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Joined: Mar 2006
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Originally Posted By: tccoastguard
Originally Posted By: Zhamila

It will be good to regroup, and only you know when your heart is ready to try again. You're a wonderful, caring woman (I can tell by all your posts), and I'm sure you'll find someone worthy of you.



I agree with Z completely regarding the above sentiment. I remember reading your posts years ago when I was going through my own "stuff" and thinking how incredibly calm, caring and strong you were/are. You deserve someone who recognizes and cherishes that. Do what you have to do now to get this guy out of the house and then heal. Someone wonderful and deserving of you is around the corner.

x2!!

Sorry he won't leave, NED. That stinks. You're right...at least now you'll have no doubts or second thoughts. shocked


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
NewEveryDay #2782156 02/11/14 12:26 AM
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Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
Yes, Z, I'm trying to remember to keep my head high. I thought he left, but he came back, so I'm going to have to take some bigger measures like having the locks re-keyed. I hate that it's come to this. The upside is I won't be waffling about reconciliation.

So he moved all his stuff out and then just came back? Does he pay any rent to you?

Can't you have the police remove him? It's your house, correct?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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NED,
Try to rent some good comedy movies to laugh this week.
Can you do this?

Jedi_Knight #2782174 02/11/14 01:54 AM
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Originally Posted By: Jedi_Knight
NED,
Try to rent some good comedy movies to laugh this week.
Can you do this?

Nacho Libre! All the way! laugh


"When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out."
Elizabeth Bowen

(Changed my profile name, as it was appearing in Google searches. Yikes!)
Jhamila #2782344 02/11/14 11:02 PM
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He moved some stuff, I figured enough stuff, but then yes was back within 2 days. He was paying a set amount every month towards the bills but hasn't paid that in 2 months now. I have been calm and I totally get that this is really hard for him, his eggs were all in this basket here and he messed it up. But I think he thought that meant it was okay with me that he was taking his time with things. I had to stop trying to pretend that I'm not upset, and I reminded him I never agreed that he could stay without paying towards the bills, and that I need to know when he will be out, and he commuted to being out this week. So I'm almost done.

I like the idea of some good comedies. OD and I saw the Monuments Men this weekend and somehow they found some comedy in such a serious subject. I've never seen Nacho Libre, sounds great!


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #2782375 02/11/14 11:49 PM
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Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
He moved some stuff, I figured enough stuff, but then yes was back within 2 days. He was paying a set amount every month towards the bills but hasn't paid that in 2 months now. I have been calm and I totally get that this is really hard for him, his eggs were all in this basket here and he messed it up. But I think he thought that meant it was okay with me that he was taking his time with things. I had to stop trying to pretend that I'm not upset, and I reminded him I never agreed that he could stay without paying towards the bills, and that I need to know when he will be out, and he commuted to being out this week. So I'm almost done.

I like the idea of some good comedies. OD and I saw the Monuments Men this weekend and somehow they found some comedy in such a serious subject. I've never seen Nacho Libre, sounds great!

What will happen if he doesn't follow through on his commitment?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2782609 02/12/14 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
He moved some stuff, I figured enough stuff, but then yes was back within 2 days. He was paying a set amount every month towards the bills but hasn't paid that in 2 months now. I have been calm and I totally get that this is really hard for him, his eggs were all in this basket here and he messed it up. But I think he thought that meant it was okay with me that he was taking his time with things. I had to stop trying to pretend that I'm not upset, and I reminded him I never agreed that he could stay without paying towards the bills, and that I need to know when he will be out, and he commuted to being out this week. So I'm almost done.

I like the idea of some good comedies. OD and I saw the Monuments Men this weekend and somehow they found some comedy in such a serious subject. I've never seen Nacho Libre, sounds great!

What will happen if he doesn't follow through on his commitment?


I think you are being too nice and need to kick him out, now.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2782651 02/12/14 10:26 PM
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He's out. I had a talk with him Monday night and said it is starting to feel like he is taking advantage. He was out Tuesday without a word. When he wasn't here tonight, I texted him, and he said he'd be back Sunday to get his boxes. What a sour note to end on, two months ago we were planning our life together. But I didn't have much more patience for the situation left in me.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #2782662 02/12/14 11:43 PM
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That's great news NED, even if it seems sour right now. The healing can begin.


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It is, I am feeling both the missing what I lost and a big relief, too. I'm glad something I said helped when you were going through a rough time. And now look at you, with new adventures!


