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So I am currently deployed and soon will be returning home. About a month ago I was caught in a lie. I had an inappropriate conversation with another female that was stationed here. Nothing physical ever happened but the W found the messages on my Facebook. She had issues with trust with me before because I used to talk to ex girlfriends. Nothing ever went beyond just catching up with the ex. But he did not approve.
Once I was caught i immediately tried to lie my way out of it. Finally I gave in, but I have been trying to explain to her it was a mistake that I wish I never made. NOthign ever happened physically between me and this other female. in fact, after I had said what I said to said female, I apologized because it was wrong and inappropriate and I was married and should not be having the conversation.
My wife thinks that there was more but I don't know how else to explain to her that nothing ever actually happened with this other female. Now she is threatening a divorce but will not make her decision until I get home here soon. I don't know what else to do. She says she wants to talk and that she is on the fence. But yet we talk sometimes to plan out the house we just got, what else we need for it, stuff like that. But she still says she is confused and feels like she should leave.
What should I do to make things right? I am seriously out of ideas and need any help I can get.
What should I do to make things right? I am seriously out of ideas and need any help I can get.
The first thing you should do is eliminate ALL of your "friendships" with the opposite sex. That is how affairs begin. Especially with ex lovers. Start by deleting your facebook page entirely and making a commitment to your wife that you will never have opposite sex friendships again.
When you get home from deployment, you can take a polygraph test to PROVE your truthfulness about this particular woman and any others she might not know about. If you are serious about saving your marriage, you will tell her everything NOW and get it all out there.
And lastly, it is impossible to recover a bad marriage when you do not live together. Can you end your deployment early and go home? How much longer will this go on?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I will be home within the next few weeks. (Obviously I can not say exactly when). But it is not that long.
I have already told her I would delete my Facebook account and email accounts. I told her I would get a joint Facebook with her and that I would get a brand new email address that will be for work and communication between family purposes only. I also told her that I would go to counseling. I just feel like she is having none of it anymore. I am honestly scared to come home because I do not know if I am coming home to a divorce or not.
I will be home within the next few weeks. (Obviously I can not say exactly when). But it is not that long.
Good!
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I have already told her I would delete my Facebook account and email accounts. I told her I would get a joint Facebook with her and that I would get a brand new email address that will be for work and communication between family purposes only.
Then I would do that. ACTIONS speak louder than words. Delete your facebook account and email accounts. You don't need a facebook account at all.
It is NOT enough to say to a spouse "If you insist, I will delete my facebook, etc......" That just puts the onus on her and makes her feel like the bad guy. Just do the right thing and cut these people out of your life ENTIRELY. Tell your wife you will not have any more opposite sex friendships AT ALL.
Then make the offer to take a polygraph when you get home.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I actually did make the offer to take a polygraph regarding the said female in my first post. But I don't think she even wants that. I know social media is the biggest of my problems. But I feel that if me and the W had a joint one, I went to counseling, then slowly I can build her trust back up. I am honestly scared to come home because I do not know what to expect. I don't want to give myself false hope, but at the same time, I don't want to think it is too far gone.
I actually did make the offer to take a polygraph regarding the said female in my first post. But I don't think she even wants that. I know social media is the biggest of my problems. But I feel that if me and the W had a joint one, I went to counseling, then slowly I can build her trust back up. I am honestly scared to come home because I do not know what to expect. I don't want to give myself false hope, but at the same time, I don't want to think it is too far gone.
She should not trust you if you are on social media again. That is like an alcoholic asking to be "trusted" again to drink alcohol. As long as you are on social media you can STILL communicate with females. Even the dumbest person can figure out how to do that and then delete the messages. You don't need a facebook page.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I actually did make the offer to take a polygraph regarding the said female in my first post. But I don't think she even wants that. I know social media is the biggest of my problems. But I feel that if me and the W had a joint one, I went to counseling, then slowly I can build her trust back up. I am honestly scared to come home because I do not know what to expect. I don't want to give myself false hope, but at the same time, I don't want to think it is too far gone.
She should not trust you if you are on social media again. That is like an alcoholic asking to be "trusted" again to drink alcohol. As long as you are on social media you can STILL communicate with females. Even the dumbest person can figure out how to do that and then delete the messages. You don't need a facebook page.
This x100. You have poor boundaries around women and that is what got you in this mess. Eliminate all possibility that will have inappropriate communication with women and then your W will have no reason to distrust you. You already proved you can't handle your current lifestyle without crossing the line, you must understand that to fix the problem and provide safety for your W.
I know social media is the biggest of my problems.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
Oh Mel!!!!! That was awesome!!!! Never saw that before....bwahahahahaha
The Harleys reference this video all the time on their radio show!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
