What do you drive to pickup your date in?

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the encouragement! Speaking of friend zoning, I just finished talking to SUSAN. We're going to hang out tomorrow night as friends once I'm done with my date with AMY. And Sunday I'm hanging out with KELLY who I briefly dated but friend zoned in a previous round last year. Contrast is good and I kind of like having female friends while I'm single. I'm ok with that going away once I'm not though.

black-raven - I'm only matching her on the texting; she's been texting me on and off throughout. She's an interesting lady... who may be a bit much in person.

Jedi - What do I drive? My super sweet dad mobile... a 2014 Honda Accord Sport. Nice car but not impressing anyone.

Two updates:

I ended up talking with SUSAN on the phone instead of hanging out with her yesterday afternoon. The reason she wanted to see me was because she wanted me to know she hasn't been truthful with me; the reason I was friend zoned was because she was seeing someone else she was getting serious with. I congratulated her and chatted for a bit before I let her go.

My date with AMY was really nice. I picked her up at her place and we went to grab some coffee prior to going to the art museum. We had previously both decided to nix ice skating due to how bad the weather had been recently. We sat and talked for a bit, went to the museum and then she accepted my invitation to an early dinner before her plans later that evening.

I personally had a really good time! We spent most of the afternoon/evening talking about just about everything from family to music. The conversation rarely flagged and I found her opinions/observations fascinating. I think we have a reasonable amount of things in common and she has a really engaging personality. In the negative, she does live on almost the other end of town and it took significant time to get to her. That doesn't bother me but it could be an issue for her if we continue to date. I will say I had a hard time reading her signals; she seemed to be having a good time but I don't know if she's into me at this point. I guess that's what follow on dates are for!

At the end of our evening, I drove her home, walked her to her door and hugged her goodnight. She texted me on my way home that she had a nice time so I reciprocated and asked her out for Wednesday. She accepted so we're on for then. I just need to figure out what we're doing. I normally invite a date back to my place on the third date for dinner but I may do something different this time.

Gotcha


Lol...can't wait to read about this one.

I agree! ;-)
No, It's really hard for a guy to date multiple women at first and the natural tendency to just pick one sounds very familiar to me.

Great thread TC. Second time I read it word by word...
Really nice to read your thoughts and feelings and how you deal with it.
I have been staying away from internet dating and did the real life dating thing for a year.

Couple of differences I noticed:
Seems there is a lot more rejection to deal with while internet-dating.
Internet dating starts of with romantic interest right away.
Internet dating is as intensive as the real life thing.

Sending out 'bulkmails' on dating sites is a very good tip!

Do you personalize these mails or are they a standard copy/paste thing, if I may ask so? :-)

Sounds like the date went well! Great! I think it's normal that you can't read a woman's signal this early into it. My guess is that if she has agreed to go on another date, she's definitely interested. Just my 2 cents...

More on Tinder for anyone thinking about joining...it's a little nerve wracking because there is really no information from the profile like there would be on Match. I am going out a guy from there for the first time tonight (a dif one, BR). If it goes bad, I am hold you responsible, tcc!! haha I was at least able to verify some info he gave me with his name...

Gerold - Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying reading it. I'm enjoying living it... sort of. In regard to the bulk replies, that doesn't really work per say. I normally have a general outline I do follow however. I read over her profile and key in on something specific that I feel like I can talk about intelligently. Then I introduce myself, comment on her profile, something specific and then ask a question. The question makes it easier for her to respond.

SusieQ - Have a great time on your date! I bet it'll go swimmingly but if it doesn't, it can be my fault. Lol

I think it's normal to not be able to read her well by this point but how things went with SUSAN is kind of throwing me off to be honest. I'm not sure why... but I'm less confident in some way with AMY. It's throwing me off my game so to speak. I'm kind of a mess honestly.

I feel more invested into AMY when I have no reason to be. I like her quite a bit and I think that's making me awkward. When my phone beeps, I hope it's her. It's not a good place to be in after two dates and a bunch of texts.

Yesterday I sent HELEN a few suggestions for places to get a drink and I haven't heard back. So, I will get in touch with her today at some point to confirm we're still on for Thursday. If not, I'll invite TINA out that evening. She's back in town and still texting me so I wasn't to nail down a first date quickly.

In regard to AMY, she responded to my text late in the day with some pleasantries and a vague confirmation of our date Wednesday so I think we're on. I think she wants to go to see The Woof of Wall Street. "I think" because she had some friends over and responded to my list of suggestions (one being that movie) with "Leo!" Lol. We'll talk today and iron it out I'm sure.

I'm thinking about taking down the dating site accounts for a month or two. I've been at this for a month and already feeling a bit burnt out on the whole process. I probably would have already but I'm a bit worried at what message that might send to AMY mainly. I don't want to come off as pushy for exclusivity at this stage but I don't want to make it seem like I don't want to date at all. Thinking about it though.

Yeah, I know....the stage where you get a big goofy grin on your face at least a few times a day, right? lol. That's good!

I am all about taking breaks from online dating. I take more breaks than I stay on it! But don't take down your account yet if you really like Amy...it might scare her off. I would wait...

