My experience: The more you talk about how difficult something is, the harder it feels. ANY boundary can feel impossibly difficult if you dwell on how hard it feels.

And those people are a great example of why self-control is important. After all, addressing their unmet sexual needs by having an affair is one of the most devastating things they could possibly do.


But a Renter's agreement relationship isn't really a "committed relationship."

True.

The third date with AMY was tonight and we kissed. Grinning from ear to ear! More details later... good night MB forum!

That's great, TC! Just catching up...

I can empathize that dating is tiring! I personally would rather get to an exclusive relationship than keep 4 men on rotation. Dr. Harley says to date 30, but if you find one you like, don't force yourself to keep dating other people. If Amy works out, then I'll be happy for you!

Have a great weekend! Hope to hear more about this fabulous "Amy."

Well?!

Yes ma'am! Lol...

So earlier yesterday I was feeling a bit under the weather. I texted AMY to let her know that I still wanted to see her but I would understand if she wanted to postpone. She replied, "I want to see you tonight." Fair enough!

That night I picked her up and took her to a wine bar for dinner and then The Wolf of Wall Street. Side bar, that movie is morally bankrupt! It was a great evening. Dinner was perfect, the conversation was wonderful and I my date was beautiful. At one point I told her that I was nervous but not as much as the first two dates. She told me that I was really good at dating. When I inquired what she meant, she said that I opened does for her, treated her like a lady and generally acted like a gentleman. She's been waiting for me to make a mistake but so far I hadn't.

After the date, I drove her home. The car ride was more... tense. When I walked her to her door she turned around after opening it, hugged me and then kissed me! It was really, really wonderful. We agreed to see each other again and then I drove my happy butt home.

What a great evening with a great girl! I feel horrible today; I'm exhausted and sick but it was sooooo worth it. This morning I texted TINA and HELEN that I had to cancel our dates for tonight because I had found someone I wanted to date exclusively. So... that's what happened.

I haven't told AMY I'm not going to see anyone else; I don't know if that would be a good idea at this point but I couldn't in good conscience see other women when I just want to date her. We're going to see each other next week sometime; date/time/location to be determined as of yet. I'm really looking forward to it! Now I just need to figure out how to "play it cool."

Oh, I did retire all my dating apps and sites other than OKCupid... where I met AMY. I won't retire that until I talk to her about how I just want to date her. I don't want to freak her out.

Oh come on...
James Bond could be sleeping with one woman and meeting another for cocktails an hour later..

How exciting TC! She musta thought you were taking too long to plant one on her, ha

So, I met my sweetie in August (POF). I remembering not wanting the date to end and when I talked to my BFF about it the next day I told her I just had a feeling about him. I just knew it. At the end of our second date, we both talked about how we didn't want to date anyone else anymore and we both took our profiles down right then and there. Last weekend, we got engaged - getting married in July!

While I appreciate the logic behind dating plenty before you settle down, and dating a certain length of time, I also think that you know yourself best and sometimes you just have to go with your gut.

Hope you feel better soon! And thanks for blogging about your experiences, it's quite entertaining!

Thats wonderful news Justme385!

Justme85,
I've heard Dr Harley recommends a 2 year engagement but I'm not sure if thats accurate.

Is your boyfriend willing to follow the POJA?

Yes!!



I know everyone is different but I personally get the "fight or flight" response when a guy gets too mushy early on! I would prefer to go with the flow for a little bit...

What's her story? Recently divorced? Kids?



PS - congratulations JustMe!!!!

Thanks! He is definitely willing. We POJA all the time, little things, big things. I don't think I've ever actually put a name on it for him - he's been POJAing unknowingly.

I'm not positive of what's recommended either, but I agree his courtship or engagement advise was on the longer side. We're going against his advise on that one though - I'm 35 (hubby to be is 42)and we definitely want kids. I no longer have plenty of time (as I used to say whenever someone asked me if I wanted kids).

Ok I'm done hijacking TCs thread.

JustMe, I don't mean to discourage you. I've heard those things work out great, for a couple of folks I know. So I figured maybe me too, why wait, and got engaged when we were dating 6 months, and set the wedding for a little over a year after we started dating. Then later when the chemicals started wearing off and I had serious questions, I had a wedding to postpone. And then this last December I found some stuff out that really I should have seen coming, and we broke up this month. I wanted so much to have a two parent family for my kids again that I would repeatedly talk myself out of my concerns as they came up. Working against myself.

In 2010, you posted because your then boyfriend was too close to his ex. Last January you posted that your friends thought you were settling for someone who wasn't going to marry you and didn't want kids, and then you did finally break up after that. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I'm just saying, I think you're like me, have a tendency to attach first and look out for yourself later, after the chemicals have worn off. That's what these chemicals do! How about checking with your doctor, maybe one year won't make as much difference to your fertility as you thought.

If you go ahead, I will still support you and root for you 100%. But I'm glad folks asked me why the rush and what's wrong with giving it 2 years.

Thanks NED - I appreciate your advice. It's not like we're getting married quickly - I'm only saying I don't know that we'll wait a full 2 years... I certainly don't want to be pregnant on my honeymoon and I want a kick-@ss honeymoon ... so there's still plenty of planning (and saving) to do.

You're actually the first person who has asked "what's the rush"!

Bond probably wasn't interested in a MB relationship that could eventually lead to a wonderful and fulfilling marriage either.

Congratulations! That's such a great story! And yes, maybe she was tired of me taking it slow on the whole kissing thing but it was worth it. I think we're going to see each other Monday so I'm hoping I feel at least 90% by then.

Yeah... I'm kind of torn. I'm thinking of just telling her something along the lines of, "I like you quite a bit so I'm going to take down my dating profile so I can concentrate on seeing where this goes. Doesn't mean you have to of course. :)"

What is her story? She's never been married and has no children. She's three years younger than me. From what she's told me, she's been focusing on her work for the most part but also that she hasn't found the right guy. She wants to have kids someday of her own but is open to the concept of dating someone with kids if it's the right guy.

So... yeah. I read that she's picky (which is good) and isn't going to settle for Mr. Right Now (also good). I think she has good boundaries based on what I've seen so far which is excellent. Plus she's smart, funny and beautiful. All really great qualities.

The Wolf of WallStreet was awful. That must have been an awkward movie to sit through with a date. Was the car ride home tense because of the movie or because it was ??? about a good night kiss?