My dear Spicey, she is right.<P>You are going to have to find it from within yourself. No amount of anything from you H can make up for what he did, so there is no way for him to earn your forgiveness. You must be willing to find it within yourself.<P>I am not saying it is easy. There are many times I still feel I can't, even within the last week.<P>If you don't let him try he may decide to stop trying and then you will have missed one of the greatest blessings you could have ever known.<P>I feel loved by my H for the first time in our marriage, but only when I let him love me and I let myself feel it. The difference between bad and good is almost always me and my perception of myself and of him.<P>There are times that I would take back my old marriage and my old life just to have had my H stay faithful to me. I cry from heart the impossible desire to have had the marriage and caring we have now without having to endure the pain of his betrayal.<P>I cannot change what he did, and yes I could try to start a perfect marriage with someone else using the knowledge and strength I have now, but there would be no guarantees in that relationship either. <P>There was something there worthy of your love before. Find it, cling to it. Pray for strength.<P>There is absolutely no reason why you can't continue on with a better marriage than you thought possible with this man that you already love.<P>Sometimes it is best to listen to your heart, because the Lord my very well be guiding you through it. If you want to cry, cry on his shoulder, if you want to be held, let him hold you. If you want to be intimate, let him be intimate with you. Let him begin his healing by helping you heal.<P>My preacher told me something that hit home. He said that I have a wonderful opportunity to save my H soul. We have very strict views on Marriage and Divorce and if I left him then he would never again be able to marry in the sight of God. I can prevent him from possibly living a life of adultery and fornication and keep his soul out of Hell.<P>I don't mean to preach, but this helped me during some really tough times.