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He cant verify anything because they live on separate continents.
You need to end all financial support and ask her to come live with you.
Thanks JK.
Agree.
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Brainhurts and JK, she sent the NC email, it was cc'ed to me.
But how are verifying NC?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
BrainHurts: There is no point for me to verify NC. she can open another email account, get another phone, etc. The distance makes everything else harder.
Justthe3ofus: Right now I'm on a contracting position that's going to end in a couple of months, I don't want to bring her over now when I don't know where I'll be by summer time. Do you think it'd be better to wait that me as a guy to have a long term plan for myself first, then think about relationship?
Why do you want to stay married to this woman? I have yet to see you post anything positive about her. What is there worth saving, rub?
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
"She is spontaneous, frivolous, artistic, and lives in the moment."
This can be nice, but some people of this ilk don't value commitment and do what feels right instead of what IS right.
The odds aren't in your favor if you look at her longterm history. She would have to have a miraculous change for your marriage to have any chance of a happy, enduring recovery.
"She is spontaneous, frivolous, artistic, and lives in the moment."
This can be nice, but some people of this ilk don't value commitment and do what feels right instead of what IS right.
The odds aren't in your favor if you look at her longterm history. She would have to have a miraculous change for your marriage to have any chance of a happy, enduring recovery.
x 2
This is an old thread but your WW is Type 2 aka the non-typical WW.
As I said before, I would proceed with divorce and cut your losses. She is not marriage material.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
Update. She asked for money to support herself. I pointed out that she cheated, and must work to provide majority of her income, or stop living by herself and come live with me. She said she is cutting off all contact with me and we are done.
Update. She asked for money to support herself. I pointed out that she cheated, and must work to provide majority of her income, or stop living by herself and come live with me. She said she is cutting off all contact with me and we are done.
I would be very angry if I were you. She is fully capable of supporting herself but has been USING YOU. She essentially showed her true colors. I think your response was perfect. Now stick to your guns
Husband (me) 39 Wife 36 Daughter 21 Daughter 19 Son 14 Daughter 10 Son 8 (autistic)
She's told you that she is 'done' before, hasn't she?
Originally Posted by rubpy3
She is opposite of me. She is spontaneous, frivolous, artistic, and lives in the moment.
I am pragmatic, sensible, logical, and plans years ahead. Without her, I often found myself focusing too much on what will be in the future rather than enjoying the moment now.
I think what you mean is that she is fun.
The EN (Emotional Need) of RC (Recreational Companionship) is important but there are other women in the world who are fun! Besides she is a freeloader and that is ALL fun.
Originally Posted by Pepperband
Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders
Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner. He or she does only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless in the mood to do so.
Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better.
Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accommodate changing needs.
Most atypical wayward wives take care to be both pretty and fun (in the beginning). Their career plan is of freeloading and squatting off a succession of men. Your WW had this plan while a teenage mistress and she only went to college to catch a man/set up future alimony.
You really have nothing to lose with Plan B using the template letter and changing all contact details. You'll heal well and fairly soon. She only meets one EN, that of RC or possibly a meagre two needs if she's also attractive. You'll probably feel much better about the divorce option after about six months NC/withdrawal from her.
Think of it as going cold turkey from the love chemicals. I have done Plan B myself and it is true.
If her own withdrawal/suffering causes her to reconsider and meet your conditions some months into Plan B then great. But if she does not, divorce will not hurt as much.
Last edited by indiegirl; 02/11/1406:12 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
Over the years, I have developed a compulsion of checking my email every few minutes. Due to the time difference between us right now, I'm very used to waking up around 5:30AM in the morning, and there'd always be a new message from her at this time.
However after the last round of email fighting I don't know how to deal with email anymore. I don't want to log on and feel the emptiness of seeing her message not there, yet if there is a message there I don't know if I'm strong enough not to respond to it.
My way of dealing with the issue during the past 2 day was removing email from web browser history, removing mail app shortcut from desktop, and deleting email profile from my phone, completely avoiding checking my email. Now I have other matters that I should attend to in my inbox and I kinda need to log on, but I don't want to cause more emotional dramas associated with log in.
I'm amazed by how much I procrastinate over such a simple matter, and how terrified I can be of just simply checking my email!
Over the years, I have developed a compulsion of checking my email every few minutes. Due to the time difference between us right now, I'm very used to waking up around 5:30AM in the morning, and there'd always be a new message from her at this time.
However after the last round of email fighting I don't know how to deal with email anymore. I don't want to log on and feel the emptiness of seeing her message not there, yet if there is a message there I don't know if I'm strong enough not to respond to it.
My way of dealing with the issue during the past 2 day was removing email from web browser history, removing mail app shortcut from desktop, and deleting email profile from my phone, completely avoiding checking my email. Now I have other matters that I should attend to in my inbox and I kinda need to log on, but I don't want to cause more emotional dramas associated with log in.
I'm amazed by how much I procrastinate over such a simple matter, and how terrified I can be of just simply checking my email!
Is Plan B really appropriate right now? She sent a NC letter to OM some time ago, and I don't have evidence that she is seeing him still. (although I have strong suspicion, I don't have evidence).
The reason we had this email argument is she wants me to support her financially, while I think she should at least make an effort to get a job.