Oh! My date went well so we can still be friends...

Yeah, that's the feeling alright. But... it's a level of vulnerability that is disconcerting when dating, at least for me. I've had that not work out enough in recent history that I'm a bit gun shy. It's a great thing when both people are into each other though... hoping I can figure out whether AMY is reciprocating soon.

Congrats on your great date!

You have to be vulnerable. You cannot protect your heart 100% in dating. You have to rely on logic alone. One of the hardest changes (habits to change) is the idea of taking a relationship slow....especially in today's fast paced go at lightning speed.

Relationships need time. I have found keeping arms length for at least six months is what has served me best. More often than not the friendship cannot sustain that timeframe. People our age have very bad habits, and you don't fully see them unless you give the relationship time.

I would stop worrying about if Amy is into you versus more of how can I keep her at arms length to really get to know her over the next five months.

Don't force a back reflection ... be thankful she is treading lightly. Because if you want anything better than a renter relationship make darn sure she is not doing anything that either she sacrifices for or that you have to sacrifice at.

This is the time honesty must play a key role here ... her honesty and how well she is able to be honest will be seen by her ability to keep her taker in check and not feel the need to sacrifice and/or force you to sacrifice.

You know what I mean?

HSH the one friend I have in a happy marriage did just what you said. The part that threw me off is the celibacy in the meanwhile, isn't that difficult?

I do know what you mean. I think the practice of this is going to be harder than understanding the concept though. I have this pattern of diving into relationships and that dynamic is likely the reason why I've ended up in the relationships I've ended up in since my divorce. I'm with NED; what does that look like? Celibacy is hard. Keeping someone you're increasingly attracted to, having feelings for, etc at arms length is hard. Dating is supposed to be fun.

I kid, I know there's plenty of fun in there and I plan on having lots of it as the years go by. I want a buyer's relationship and I know without a doubt sacrifice will kill that. Once I find that person I want to invest in, whether it be AMY or someone else down the road, I need to adjust from dating casually to dating for commitment. I wonder what it would be like to have a MB style relationship from the beginning rather than having to try and talk a unwilling spouse into trying it. At the same time, I don't want to still be trying to find that relationship twenty years down the line. I'm ready. Bring it on.

So I had a date scheduled with HELEN on Thursday but she hasn't responded to my text on Sunday with suggestions or to my text yesterday asking about her day. So... I think it's relatively safe to say that HELEN is going to be a no-show. That's a shame but not a huge one as I'm focusing on AMY more at this point. I think my serial monogomist is trying to break free because I wasn't excited about the date with HELEN as much as I normally would be and I'm even less excited about a date with TINA. That said, TINA is back in town and wants to go out with me so... I'll suggest drinks on Thursday and see if she's game for it. She is an absolute riot via text so I can imagine any date with her will be memorable at the very least. That woman can talk and knows exactly what she thinks/wants! I'm talking to one other individual via OKCupid's messaging app but I'm not getting much in the way of reciprocating communication from her so I'm not paying her that much attention.

I have a date tomorrow with AMY (pending feeling ok, I may be coming down with something) and am very much looking forward to it. She and I have been texting back and forth; I asked her yesterday if she likes talking on the phone (she does). She was busy last night but we may chat tonight. I'm looking forward to that as well; it feels like it's been a while since I've spoken to her. I really want to hear how her day went, the latest work drama she ran into yesterday, etc.

I think I'm going to let the OKCupid, Match and Tinder profiles die on the vine so to speak. If exclusivity develops with AMY, that would be great. If AMY doesn't pan out and something develops with TINA, that would be great as well. That said, I need a break if neither of these women work out. So... I don't think I'll be sending out any more messages in the immediate future. It might be time to work on the basement, work out more or just generally relax.

I know myself though... if in a few weeks I'm not dating anyone and have no dating prospects lined up I will have to fight myself not to get back in the game.

So as soon as I arrange a date with TINA for Thursday, HELEN texts me for the first time in two days. Go figure!

Not if you fully grasp the concept of having great sex...there is a great discussion about it in dating. I refuse to let some man come between me and my SF ... that's exactly what I would get if I had to audition for the guy.

I'm not settling for a louse this time around...hell no not in my do-over!!!

Come on people.....celibacy is not THAT difficult to handle.

There is something I read that I recall often: "Some use sex as a means of finding values, while others use it to celebrate and express their values"

I think they're examples abound that this isn't true for everyone. Look around this board at all the husbands and wives pigeon holed into celibacy due to poor marriages. We all know the world is rife with single people making poor choices when it comes to sex. It's not easy... regardless of your moral position on the subject.

I personally find sex outside of a committed relationship unfulfilling. Within that relationship however, it's such an amazing expression of love, passion, caring, etc. I realize too early it can force intimacy in a relationship and a whole host of other issues that have been talked about ad naseam on this board.

So yes, I agree that sex can be an expression of your morals. I agree that waiting can absolutely be worth while, especially if you value the prospect of a long term relationship/marriage that is based on compatibility, meeting needs, etc. But not that hard? If waiting was a piece of cake, everyone would be doing it and unplanned pregnancies, shotgun weddings and STDs would not exist!