Idle thought, I felt more myself with KAREN tonight than I have with anyone in my life. With others, I'm more guarded and on my best behavior. Even with AMY; I know I'm a good guy but I have a strange sense of humor that is not always easy to get. I think I'm going to have to be this way with AMY on Saturday and see how it goes. I think this is an important thing for me... I want to be me around my SO; not a molded, socially acceptable version of me.

Agree x 100. I don't know why anyone would not want to be him/herself while dating. If a person doesn't like the real you then bye, bye.

That Karen makes you say "Wow"...

Yeah, I've had time to sleep on it a bit and feel pretty strongly about making sure I show AMY the real me quickly. I'm not doing her any favors by being on my best behavior at this point. I think the reason why I've been a bit more reserved is because I was really nervous the first, second and a bit of the third date. I like her quite a bit so I've been on my best behavior. But the reality is I'm a goofy dude with a strange sense of humor. I make inappropriate jokes, I curse at times and I'm a complete mess on the regular. So... she needs to see that so she can make an informed decision as well. She should be able to like me when I'm put together and when I'm not. We're going to chat tonight so she's going to get some of my witicisms and humor this evening in addition to Saturday. Poor girl won't know what hit her... lol

With KAREN though, there was no best behavior. She saw the real, unfiltered me immediately and really liked it because she's the same way. We have the same style humor, the same wit, the same sarcastic nature. We have similar hobbies, tastes and habits (with the exception of the Oxford comma). It was just really good. I've never had a first date like that; it's exciting. There are some down sides; she apparently smokes on occasion and our religions (or her lack of) does not match up at all. But these are not deal breakers for me so I'm really excited for tomorrow. If the second and third dates are similar to the first... Too early to say but it's looking good.

James Bond was always himself around women..

Ah but Bond was never authentic. He was the consummate spy and rarely ever showed one single bit on honest emotion. Who knows who or what Bond really felt at any given moment? He was and remains the ultimate player!

TC,

But isn't the version of your personality acting on your "Best Behavior" also the Real You, just with additional learned discipline?

Isn't everything taught by MB in actuality a newly learned respectful behavioral conditioning?

I'm not against letting your hair hang down and letting your previous core personality come forth, but which version of your persona are you striving to develop more of?

LTL

By the way, they both sound like pleasant companions, so it's too early to shed one for the sake of the other just yet, isn't it?

LTL

Interesting question. I think my "best behavior" is still me. I'm a gentleman for instance regardless of whether I'm being a goof or not. And I'm not trying to condition away my "old self" either. It's about identifying compatibility. MB allows you to BUILD compatibility but dating is where you search for it. I have no doubt I can build compatibility with just about anyone through MB techniques BUT dating is different. Why spend time and effort building something with someone that may exist with someone else naturally?

My ex found my goofy nature offensive in a lot of instances. That wasn't necessarily because I was being crass (although that was the case on occasion) but because she fundamentally didn't like my humor. She didn't find the same things funny that I did and it was a frustrating thing for me because I like to be funny and I enjoy getting laughs.

Does that answer your question?

Yes, I think you're right. But as we all know, dating is interesting and that could change at the drop of a hat this weekend depending on how these dates go. I'm keeping an open mind and trying to not make any really impulsive decisions. Based on what I know about myself, that might be a tall order.

Bingo! My feelings can swing dramatically from one date to the next! lol

Glad to hear the date went well w/Karen tho

It was formed as a question, but less for me to understand your answer rather it was more for you to be more introspective about who you really are and wish to develop into.

Bring goofy or witty does not automatically necessitate that the polite demeanor you put forth needs to vanish.

I am pretty darn glad for you that you seem to be winding up with several women who you can enjoy spending more than just quality date time with.

It seems both mentally and emotionally taxing if i were in your shoes though. Good luck on that. Whew!!!

LTL

It is both emotionally and mentally taxing. I have no idea how long I will be able to pull it off but I will give it a whirl. I'm tired... lol.

