He's probably a playa and has many women on the road. His girlfriend will be on the top of your exposure list.

Do you know when you'll be able to get the spyware in place?

Like FTF said, also put a VAR in her vehicle and a GPS.

Sir, my wife was secretly meeting her affair partner when she performed simple errands such as shopping!
Trust me, cheaters can find time to hook up.

Just an update--- I have been reading SAA, I find it hard to read the recovery part because I am not sure we will ever get that far. I am pluging along.

I have done a great deal of reserch on keyloggers but seem to get more confuesd rather than less. I want to get one that works for android phone and an iPad. I seems that the best bet is to start with the phone and see what I get. Then keylog the iPad if I need more. My wife is only 5 min from work so I don't think a recorder is the way to go. I will expand if necessary.

I am having a hard time with doing the things necessary to keep my wife happy. She wants me to do all these things to reduce her anxiety and stress but will not do the one thing I want, quit communicating with the OM. I must say that she could have quit communicating but how would I know, she has not been honest on that account. That is the reason I need the keylogger.

Sometimes I just want to give up, the road back seems so hard and at this point I don't see the path. I realize that I have been dealing with this way to Long and should have done something three and a half years ago. I did not know about MB then and really did not understand what an EA was, I just knew I did not like it very much.

Thank you for giving me a place to vent, WearyHusband

WH, a good cell phone spyware is eblaster for android. It has a built in GPS. It is highly rated and works very well. It is here: http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/eblaster-mobile-android/

It takes about 5 minutes to install.

I have an update and a couple of questions:
It has been 5 months since I have posted. I have spyware on my WS phone and a VAR in her car. I have had access to her facebook most of this time and have not seen any communication with OM. She could have easily deleted the messages as she has done previously. She has an IPad and an IPod which I do not have spyware on. She also has a laptop at work that I do not have access to. I know my net has holes in it but I believe that their has been no contact with OM.

My wife has usually contacted the OM on his birthday, 3 of the last 4 years. It is coming up later this month. I always get uptight during this time. My birthday is about 1 week earlier than his, which always makes me not want to celebrate. The family never understands why this is the case
.
I have a good friend that just got divorced when his wife got back together with an old HS boyfriend. This has increased my anxiety more than usual during this month.

I mention these things because I am sure I can not continue living this way. At some point contact will happen again, or I will discover contact and that will end my marriage. I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. My wife is also ready to purchase a home, we moved last year, but I am unwilling to do that until we have closure on her affair.

My two questions are:
1-How can I approach my wife to begin extraordinary precaution at this point? I have mentioned combining our facebook accounts, but she comes up with reasons why that is not a good idea. I have not gone any further than that on this issue. She still denies it was an EA or that she has done anything wrong.
2- Should I expose to my children even thought I do not have evidence of the affair continuing at this time? I have a copy of one facebook conversation with my wife where she states: "I can not change the past. Obviously I did not understand and I am not perfect." It is clear in this conversation that I am talking about the OM. This is the only evidence I have other than my personal journal I have been keeping. My wife has told the kids she was talking to an old high school friend, but did not mention the extent of the intimate relationship they had in high school. The kids do not know the extent of the relationship they had starting 4 yrs ago, they only know she was talking to an old high school friend. I believe they know it was a man.

I think I am in a post affair damaged marriage that will limp along until the next time OM comes back in the picture. Any advice would be appreciated.

1 - You simply show them to her and tell her this is the marriage you want, one of protection for each other.

Did she write a no contact letter?

Do not combine a facebook account. A joint account on facebook does NOT protect from an affair, and she has already shown she is not to be trusted.

DELETE FACEBOOK and any other social media. This is part of the extraordinary precautions you will need to both take. No more social media. This is not negotiable. If she is not willing to do this, then she is not safe.

2 - Did you expose the affair at all?
Yes, you should expose to your children. Her affair affects them, and they have a right to know what is going on.

Do you own the new SAA?

JH, start listening to the daily radio show, and see if you can get your wife to listen as well. Keep problems on the front burner: for example, bring up Facebook daily and tell her how much it bothers you that she is on Facebook and that you want to have a marriage where neither one of you does something if the other is bothered.

I did not expose because I was waiting for evidence that would convince a jury. I have not got that evidence. I do not believe their has been contact, but I am sure their will be at some point. She has said in the past that no contact is "unreasonable". The examples she gave was if their was a death in the family such as OM mother. In previous posts I have stated that my wife and OM grew up together, same church and school. I did not want to start recovery until I had the evidence and fully exposed. I feel like I am stuck waiting for proper evidence which I am sure will come. Thank you!

I purchased SSA on line in March when I first posted here.

Markos, would that not be a love buster, I have been trying to be a model husband until I could expose.

Complaints are good for a marriage and are to be encouraged. Dr. Harley says complaints will always be a love bank withdrawal, but he does not classify them as a love buster, because they are a necessary passing of information.

When should you tell your spouse "We have a problem."

But get your exposure done. Don't let anything sidetrack you from that. Exposure is often the first step in full recovery.

There's a difference between waiting for evidence and digging up evidence. You need to start digging. Take whatever steps are necessary to find out the extent of your wife's relationship, then expose it.

Don't "wait" for evidence - that's not part of the plan. (At least not part of the plan that works.)

Markos,
I read the article on complaints and will do this. When she asks why, do I say because that is where you conducted most of your affair and it continues to trigger me? When I told her I believe she had an EA once before she got very mad. I assume that is as far as we will get, until the next day when I restate my complaint. Is this a good strategy?

On second thought, I guess I will be introducing the whole topic of extraordinary precautions at the same time. I want to do this right, I may only get one shot at it.

Sir, as you have been previously advised, you need to focus on exposure at this point.
Read the Exposure 101 thread and then come back when you ahve your exposure targets contact info, etc.

Jedi, I have exposure targets ready, I do not think I have the evidence. My evidence has shown that the affair is not continuing at this time. I have herd it said look until you get tired of looking. This is where I am at now. Markos has said to dig up evidence. I would have thought the VAR would have picked up something by now. Where else should I dig? I am stuck in a post affair damaged marriage where I would like to employ extraordinary precautions.

do you have a key logger on the computer that she uses?

She mostly uses her phone and iPad. But she also has an iPod. The computer in our home rarely gets used. If she were to use a computer I would think it would be her work laptop. I do not have access to that. She has used her phone before and I have spyware on that. Are you saying you think the affair is ongoing and I am missing the communication because she is being more careful? That has crosses my mind, but I thought I would pick up something with what I have got now.

You say "It just bothers me."

"Why" questions are very dangerous and invite debate. So you sidestep the debate.