what is the distance?
How many kilometers or miles away are you from this man?

I guess I'm not sure what normal progression means...
I discovered the affair
I told her it had to be over
we exposed it to her sister, parents, our pastor, our closest friends, leaders in our community, and coworkers
she agreed to no contact, counseling, meeting with a woman for accountability, etc.
we are going to counseling weekly, going to a marriage group weekly and have an intensive counseling scheduled in Feb
she has given me access to her phone, e mail etc.

current situation: she's still in a fog, says all the things I've read on here, speaks dreamily about him and how amazing it was, grieves because she misses him and 'doesn't know what he's thinking' and 'if he really loved her' (shes starting to question the legitimacy of the relationship a tiny bit because so many of us have pointed out his poor mental health and his previous affairs etc.

He's only about 3 miles away right now. We're only 3 weeks from discovery. I think we've managed to put a lot of good things in place.

Please start reading the book "Surviving an Affair" if you haven't already. You need to start reading this book.

I've read here it takes sometimes 6 weeks to get through the withdrawal of an affair partner. However, if she even looks at the OM's facebook page or an old text, she will be right back at Day 1. How are you proving that there is no contact? Are you with your WW all day long? Does she have any time during the day (or night) where she is away from you?

Welcome almctomb,

I am new also and only about 4 weeks post DDay.
Let me lend my advise so far.

This group of respondents are very good at getting to the root and basics and helping. They do mean well and can only help if knowledge of facts are present.

I myself have read the SAA beginning over 10 times. Plan to read it again some more. Each time more and more stands out. Such as when you read your devotional or bible verses again.

I am at about the same spot. Still in the beginning and trying to paddle up stream (so it seams.) These days are foggy and the road is rocky. Moods change, attitude changes, and needs change way to often. I just wanted to point out that you are not alone and that this is normal.

Notes:
In SAA I would focus on the part about "Withdrawal." Maybe that can help you both in Recovery.
This group tought me that trickle truths and trickle exposure is not good. Once I did the full blast exposure things were better and clearer for my WW.
This group is all in agreement of full honesty and protecting YOU first!
Be careful and weary of the groups and support you seek. You are impressionable and very susceptible right now. Dr. H speaks of many counselors that do more harm than good. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html


You are now in my Prayers.

That's not far enough.
She must have no contact with him for the rest of her life.
I can jog 3 miles in 20 minutes...

What about his parents? Why haven't you exposed to them?

3 miles? he could borrow a bicycle and be there in 10min, so could she.

Get GPS app installed on her phone and put one in her car.

There are triggers all over your house, and probably resetting her clock back to day 1, every day.

Get the trickle truth over now, demand a polygraph. Not knowing will eat you alive for years. But be prepared for the pain.

Our time apart is very limited and I try to have her sister or someone with her when we are apart. I work from home except for the occasional meeting. She has blocked him on facebook and I am checking regularly to make sure it stays that way.

How limited is the time apart? Is it one hour, or 30 minutes each day?

She needs to close her Facebook account. That should be part of the EP's because it was used to contact the OM during the affair.

Yes - I recognize the triggers in our home. I'm glad that we are able to move out of here in the next 3 weeks. I think we had trickle truth in the first week - 10 days but since then she has told me lots and lots of details to the point that I really believe she's being honest. The way she tells the details and her personality make me believe that I now have full exposure (although of course I know I must keep verifying and verifying). her sister who has been through an affair herself also believes that we now have full exposure.

Time apart is maybe 30 minutes - 1 hour 3 times a week maybe. But, I'm verifying even then... someone with her. or I turn up back at home unannounced to see if she's where she says she is.


she never used it to contact him during the affair... never once. I always had full access to her facebook. She did block him so she can't see him and he can't see her at all period. If she unblocks him she can't reblock him for 48 hours (I know because I had to unblock him to remove him from a group/page that I manage and facebook doesn't allow you to reblock until 48 hours). When someone is blocked you can't even search for their name. Because of the 48 hours I will know if she unblocks him.

Has she changed all her contact information?

Thank you for your prayers. I will keep you in mine too. I am really comfortable with the counselors that we have but I will always question their advice based on what I'm reading here. Thank you for your encouragement. It feels hard to be bombarded with all these questions making me feel like I am screwing the whole thing up. But, I know everyone on here is just rooting for me and our success. I will read SAA ASAP.

3 miles is a really big problem. There is no getting around that. Dr Harley has spoken about this issue many times on the radio show. Even being in the same town poses a great threat. If you don't trust our advice, please consider writing him on the radio show.

Sorry. I know new posters want to be encouraged...but we would be doing you no favors if we pat you on the back when we see you setting yourself up for a false recovery

I just want to point out that this poster is brand new and hasn't really recovered his marriage...yet.

There are many seasoned posters pointing out major issues that need to be looked at in your situation...I hope you don't overlook that advice and instead cling to the more "encouraging" type posts. That will probably hurt you in the long run.