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question about exposure: will exposure make OWH dump OW and push OW and WH together? Thanksl
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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Welcome to MB, xpbrain1. Exposure, if done correctly, should end the affair so you can start working on fixing your marriage. Surviving an Affair - Start here first Have you confirmed the affair? Do you know who the OW and OWH are? How did WH and OW meet? What have your husband's complaints in the marriage been?
BW: (me) 51 WH: 57 (also on forum) Married 2005, 2nd marriage for both Lust, porn and self-stim - entire marriage. his daughter 26, my daughter 15 D-day: 11-14-13 My story here. I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. Psalm 62:1
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question about exposure: will exposure make OWH dump OW and push OW and WH together? Thanksl They are more likely to hook up together if you DON'T EXPOSE because affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping it a secret makes it more likely the OW and the WH will end up together. The longer it is kept secret, the harder it is to bust up because it becomes more entrenched. If the WW and the WH are going to get together, they are going to get together whether you expose or not. Affairees who do not WANT to be together won't be together. All exposure does is speed things up. What typically happens is the affair ends, either right away or very soon.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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question about exposure: will exposure make OWH dump OW and push OW and WH together? Thanksl NOT exposing makes it more likely your WH will dump YOU for the OW. If you keep it a secret that is more likely to happen. IT is hard to save a marriage when you are an enabler.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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question about exposure: will exposure make OWH dump OW and push OW and WH together? Thanksl It won't "make" people do anything they don't want to but it will give people the information to make informed choices. Welcome to MB
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
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shall i post my story here if my WH knows about this site?
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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shall i post my story here if my WH knows about this site? Do you have good reason to think that he does know about it?
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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I tried to tell him the basic concepts and love buster and stuff, and sent him link about the site. shall i post my story here if my WH knows about this site? Do you have good reason to think that he does know about it?
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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shall i post my story here if my WH knows about this site? Sure!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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married 14 yrs, 2 kids, daughter 4yr, son 5months. WH had an affair when I was pregnant 06/13, with his long time friend, during an overseas trip. OW lives and remains overseas all this time. DD-11/13. Exposed immediately after DD to WH's mom and sister, and my close family member, my couple very close friends -- for the support. Tried Plan A but probably didn't do it correctly (didn't find this site until recently) that had quite some love buster during our discussions trying to have him terminate contact with OW. WH has been refused to terminate contact.
Early this week, I exposed the affair to their close friends. WH got furious, but later on expressed that hope I don't hate him that much. I think he's worried I would expose to his work place and ruin his reputation. Now I'm on the verge of Plan B. Feel exhausted and less and less love toward WH. But still wondering if I need to expose this to OW's work place. I don't know OWH because she lives overseas, and tried very hard to get her info but not much. Only knows her work phone. But since this is not work place affair, i'm not sure if i shall expose there.
so shall i expose her further? or shall go to plan b instead.
Last edited by xpbrain1; 03/18/14 06:45 PM.
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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Xpbrain, I am so sorry for the reasons that brought you here. You should go into plan B and expose further. Does the OW have a Facebook page? I don't see the sense in a workplace exposure unless they are connected somehow through work or they are pastors or teachers.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OW doesn't have a FB, and searched a lot and couldn't find much info on other social media sites. They are not connected through work, but that's the only info i have (the company she work for and her work phone). i doubt ppl at her company would tell me her husband's phone no.
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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I have read SAA and numerous articles on the MB website. But the thing is the affair is on-going, and WH wouldn't let me meed his needs and keep emailing and msging OW, although they can't see each other. according to WH, OW's husband may know about this, and they might wanna have a divorce. I'm really devastated since my kids are so young. I'm torn if I shall expose this to my almost 4 year old.
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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is it recommended that I talk to OW directly?
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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Did your WH meet this OW while on travel for work?
me-65 wife-61 married for 40 years DS - 38, autistic, lives at home DD - 37, married and on her own DS - 32, still living with us
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How hard have you looked for her husband? Do you have her full name?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And yes, you should contact the OW and talk to her. Tell her you are married to WH and make sure she knows she is wrecking a family.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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@mrEureka just travel. @MelodyLane i have her full name and I searched very hard but nothing comes up. I guess only hire PI could really dig sth out. But it's in a different country and very difficult. everything is so stressful and i have to work and take care of the little ones. WH's mom and sister (they are very close) are trying to ask him to do the right thing, but he remains unchanged. On one side he's very nice to his mom and kids, but very cold and neglect to me.
Last edited by xpbrain1; 03/18/14 07:14 PM.
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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And yes, you should contact the OW and talk to her. Tell her you are married to WH and make sure she knows she is wrecking a family. I actually sent her emails about this and she never replies. sometimes she simply forwards the email to WH. I am a bit reluctant to talk to her on the phone, though.
Me: BW, 36; WH: 37 Married 14 years DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month DD: 11/24/2013 Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs. Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014. Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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@mrEureka just travel. @MelodyLane i have her full name and I searched very hard but nothing comes up. I guess only hire PI could really dig sth out. But it's in a different country and very difficult. everything is so stressful and i have to work and take care of the little ones. I bet a PI could run a background check on her even though she is out of the country. Can you find her home address and phone number? Where does she live?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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