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The kids refuse to see him. He went for full custody, but was ordered every Wednesday overnight, and eo weekend overnight. They have told him they never want to see him, especially overnights. They are afraid of him. Most of the abuse was done to them. He stopped coming by 3 months ago. No presents, he's never called since day one, won't even play online. The only way they will see him is if I'm with. I've even taken us all out to eat so he could see him. He refused the next time, because it's not supposed to be supervised.

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He always reports a loss on the taxes. I think between the loans and how much we owe on everything else, it would be maybe $100,000-150,000 left over-possibly. The real value to the business would come after paying off the houses.

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I wish! Rental income properties. The property tax values. They haven't been assessed lately, but the market isn't that great.

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What type of business is this? Have you been running it with him or do you have a job?

You don't have to walk away with nothing but this settlement makes no sense. You don't have to drag this out for years either. A judge will settle it, if your WH is being a moron. Your children could also speak to the judge about the abuse they have suffered at his hands.

Don't roll over.

Last edited by black_raven; 02/11/14 11:50 PM.

BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Does he see the children now? What is the current custody arrangment? Luckily they are older.

ETA: The youngest one is really the only child that will be affected by child visitation. The others will be out of high school this year and next...I am assuming. [/quote]

The oldest will graduate this year, the 17 yr old in 2 yrs, and the youngest in 3. He doesn't want the youngest, pretty much just the 17 yr old.

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I'm worried about him getting more custody or visitation if I fight it. The kids want to testify if it goes to court. We have been appointed a Guardian ad Litem, but I've heard they can be a little iffy.

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Originally Posted by toomanylemons
The kids refuse to see him. He went for full custody, but was ordered every Wednesday overnight, and eo weekend overnight. They have told him they never want to see him, especially overnights. They are afraid of him. Most of the abuse was done to them. He stopped coming by 3 months ago. No presents, he's never called since day one, won't even play online. The only way they will see him is if I'm with. I've even taken us all out to eat so he could see him. He refused the next time, because it's not supposed to be supervised.

Why would you go out to eat with your abuser and the abuser of your children? Does he still have access to your martial home? I'm confused by all of this. dontknow


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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That's the irony of abuse. If I stay with him, I can lose them for failure to protect. Once I leave, I have to do everything to encourage a relationship, and let them go to their abusive father's home by themselves-unprotected. What would you do? I'm even more confused.

I've turned him in, as well as multiple other people, but nothing sticks since he's in law enforcement.

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Originally Posted by toomanylemons
I have to do everything to encourage a relationship, and let them go to their abusive father's home by themselves-unprotected.

No you don't. That your children are willing to speak up about their abuse is a good thing. There is no way I would hand over my children for more abuse...or encourage a relationship. I would decline the offer, put together your own proposal (one that works for you and your children)...if he doesn't like it then go to court. You don't have to pay your attorney to babble on and on with his. If WH doesn't accept your offer, then go to trial. I'm sure a judge will be interested in what your kids have to say (and you) as well as hearing how your WH isn't paying his bills. Lovely combination MrRollieEyes puke

Last edited by black_raven; 02/12/14 12:14 AM.

BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by black_raven
[quote=toomanylemons] I have to do everything to encourage a relationship, and let them go to their abusive father's home by themselves-unprotected.

No you don't. That your children are willing to speak up about their abuse is a good thing. There is no way I would hand over my children for more abuse...or encourage a relationship.

Yeah, unfortunately, abusers are using a thing called "Parental Alienation" to get full custody of their kids right now. He already tried to pull that crud. I tried to get another OFP on him (order for protection) but since he was in law enforcement, the judge dismissed it. He violated his temporary restraining order already, 2 days after it was put on. He was also turned in for child abuse again, with pictures of my son's injuries. I actually got yelled at in court, and almost thrown out. I couldn't answer if I knew he was recording a conversation with "Yes or No" because I only found out after a couple hours into the fight. He wanted his "Special gun" back. It was one he asked me for when I left him the last time, along with a current picture. Obviously, I didn't give it back to him at that time. The fight went on for almost a day, with him tearing the house up, threatening to call the police on me. He locked the kids outside for the day. When I finally had to give up the gun (he has many more, plus the assault rifle)he said it was dumb for me to be worried about that gun. If he wanted to kill me, he didn't need a gun, he could use one of those knives (behind us), or his bare hands. Yep, no OFP. I have no trust in the court system anymore. Maybe if he wasn't tied in with law enforcement it would be different.