From my perspective, this is HUGE.

Being your authentic self and having it validated is a big green flag. Good for you! Good for Karen! If you're both being authentic and really dig each other, that's a great sign. It should be comfortable and fun!

If your coffee date migrated to dinner and onto kissing, this is also a very good sign. Sounds like you enjoyed each other's company so much you didn't want the date to end.

OK: I guess I've changed my vote. I'm leaning toward Karen.

Actually Austin Powers is probably more authentic than James Bond.
He gets all the women too

I will get slaughtered for this...

I know that, for a woman, affection & sexual fulfilment go hand in hand....
But if you are mistaken affection with sexual fulfilment, you have NEVER experienced SF before!

THIS IS NOT A DISRESPECTFUL JUDGEMENT!!!

When you climax, loose control of your ENTIRE body and ask yourself "WTF" happened....

You have found the difference between affection & SF.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

In fact, I have experienced 30yr+ women consulting their friends on the first SF in their lives...

No, I am NOT boosting my ego (what's the point anyway)

The G-spot is not a myth!

No, you will not get there by snuggling & kissing.

Just got off the phone with AMY; I asked her if we could chat earlier in the day when she got off work tonight. It was tough staying up because her last appointment didn't end until just before ten in the evening but it was totally worth it. I was my goofball self and it was a really great conversation. This is the reason I'm into AMY so much; she is so engaging, sweet and genuine. I loved every minute of that conversation and before we knew it, an hour had gone by. She laughed at my goofiness and seemed genuinely happy to talk to me. So... I wrapped up the conversation and bid her goodnight.

I'm still very much into this woman; meeting KAREN hasn't changed that. But that might change so who knows. I think she's going to make up her mind about me relatively soon based on this conversation we just had so I'm curious how it will go. I think this Saturday will be pivotal in this budding romance with Ms AMY.

Gerold, do you think you could use Dr H's categories instead of making up your own? He has said numerous times that the affection category should not contain physical gestures unless they are the type you could give equally give to a child.

Yeah, some kissing and snuggling is childlike affection, but that isn't what is being discussed here - it is physical, SF charged romance.

Z hasn't 'mistaken' affection for SF. It is you who has confused SF with sexual release. You can have a physical sexual experience, or an orgasm with anybody. The emotional need of SF is PURELY emotional and is a physical expression of love which is very different to the purely physical release of orgasm.

You have made very personal assumptions about Z just because she has listened to Dr H's distinctions of the needs and you have not.




You are talking about the PHYSICAL release of orgasm, which is very easy to find. We've all experienced it - you aren't talking to teenagers.

Do you think you could get better acquainted with the SF need and stop confusing it with orgasm?




Yes, I have met women like this too. Not sure what that has to do with anything. If you spend your twenties being a man-pleaser, it's what happens. It's no big deal, they eventually figure it out.



Who on earth said it was?

It is possible for a woman to know both her body and Dr H's categories correctly.

I think you're doing great, tc

Thanks indie. I feel like I dorked up something yesterday afternoon though. AMY called me while I was on my way to pick up KAREN to make plans and during the conversation I was evasive about what I was doing that evening. I feel dishonest. I can justify it how I want but the short version is I haven't discussed with her my current dating situation and I need to. I will be straight forward and non-evasive. Open and honest. I see her this morning so that will be a topic of conversation.

I'm really disappointed in myself.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. The feeling you're having is simply a realisation that you need to level with her. Which you will do as soon as you have an opportunity.

Not telling her about your specific plans with someone else, is OK I think. When people are dating multiple people, all you need to know is the exclusive/non exclusive status. I know when my friend was juggling a few dates, the last thing she wanted to hear about was specificaly which other girls they were dating. In fact she considered their discussing any specifics as kind of tactless.

I know I've heard Dr Harley and Joyce say that they never mentioned the 'others' to each other while dating!