If you let yourself get sidetracked from a concrete plan only then is there no hope. If you want to Plan A, then do it. Commit to it for a year or two, but don't water it down and don't get distracted by her actions or the age question.

You have mentioned many, many times that the only happy outcome for you is reuniting your family. While I think you will find happiness outside of that ideal, if that is your "Holy Grail" then go chase it, King Arthur. And if Plan A doesn't work, then move forward with your life and do the best you can to play an active role in your kids' life as a single parent.

But whatever you do, let go of "paralysis by analysis." Just follow the program. It won't let you down.

Did you read the article I linked?


I can't do a thing about your wife's Love Busters. She's not here posting. What I can do, is to help you recognize your OWN bad marital behavior, and how to improve that. And, if given the opportunity one day, we can help you learn how to complain respectfully and effectively, and come up with win-win situations.

But, you need to read the posts and listen, you need to read the articles. Not backpedal, justify, and blame.

OK?

Okay, I just got another punch to the gut. I feel sick.

We have a storage unit that we kept business stuff in, as well as seasonal clothes and other stuff. She informed me that she wasn't paying for it anymore and that I needed to get my stuff out. For whatever reason, I thought that she meant whatever stuff of mine that was still there. Oh no..

She had taken EVERYTHING of mine from the house and garage, packed it up, and put it in there, even artwork that I did that she had professionally framed. She has scrubbed the house of ALL signs that I was ever there.

I don't really think I have any hope left. I really feel like a 45 caliber nap right now, to be honest.

Blindsided, you don't know what her motivations or her thoughts were.

Every time my husband assumed what mine were, he was WRONG. You likely are, too.

It could just be that the items were too painful of a recollection, or that the OM demanded they be packed, or who knows.

You don't know any part of the truth right now, so don't start convincing yourself of anything.

That would be the WORST thing you could ever do to your daughters. Don't you dare do it.

I was being facetious. I am well past that stage of things. I probably shouldn't try to make jokes.

Blindside,

Have you made a decision on if you want to plan a or plan b?
Have you emailed dr Harley?

Blind,
I'm sorry for the crushing blow today. But at this point I think you really need to stop letting your state of being be dictated by your ex wife's thoughts about you.

Are you going to let that derail your Plan A, which you said you wanted to re-do? Or are you go going to follow through with it undeterred? This is not a rhetorical questions. Please answer.

Considering the outcome that I would like to see, I think Plan A is my only option. I have not emailed the Harleys. I may be going back to work Friday, so I would have to have plenty of lead time and take some time off to be on their show again.

I am going through the video links you provided. They are a huge help in reminding me what I already read, and he also goes into some more depth.

Plan A is all I can do to get my family back. I don't know that I have really been capable until recently. I still have profound sadness at a lot of things and I miss my girls all the time, but it's become like an emotional callous. Whenever I see my xW and girls, I still have this crazy sense of hope, because I still see them as my future. I think that is the only thing that keeps me going.

When I decided to open our business - which in hindsight was a huge love buster because it took a LOT of my time and attention away from my xW. Anyway, one of the big things I did to make it a reality was to visualize the end result. Every little detail was complete in my mind's eye before I ever started work on it. That's sort of what is going on in my head now - I visualize what I would like to happen and hopefully this Plan A will bring me closer to that. I will need a lot of nudging from you guys. I will post things she says and does to help me gauge what is going on in her head.

Wrong attitude. Plan A has no expectations! No matter what's going on you stick to your plan. I'll be here to help you if you will listen and commit to this. This ain't chess it's checkers. What do you have plan for valentines day? A simple card would suffice.

I did say "hopefully". I have no expectations.

Did you write the Harleys again, yet?

Not yet. Been a pretty busy week even though I'm off work - probably going back Monday (yay).

I am ruminating on how detailed I should get - I can be pretty verbose, and there are so many things I could say. If they want me on the show again I would have to take a little time off from work. I didn't have a job last time I was on. Yeah yeah, sounds like excuses but I'm just thinking about things. I have had some revelations lately and I am kinda still processing them. Revelations about how long I was a bad husband and WHY I was. I think I have some of it figured out so that it won't happen in the future if things were to go the way I'd like.

So you all know what day it is. I picked the girls up and the xW was all perfumed up, obviously had a hot date with POSOM. I am still wondering when this affair with the 95% chance of failure is actually going to fail.

So when the woman has an affair and then divorces the husband because of it, I guess it doesn't feel like an affair anymore, huh?

$100 says he proposes tonight. Anyone want some of that action?

Proposing and marrying are two different things.
Some people are "engaged" for years.

I guess I'll find out soon enough. Didn't feel anything from the xW tonight, either. No eye contact like a couple weeks ago.

I noticed a plain little ring on her left middle finger. I wonder if she switches fingers when she is around me. I'm probably overanalyzing that.

Self-improvrment update: Had a meeting with my Engineer this afternoon. He talked with his machine shop guy and told him about the product and the guy wants to BUY one. Keep in mind that this will be a $4000+ item. That has been the response I see a lot - the woman who will be doing some web applications programming for me wants to buy one. Pretty much everyone involved in the project wants one for themselves. The engineer seems to think that I will get more orders than I think I will, in the quantity range that will make me in the neighborhood of $100k - a MONTH. Of course those are all unhatched chickens that remain uncounted, but wow.. Talk about being able to provide financial security. I think that was one of my xW's big emotional needs even though she might have been afraid to say it. I've done a lot of thinking about everything, and I realized that the entire time we were married, I only had one job that was steady, and during that time span we opened the business which she operated (and hated operating). I have never had money problems or trouble getting a good-paying salaried position since getting out of college - until we moved to New Mexico 4 days after we got married. This place sucks for people in my line of work. If I didn't have a stroke of dumb luck (or divine intervention?) I'd still be jobless today.

Have you email Dr. Harley? If your in Plan A do Plan A things, inactions and making excuses for said inactions isn't Plan A. Worrying if POSOM and ex wife are engaged isn't Plan A. What did you do for valentines day?

Well, VDay snuck up on me, honestly. I will make a card with the girls today or tomorrow and have them give it to her. If I was more situationally aware, I would have done it last weekend. Derp.

No you give her the card when you see her.