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You should probably dump your attorney. It doesn't sound like he has done anything and has no balls.

Sorry to cut out on you, but it is late and I need to get to bed. I will post tomorrow and look into your state law. As I said before, I would not accept his offer. I have seen too many people end up regretting bad offers because they wanted the divorce to be over...the ex usually drags them back to court for x, y, and z and the finances continue to be a nightmare. Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. WH is not an honorable man and will not be after D either...accept this. Even being law enforcement...he has an achilles' heel.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by toomanylemons
He always reports a loss on the taxes. I think between the loans and how much we owe on everything else, it would be maybe $100,000-150,000 left over-possibly. The real value to the business would come after paying off the houses.


But you're in default on the houses?
Rental property is not a business. Do you own any houses outright or is everything mortgaged?
If the bank calls your loans can you pay them the balances?

I suggest the following:
Ask the court to appoint a CPA to value the business, if he finds value then sell them and split and be done.

I would not take a house out of this venture. It may be collateral on an outstanding loan

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Originally Posted by toomanylemons
Originally Posted by black_raven
[quote=toomanylemons] I have to do everything to encourage a relationship, and let them go to their abusive father's home by themselves-unprotected.

No you don't. That your children are willing to speak up about their abuse is a good thing. There is no way I would hand over my children for more abuse...or encourage a relationship.

Yeah, unfortunately, abusers are using a thing called "Parental Alienation" to get full custody of their kids right now. He already tried to pull that crud. I tried to get another OFP on him (order for protection) but since he was in law enforcement, the judge dismissed it. He violated his temporary restraining order already, 2 days after it was put on. He was also turned in for child abuse again, with pictures of my son's injuries. I actually got yelled at in court, and almost thrown out. I couldn't answer if I knew he was recording a conversation with "Yes or No" because I only found out after a couple hours into the fight. He wanted his "Special gun" back. It was one he asked me for when I left him the last time, along with a current picture. Obviously, I didn't give it back to him at that time. The fight went on for almost a day, with him tearing the house up, threatening to call the police on me. He locked the kids outside for the day. When I finally had to give up the gun (he has many more, plus the assault rifle)he said it was dumb for me to be worried about that gun. If he wanted to kill me, he didn't need a gun, he could use one of those knives (behind us), or his bare hands. Yep, no OFP. I have no trust in the court system anymore. Maybe if he wasn't tied in with law enforcement it would be different.


Your children are old enough that you may be able to ask the judge to interview them privately

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All are mortgaged, except the one he's living in ($40,000), a trailer house, and one other. No, I can't pay anything off. He hasn't been ordered to pay me anything yet. Child support goes to court next month. I've been trying to get my lawyer to go for temp spousal and child support since July.

Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it.

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I was counting on my half of the taxes. We filed together, and was promised to me. He went on a trip with his gf instead. Any way I can get that back?

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Originally Posted by toomanylemons
I was counting on my half of the taxes. We filed together, and was promised to me. He went on a trip with his gf instead. Any way I can get that back?

Who is the girlfriend?
Is she married?
Have you exposed their affair?

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Someone he met. My oldest daughter met her, he's introduced her to his family and friends. I haven't met her yet.

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He actually wanted my oldest daughter to spend time with her one on one to get to know each other. Where's that puke emoji? I told him that was highly inappropriate while we were still married.

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Dr. Harley would encourage you to expose this affair to family and friends.
I would also expose it on www.shesahomewrecker.com

Now as for abuse, if your children have bruises from being beaten you should contact a womans shelter.
You were advised to do this in 2008.

Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 02/12/14 01:52 AM.
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I think he beat me to it. He's been taking her to his friends and family's house for a few months now. There's really no one else to tell. They're all accepting her.

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