That's a good Idea forgot about those! I have been threatening to put her in the wheel barrow.
Thank's mrEureka!

out for a drive to see the xmas lights, hot chocolate in hand �.even sounds romantic to me��learn to play a new card game together�..how about making some xmas balls for your tree, with paint, sparkly stuff�..how about putting a few little packages together for a food bank toiletries, things like that.

jessitaylor
Good one, we haven't driven to see Christmas lights since the DD's were little! She likes to make her own wreathes I could help with that too, thank you!

I was listing to the radio clip Brainy linked for clearmind. The one where 20year's e-mail question was answered. Dr. Harley said that if following the PORH she is to tell him if she has been thinking about the OM or calling OM.

I heard how the BS is to be very careful not to react to the honest disclosure in a way that would discourage future RH but I guess I missed it but what are they supposed to do with the admission, discuss it?

Or are they only to talk about EP's and not the OM? We BS are not to ever bring up the A but what if the WS does? I would like to know how others have handled this.

The reason I asked is in a recent conversion DW and I were discussing a friend who has a certain religious belief. DW said that as soon as she heard about it she thought about OM. He had the same belief. I was not expecting to hear that. I did not do anything as far as LB's but didn't know if I should question her more about her thoughts about this or let it go.

What I have realized is that our WS can be triggered as well. And their triggers bring feelings of guilt, anger and sadness.

I would handle her triggers the same as she would yours by giving her a big hug and reminding her how much you love her.

Thank's RQ,

I understand about her triggers and try not to be the cause of those.

This was in a conversation where she mentioned OM.

I was not sure if talking about it further would be going against my agreeing to not bring up her A or any of her mistakes of the past .

We were talking about something he said not about the A per- say.

I got a call from a crying DW telling me that the OM was at her work. She ran to the bathroom and called me.I got into the car a headed up there. I have had his phone number in my wallet for over two years so on the way up there I called him.

He did not answer the phone then but called me back asking who this was. I told him my name asked if this was POSOM. After a long pause It said "Hey man how are you doing?"

I just said you need to leave my wife alone. I am on my way up there now. I told him that I love her, and we have been working hard on recovering our marriage over the last two plus years.

I told him again that I am going to fight for her and that he needs to leave her alone and that I am still on the way. He said that he has left and that he will never come up there again.

He keep apologizing, I told him that I am now the husband I should have been then and he needs to leave her alone. I told him that I do not know his spiritual condition but that he needs to get right. I am going to be there shortly.

Again apologizing and that he did not know she was going to be there.I then told him that I know all the details and I knew how this started and that nothing but God is more important to me than her,leave.

He was not there by the time I got there. My DW was still shaken but was worried about me. She called me as soon as she saw him. He tried to talk to her but she told him he needed to leave and started back out. He left.

I have to figure out how to shore up our EP's at the work place. I do not know what to do here. I do not believe he will come back after this but do not want to leave our marriage exposed to even the possible threat of a breach of NC.

Any suggestions?

I am second guessing myself about warning him that I was on the way.

I think what you did was pretty awesome. You were her knight in shining armor!

I agree.

Forgive me for not reading your whole thread, but I did read your signature and it says that a NC text was sent to OM.

What did it say? Did you see it before it was sent, or did you see a copy in the sent file?

Since OM has made contact again I wonder if the text was not received or if it pulled punches, making you wife sound sorry to have to break up with OM. Did it hold out some hope for him?

It would probably be a good idea to send the NC letter Dr H provides in the book SaA, since this was not sent at the time. Your wife should write in by hand and you should check and post it. Send it recorded delivery.

Okay, I just read your post properly, and I am alarmed by something else. OM was not looking for your wife since he said that he did not know she would be there, so from that I gather that he has some work-based reason to be at her workplace. What is that reason?

Do they work for the same company? If so, have you not been advised on this thread that she should leave that job?

Bravo! She came through, friend. She proved that she has your back.

You called that POS and let him know what was up!

I think you both did fantastic. Many BS's want to validate that when the 's' hits the fan, our FWS's will be there for us. She did that for you.

FTF, armymama,
thanks for the vote of confidence! I drove up there as fast as I could. DW told me thank you twice for coming up there for her.

SugarCane,
I did not see the text she told me what it said. She told him that she loves her family and not to ever contact her again.

He tried to contact her about a month later through E-mail. I caught it and we changed it and blocked him. No contact in over two years until last night.

I agree with you that we need to send another NC letter. I do not know his address he lives in another state. Thank you for helping me once again.

We are far down the MR road and have been enjoying each others company and have flew past the romantic love threshold! She told me last night that she has me and that is all she wants and that she loves me more than she ever has. MB is the only reason we are where we are now. God has blessed me with this plan and you wonderful posters!

I went to sleep about 4am this morning and my DW is home safe asleep. We talked before she had to lay down and She did everything I had asked her to do if this were to happen. WE both want to close this EP gap.

DW understands the concept of RH and told me that her fear was for me and what I would do and that all of our progress would be set back. I reassured her that I would never stop fighting for her and our marriage. I thanked her for her quick response in calling me.

Thank you 20YearHistory.
I am very thankful for her reaction and how she handled this and told her so. Honestly she was more upset that I might be hurt than anything else.

DW has thanked me twice with tears streaming down those beautiful cheeks for driving to her. She said thank you for fighting for me! I just want to be the husband for her that I should have been years ago! MB has shown me how to be that man!

SugarCain
We think he knew she would be there last night. DW has to return to the 3rd shift temporally and this was her first night back on this shift. Very suspicious that he shows up on the very night she is to return to this work shift. This is the shift she was on during the A.

POSOM does not work there he had to retire and lives in another state I verified this through the Net and through other co-workers and his brother.

He told me that he wanted to get his son hired there and he knows alot of the people working here. I am calling B*** Sh**

He was there at night to try and see her. She had no idea he was even there until she walked in and saw him. I know when she gets to work so I know she had not even clocked in when she was in the bathroom calling me.

We have decided to go to her shift manager and tell him about her concerns with POSOM who is not an employee having access to her work.

So true.

The good news is that your defenses held, but the bad news is that they were tested at all. You now know that you are dealing with a guy who hasn't given up. Is there any kind of additional exposure you can do on him pursuant to this attempted contact that might drive him away for good?

mrEureka
I agree and that is why we are going to speak to her plant manger. She is going to write a NC letter and have the manger get to him.

Once the company knows he was allowed into the work place unsupervised and the details we believe he will be keep from accessing her work place.

we did not expose at work originally since he did not work there any longer, I see now in hind sight that was a big mistake.

Thank you for the reminder!

Hey guys this is DW's NC letter:

The relationship I had with you was thoughtless and cruel. It hurt many people, particularly (WLE2),who did not deserve to be treated that way. I am committed wholly and fully to my marriage and determined to make up for all the hurt I've caused my family. I am working hard to be the best wife that (WLE2) deserves.
Because of the terrible offense I've done to (WLE2) and the damage I did to our marriage I have permanently ended all contact with you. Please respect my wish to regain my integrity and heal my family. Please also respect my wish that you NEVER attempt to contact me in any way at any time ever again.
(WLE2) has all the details of our relationship and he will be told again of any further attempts at contact.

What do you think? would you add/change anything?

I think it's perfect. And I think he will take it seriously since he just found out that if she even sees him she is calling you right away.

I'd also add that what you did originally regarding workplace exposure was right in line with what Dr Harley recommends in the newest edition of SAA. So I wouldn't beat myself up about it.