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #2782803 02/13/14 03:28 PM
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Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
He's out. I had a talk with him Monday night and said it is starting to feel like he is taking advantage. He was out Tuesday without a word. When he wasn't here tonight, I texted him, and he said he'd be back Sunday to get his boxes. What a sour note to end on, two months ago we were planning our life together. But I didn't have much more patience for the situation left in me.

Why is he waiting until Sunday to get the rest? Is this another ploy to come back after "a few days" when he knows you will be low and missing him?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2782804 02/13/14 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
He's out. I had a talk with him Monday night and said it is starting to feel like he is taking advantage. He was out Tuesday without a word. When he wasn't here tonight, I texted him, and he said he'd be back Sunday to get his boxes. What a sour note to end on, two months ago we were planning our life together. But I didn't have much more patience for the situation left in me.

Why is he waiting until Sunday to get the rest? Is this another ploy to come back after "a few days" when he knows you will be low and missing him?


Yeah, I would box it up and leave it outside for him. And don't be there when he comes by...


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2782903 02/13/14 08:41 PM
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Oh man I'm low and missing what I had thought we had already! Most people don't ask why we broke up, but tonight my neighbor asked why, and I told him, and he's like, and that bothered you?! I had to explain well it's important to me to trust someone who is going to be around my kids that much. But I guess like if i don't have kids to protect I'm not worth being honest to? I sure disagree with that. And I'm grateful to have places where I can talk to folks who want to set a marriage up for lasting success!


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #2782907 02/13/14 08:50 PM
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I'm sorry you're feeling so low tonight NED. You are worth being honest to and even if most don't know why that's important, you've been gifted with the knowledge to recognize that it is. I know this sucks but it will get better. I will absolutely pray for you to find peace amidst all of this.


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tc, yes, that's for sure, I really like how you all keep encouraging folks not to just settle for something that makes you uneasy. Thanks for the prayers too!


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #2782930 02/13/14 10:02 PM
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Originally Posted By: NewEveryDay
Oh man I'm low and missing what I had thought we had already! Most people don't ask why we broke up, but tonight my neighbor asked why, and I told him, and he's like, and that bothered you?! I had to explain well it's important to me to trust someone who is going to be around my kids that much. But I guess like if i don't have kids to protect I'm not worth being honest to? I sure disagree with that. And I'm grateful to have places where I can talk to folks who want to set a marriage up for lasting success!

NED,

This is what I worry so much about for you, that you missing him will cause you to let your guard down and he knows this.

I so agree with Susie. Can you please box up his stuff and put it out and tell him to come pick it up at what time you set and then don't be there when he comes?

When will you change the locks? Are you still texting him? Will you be changing all your contact information?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2782989 02/14/14 09:07 AM
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BH I my guess is that he's waiting until Sunday because his sister is moving that day and then he can move the things once, to her new place, instead of her place now and then move it again Sunday. I am planning to get the locks rekeyed when I'm home Saturday. I already called the alarm company yesterday and had his code removed, so he can't come here without setting that off and I would get a call. So that's why I was thinking to be there Sunday. He still has lawn equipment here and we haven't discussed that yet. I can ask him to put it in storage with his sister's things, but I had been thinking he would probably say it was okay if I kept it here and used it if I asked him.

I had refinanced his car loan for his truck to add my name back when we got engaged, to get him a lower interest rate and monthly payment, so I wasn't planning to cut contact altogether.

I really don't feel in any danger of getting back together with him. I know I dragged things out with my ex-H forever but this isn't the same bond we have at all.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
NewEveryDay #2783022 02/14/14 11:51 AM
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You aren't going to get your name off the truck? Any other financial obligations that he's leaving all on you?

Has he even offered to get the loan in his own name so you don't have anymore ties? This would be an action that would show he is being responsible and growing up.

Are you planning on giving him another chance? What about the wedding? Any bills he's left you with from the wedding?

For the next time what would you do different? What have you learned from this?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2783031 02/14/14 12:22 PM
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NED,

I can't express my concern enough that I think being there when he comes and gets his stuff is just away to keep you sucked back into him. I think it's a bad idea to see him on Sunday. I think you are going to have a difficult time.

He did it once too you and now he's laying the plan to do it again.


This neighbor that is talking to you about this, is he married?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2783033 02/14/14 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
You aren't going to get your name off the truck? Any other financial obligations that he's leaving all on you?

Has he even offered to get the loan in his own name so you don't have anymore ties? This would be an action that would show he is being responsible and growing up.

Are you planning on giving him another chance? What about the wedding? Any bills he's left you with from the wedding?

For the next time what would you do different? What have you learned from this?


Good advice and great questions...


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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