Can I tell you to PLEASE listen to your wife's complaints about being bored seriously... PLEASE... It is NO fun to be home with little ones all day and then you get to see your husband for a little bit...even if you are getting 15 hours a day with you, some women are just not cut out to be stay at home moms..

So POJA something MEANINGFUL that she can do during the day..something that gives her life meaning and value...

It will DEFINITELY help to have those 15 hours with you that would be fun and the highlight of her day... But to expect someone to just sit around alone with little ones all the time.... YUCK YUCK and DOUBLEYUCK.

So be her helper and help her find a solution. If teaching part time isn't an option because of the affair, then help her find a MOPS group or some other ladies group to be a part of. HELP HER!!! Be her partner. Don't expect her to do it by herself...

I can hear her drowning. She feels useless and unworthy and like she has nothing to contribute to the world just sitting at home with these little ones.. HELP HER. It is a valid fear!!!

And make sure you are getting in that UA with FUN time.

I understand what you are saying but I do not expect my W to sit around all day. Sorry, but this statement gets under my skin a little bit because it misrepresents my position.

My impression is that our poster understands this complaint quite well and empathizes with his wife. He does not seem to be the type that subscribes to "Barefoot and Pregnant" ideology. Unfortunately, it is the next step that is proving to be a tripping point...


FTF- have you (or your wife) checked on a mother's morning out program at a local church or pre-school? They can be quite helpful in giving the stay-at-home time to accomplish other things.

Yes, this has been suggested to her by me and others. I've also come to her with several moms groups, but she doesn't really ever follow through with them. I get the impression that's not something she really wants to do for whatever reason.

If she isn't expressing interest in the social groups, I'd drop those.

For the morning out thing, have you gotten prices/schedules together and presented them to her? That is, have you done all the legwork? Here, it's really a glorified daycare with no social interaction required by the parent.

You could approach it as a "what do you think about trying this or let's try this and if it doesn't work we can quit" kind of thing. If she still isn't interested then, well, you tried.

That's a good idea. I just found three online and have emailed them to her.

Great!

For ours (at our church), the youngest is dropped off at 8 and retrieved at 12:30 on Tuesday through Thursday.

Sometimes it's the simple things that you miss...like being able to go to the grocery store without little ones in tow.

I hope that you guys can find a win-win on this.

I ended up finding 7 different ones right around us. Some are only a couple days a week, some are mon - thurs.

can some of you post some advice on my post? I have been reading some of markos' and prisca's posts since the beginning, and i think they have wonderful advice. so do some of the others.

Well, it only took 3 weeks of living with Mom for us to start butting heads. She informed me last night that Dr Harley (whom she thought was a woman) is a charlatan who is taking my money. I think she made the assumption he is a woman because we talk to our coach so often who is female. I forget what I said in response, but then she said "well it isn't working".

She went on to tell me that we shouldn't be going out so much because I need to be home being a father to my children. "I could understand if it was once a week, but you have two children to raise".

And then she started telling me that FC needs to go back to teaching and that it wasn't right that I was preventing her from getting a job "with no restrictions".

I found out later from FC that my mother had told her "Why do you care what FTF thinks? Just go get a job."

Thanks ma!

Just needed to get that out.

Ouch! That kind of lack of support would make me want to not be close with whoever said it, even if was my own parent. How soon are you getting out of there?

Stunned that your own mother would say this

I'm not surprised actually. She has a very different view on what marriage is I think. She actually scoffs at the idea of being "in love". My parents didn't even sleep in the same bed. They had their own bedrooms for as long as I can remember. Supposedly it was because my Dad snored too loudly. Dad is now deceased. Mom is 80.

She also revealed to me not long ago that my grandmother (her mother) was a serial cheater who left my grandfather numerous times for other men. There were even calls to the house that her sisters answered telling them to "Tell your mother to stay away from my husband". She told me her father (whom she adores) "lived a life of hell". He was a minister and principal, and I suppose took an unconditional love approach to marriage. I wonder if that influenced how she approached her own marriage and how she thinks today.

Can you get out of there?

We will be out in July and moving into our new home.

That is a LO-O-O-O-ONG time to hold your breath!

I agree! FC says she just lets it flow off of her back, but it upset me quite a bit. I'll talk with FC this afternoon at lunch and see if we can come up with a plan to deal with this.

At least begin the discussion, from a team approach.

Your Mother is no friend to your marriage and right now, you need only positive support as you work on your M.

I am worried for you both.

Me too. But I'm not sure her views are all that different from most people unfortunately. She suggests that I "get on with my life" which sounds like rug sweeping to me.

While her views are common, her ability to influence you (and FC, even though she claims she can let it roll off her back) is dangerous. It is hard to sit in a cesspool and not get any on you!

What did you tell your mother?
If I were you, I would let her know that your marriage is not open for debate and ask her to keep her opinions to herself.