Please remind me. Did you only call in or write into Dr. Harley this one time?

Yes, just the once.

Ok so you know your mistakes what do you plan to do about them? Are you done making excuses why you cant do what is advised and ready to make reasons why you need to do what is advised? Time to hop off the hamster wheel! If you have a computer or smartphone yo ucan listen to the show daily. I sugeest you do that, I found the show keeps me accountable in my dealings with my WW.

I will Plan A, but to the extent that I am nice to the xW and do not engage in any LBs. I am not going to do anything assertive until I start seeing some kind of positive response from her. I am hoping that she doesn't think "Oh, cool, he is ok with this divorce and is going to be friends." Again, I want to avoid giving her that impression, because I am NOT okay with the divorce.

A good v-day idea would be for you and your daughters make her a valentine's day card. Ensure all three of your names are on it.

add: Also, do you plan on emailing Dr. Harley?

Blind,
I did Plan A from a distance: I avoided DJ's and when opportunities presented themselves, I did things for her that made her know I still cared and would be a good husband if she ever decided to return. Because she was out of the house, it helped with my anger and hurt. Not seeing her helped me to avoid AO's and DJ's.

I also took good care of myself. By the time the divorce went through, she saw a man who was moving forward and who was in a good place. She also saw flowers that were delivered to my home from a gal I met and was in a new relationship with. (By that point I thought there was no chance to get her back.) BUT...her affair went South, and to my surprise the slow, drawn-out work of Plan A set in and she came home.

Because you are the father of her children and you are now working, when things go bad in affairland, you may still have a chance. But you have a year of mistakes to correct. Slow and steady wins the race, friend.

J3, I am hoping that it what will happen. She is already showing me more eye contact. When the child support gets taken care of, it may be in one big fat check - the kind of check we could never write all at once when we were married.

This business takes off, dude, I am telling you what. I know for a fact that money makes a guy attractive.

Oh, rats.. VDay is in 4 days. I didn't even realize - I should have made a card this weekend. DOH!

Remember you are the father of her children, do things for her and include them in on it. Example, My DS and I made WW a card together it has BOTH our names on it! One of her arguments with POSOM was that the card was prominently displayed in their "house of horrors". He wanted her to throw it away lol but she wouldn't because it was from her son. Translation: "I want to keep it because I still love my husband and my son." They argued over it and yet its still there lol. LOVEBUSTERS in affair land!

Also remember that I am 19 years older than her. All things being equal, do you think a typical woman would trade someone closer to her age for someone my age? I have my doubts. I used to look young for my age, but this whole ordeal has aged me 10 years in the past 2.

The age issue is legit. It's been sort of the elephant in the room on this thread. We can't get into your ex wife's head, so we don't know how much of an issue it is for her. It could be a deal breaker, so be mindful of that as you commit to Plan A.

Dr. Harley alluded to this in your conversation. He was suggesting that younger women expect older men to take care of them and be the problem solver. From what I have seen of this a younger woman goes to an older man because he will take care of her, almost like a daughter. The qualities young women like in an older man is the older man's "giver" nature. They baby, provide for, and nurture the younger woman, treating her like a princess. It's the fairytale, kind of like Doc and Holly-go-Lightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Women who grew up with an older father can sometimes be drawn to older men. You know the saying: you marry your father. I have not seen the arrangement work out well. So often the philly leaves the stable and hooks up with a colt. But if it is to work for you, I think your best bet is to demonstrate that you can be that figure who takes care of her and makes her the precious object of your affection and good care.So if you are now working and you are able to provide a good life for her, perhaps she will be drawn back if her affair crumbles and you have a good Plan A from here on out. Being the father of her children offers an advantage as Dr. Harley mentioned in your phone call with him.

In the final analysis, I think you should approach this as a long-shot for the sake of your own mental health. Give it your best shot; hope for the best; but don't plan with expectations. Whatever happens, you will come out a better person.

If you can, spend more time with the kids. I know you work, but find time when you can.

If that is the case, then I can expect to be alone for the rest of my life. From sticking my toes into the dating pool (dating sites, etc.), I have noticed that women aren't much interested in men over 40 or so - not even women my age.

Looks like I am done.

Not true, Blind. Not sure why you think people in their 50's can't find a mate. They do all the time.

But first things first. Plan A.

If you were to see pictures of my xW and I, we look similar in age. I probably still look young for my age, but I can imagine her doing that ridiculous math, thinking that she's going to be in her prime when I am some kind of old codger. My dad is almost 80 and I swear he is more active than I am.

My paternal grandparents had a huge age difference between them. When they married, my grandmother was 18 and my grandfather was 50. He outlived her by 32 years. So you never know what the circumstances will be in your life, so age shouldn't be the be all end all to this.

Well, the most interesting man in the world is no spring chicken, but he brings his A game every time.

Stay thirsty, my friend.

Funny. Look at the babes on his arm. I edited my post with an interesting factoid.

How about a follow up email to the Harleys?

What should I ask? I am really at a loss for what to do, except that I've decided to Plan A, and even then I am winging it.

Some men can burn the candle at both ends when young.

Very few can burn the candle at both ends when they are fifty.

A poor choice to marry when there is a large age difference.

And this is true for both men and women. There have been a few Hollywood women that married men 20 years younger then them only to get dumped.

**EDIT**

I'm not sure what you are getting at, but that issue was discussed at length even before we dated. In the beginning she pursued me quite aggressively. I rejected her advances for quite a while, in fact. When we did date, I discussed the potential issues with her, as did her family, about the age difference. She insisted that she was okay with it. Her father and I have talked about it also, and he tells me that she was adamant about it not being an issue. For all I know it still isn't an issue for her as much as the other things were. I had serious reservations about it from the beginning, so don't think I went in unaware.

If it became an issue, she's never been honest with me about it. She's never been honest with me about much of anything, actually.

She has shown that she is not honest now.

Insisting something is no problem does not make it ok. Talk is cheap. You let your well founded reservations aside when you should of stuck to them.

Too many men middle age men want the hot young wife without being honest about it to themselves.

When in society we for the most part see large age gap relationships fail. Yet many ignore that fact an plunge in any way when there is a huge age difference.

Even if you wanted your WW for who she was and her age was not a factor. It is obvious that your WW was not honest with you or herself.