a few years ago....he had bad internet issues for awhile, has stopped, and has new issues I guess.

Question:

Are text messages something that a judge looks at for divorce/custody stuff....and could it be done without getting him in legal trouble if so?

That's why you need to focus on retaining a lawyer and talk with them first. They'll advise you what you can do legally. They may even tell you that a personal polygraph isn't admissible in any legal proceeding. One thing I do know that's legal is to get yourself and children away from him, then figure out what's really going on.

I know you feel awful.

I just need to add that two year olds can remember things that happened to them.

They are conscious and aware of language. They are people.

That the child never turned him in doesn't mean it didn't stick in their mind and affect them lifelong.

Do you have any of this still saved somewhere?

Start to save all and everything.

Blackbirdfly, It seems your biggest priority is protecting him...
In that case, I suggest you just follow the example of the ostrich and bury your head and pretend he is just a normal guy with normal behavior.

But to answer your questions, if a judge deems children at risk he/she WILL refer the matter to law enforcement or social services.
In my divorce case, the court ORDERED the county children services to investigate my family because the court had reason to be concerned.

But I can tell you right now....if he gets involved with exchanging naked pics with minors, etc its probably just a matter of time before the local cops or FBI bust down the door. Hopefully by then you changed your focus from protecting him to protecting your children

You better hope the cops get him before an angry father of a teenage girl he's been sexting with gets a hold of him....

Really?

Let's pretend for a moment you don't care about your rapist housemate. Let's pretend for a moment that you don't care about protecting your own children. Let's pretend for a moment that you don't care about any of the other children this guy has harmed.

Do you care about yourself? Even a little bit?

Helping him hide his FELONIES makes you an accessory to CRIMES. Not to mention any of a host of failure to protect charges you yourself may face.

Do you realize how much trouble YOU may be in if you don't take steps to protect the innocent, and fast? If you don't care enough to protect them for their own sakes, do you care enough to protect them for yours???

BB, how are you today? Have you been able to read what others have posted? What is happening?

My heart goes out to you because I honestly remember how horrendous I felt after finding out about the affair and can't imagine what you are going through.

Praying for strength for you. I think you know what you have to do, please do not be afraid, you are helping potential victims if you do not do the right thing!

We had a pretty intense discussion today. I am just so mad at how screwed up everything is. I have made some pretty solid decisions finally...which I'm sure most of you won't agree with...but it's the best I can do.

We still have not managed to get ahold of the examiner, will try tomorrow and if not the other guy will have to do, and will figure out payment.

I do not consider us together. I have decided not to ask him to leave the house because of the kids. I know it is hard to believe, but he really is a good and involved father. Not seeing him would be a huge hole in their lives. For that reason, divorce is not an option until our ten year old goes to college. I just do not want to split custody or deny them their dad. I do believe he is not interested in kids, and has not hurt a child during our marriage. I am confirming with the polygraph.

I don't believe he is interested in really changing. He admitted to spiking my drinks last night, I didn't even ask...he just told me, I asked when the last time was...he said last week. So yes, we are a mess. He will not be sleeping near me for sure.

I am verifying there has been no sex with others for my health, nothing with kids for my kids and all kids safety, and finding out about all of his drinking again for safety. That is really all I need to know from him.

He actually had started to get upset with me for asking him to recall too many details from a year and a half ago...god I was so angry...it's like he refuses to change who he is.

We had a bit of a blow up there, then he said he was going to find a counselor and go next week, he's going to contact dr Harley etc....I didn't even answer him. I am completely done with the marriage unless and until he can prove that real change has happened. I am ok with living in the same household for the kids. Maybe we will eventually go to a slow transition of not being together, I don't know. But as long as we can get along and I know he is keeping his hands off of me I can deal.

I know this is probably absolutely ridiculous to many, most, or all of you...and not sure if you all want more updates but I appreciate the help you have given me. I have certainly opened my eyes a lot more to what a trainwreck my marriage has been...